Home-Field Advantage | Week 2 | Bill Bush

Hey, How's it going? Hey. Good to see you. Welcome. Good to see your faces, and those of you online, good for you to see my face, suppose. But hey, we're talking about home field advantage, marriage, parenting, just kind of these things, but we're trying to peel the onion back a little bit deeper

at what's going on, and today we're gonna talk about what do you do if you think you might have signed with the wrong team, so to speak, and I was thinking about that. I remembered back when I'd first gotten engaged to my wife, Carrie, and we've been married for twenty nine years now, so that's awesome. Yeah. It's

so far it's working out, but we'll see, you know, we'll see. But I remember when I when I got to get here, it's like I I kind of experienced the thing that people you can have such different family backgrounds, different family experience,

and and her mom is is Sicilian, 100%. Her grandma and grandpa are from Sicilian. There you go. That's exactly what their family's like. Inappropriately loud. And

that part, the loudness doesn't bother me. My family's this loud Scottish Irish family, so it's that I could relate to. But we went and and and it was this Thanksgiving right after we we got engaged, and we went to her grandma's house for Thanksgiving, and that was down in this part in LA that was actually an Italian neighborhood.

And so I was like, I'd never really went into a strongly ethnic neighborhood that everybody's kinda, you know, birds of a feather, and so that was interesting. And and then I drive down into my walk in to meet this family that's gathering. It's like I walked into a Godfather movie. It

was weird. I mean, I there were so many people in there. They took their big dining room and their big family living room. It's all kinda open into one big room, and they actually put all of their furniture in the garage. And then it was lined with tables. I mean, looked like a VFW

pancake breakfast room is what it looked like. And and I told my wife I told the story last night, which my my wife then corrected me on my details. I said there was, like, 75 people there. There wasn't 75 people there. There was less than that. It felt like 75 people because the loudness and the arms moving everywhere.

I mean, you'd you know? And and and it was nuts. And and then I started to go, okay. This is kind of an interesting vibe. And then all of a sudden, mid morning, you know, by 10:30 or so, they they bring out these trays of lasagna and throw them on the table. Alright. Dig in. And I was like, I guess this is how Sicilians do

Thanksgiving. And and you know, because at first, there was some fruit on the table, but I thought that was like if you didn't eat breakfast or whatever. And now there's this pasta,

and so I thought, alright, that's what they do. So I dug in, it was so good. I'm gonna tell you, it was the best lasagna I ever tasted in my life. So I ate like two huge I mean, I piled it on the plate. I ate so much, I had the pasta sweats.

And then an hour later, they said, come back to the table, it's time to eat Thanksgiving dinner. I was like, what?

And then they cleared that and brought out the turkeys and every and all the stops, and and I didn't realize that at a Sicilian, when they eat, it's like this massive course. They got the fruit, then you get the pasta, then you get the main thing, and then after that, they clear everything, and the table gets filled with every dessert you could possibly imagine.

And and and I didn't know. I I had I had I had I had I had didn't pace myself properly. I didn't know the procedure. Didn't know what's happening. I look at my wife, I go, I can't eat. I am stuffed to the rafters.

I've already unbuckled my belt. I mean, I'm at that point right now, and she looked at me, my nice, sweet wife, and she got this serious look on her face. And she says, you better suck it up, buttercup.

And I'm like, what? And he goes, you better find a way. I don't know what that way is, but you have to have at least one large plate, preferably two. And if you don't, you're gonna be in a world of hurt. I go, why will I be in a world of hurt? I'm like, what's the she's like, because my grandma will know.

I'm like, what? It's like the godmother, not the godfather. And she's like, her love language is food, and she knows. I go, there's like a 100 people in here. How will she she'll know. And she will take it as a personal insult to the her very being.

And I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. So I was like, but I was scared enough because I thought they would they'd given me an offer I couldn't refuse. So man, I stuffed one big plate, I stuffed it, and I was like not feeling well.

And then as they're picking up stuff and putting away, her grandma from the kitchen comes out and yell, Bill, I know I just met you, but are you okay? You only ate one plate of food.

Oh my gosh, she was right. Now her and my her grandma and me, we became good friends because she likes to cook, I like to eat.

I mean, and it was awesome. I would go to their house and and and you'd say, hey, you you hungry? You hungry? We're not getting food. You want a snack? I go, sure. And for her to make a snack, it was like this became old testament.

It became biblical. It's like when you had guests, she would go out back and slaughter the fattened calf and come back with here. One time she says, I'll go make you a snack. She came back in with beef stroganoff.

That's a snack. To me, it's one of those little packs of chips and and maybe a ham sandwich or something. You know? No. No. She made a whole meal. But in that moment, I realized as I was getting married, my wife and I are like two different countries coming together. We have differences,

and you know, that difference was easy to get over. That was, you know, her family background in that way, but many of us, our differences are more complicated. The family background could be brutal. It could be bringing up issues, and it could be bringing up problems.

And a matter of fact, you might have differences that you seem like you can't get past. Matter of fact, that's one of the main box checked for divorces, irreconcilable differences. You realize that's the first service I ever said irreconcilable right the first time I said it? My

mouth doesn't like to say that word for some reason, but but what we're gonna see today is is you think that those differences are making you incompatible, and so I need to go find someone that's compatible. But what we're gonna see today, the differences make it difficult, but that's not really what makes us incompatible.

And what we're gonna see is this big idea as we look at a couple scriptures today is incompatibility can make our home inoperable or unstoppable. It's what you do with it. It's what do you do with the incompatibility that makes the difference.

What do you know about it and what do you do? Because what we're gonna see is is that it's we think we're incompatible and the answer is you are.

The answer is you are. The first thing I wanna say about this, incompatibility is unavoidable. You have to understand that incompatibility is there is no other human on this planet that you are 100 compatible with. I'll show you in a minute. It's impossible.

And so the mistake number one we make is you think the difference is is what's the incompatibility, and so then you you go, alright, we were incompatible because of all these differences, so then you you get out of a marriage and you go, alright, I'm gonna find someone that doesn't have those differences.

And so you get these people that have all the differences that bothered you in the last marriage, you get someone the opposite, and then you realize wherever you go, there you are, and so are they. And all of sudden, now you have other things that are causing differences and other diff and then you realize if you're looking for a perfectly compatible person, you are looking for like a unicorn.

It doesn't exist. A matter of fact, love this quote from GK Chesterton. If people can be divorced for incompatibility, I can't conceive why all of us aren't not divorced. The truth is we are incompatible, and marriage and parenting is a lifelong process of overcoming the incompatibility. That's really what it is.

And and the problem is we have all these differences. We start to struggle. We start to feel like there's an incompatibility, and and then sometimes we make this weird mistake. I've seen mean, it sounds stupid, but I'll see people like, hey, this is getting hard. It's a little bit rough. I'm not sure. But you know what?

We both want kids, so we'll have a baby, and that will center us.

Some of you, that's nervous laughter because that's what you did.

That's about as smart as the captain of the Titanic after they hit the iceberg saying, you know what we need? We need more passengers. That's not the answer. So to deal with incompatibility, first, what are the sources of incompatibility?

And like I said, there's some differences. These these are are are some things that we think are the sources of incompatibility.

These are differences. They do make it difficult. They can they can do a lot of things, But one is the sexes, men and women. Contrary to popular belief in this world, men and women are different. Sorry, we are. Secondly, family backgrounds,

like I already shared, one. But some of us have really tough the family backgrounds are gonna cause all kinds of issues.

The next one is communication styles. Communicate, some people communicate, some people don't, you know. Actually, difference in men and women, now you could be opposite on this. It's not a 100%, but usually, typically, women talk to get to a point. Men don't talk till they have one.

Think about how complicated that makes life,

because the wife will just be going all over the place, because she's going this and this and this and this, and it'll eventually land somewhere, But if you're a guy that you don't say anything till you have a point, you actually your your your system tells you how many points is she gonna make?

And you're all confused, and you can't keep track. You're like, I can I get a cliff notes of this conversation? Can you just tell me when you're done and tell me what the answer is?

Whereas a guy will sit there and not talk. You've married for four years. He hasn't talked for three of them, and out of nowhere, he comes up and he goes, you know what we need to do? We need to sell everything and buy a farm in Nebraska. And you're like, I've never even heard him utter the word Nebraska.

And now if you are used to talking, you get a point like, that's the beginning of a conversation that means you're an idiot. We're gonna take years to talk about it. Then all of sudden, pulls up spreadsheets and database, home values, farms for sale. Dude, like, what the heck? You've been looking at this for for three years. Why didn't you say anything? Well, I had to get my numbers lined up. I had to make sure I had it straight. So when he finally says something, he's ready to go, let's make a deal. Let's sign on the bottom line. You're like,

I'm just beginning to start. And so you start where he ends. He ends where you start. You might be reversed. Some of you, I just fixed your marriage by saying that right now. You're like, why did we not see that? But that can be a problem. And then there's personalities. We're wired different.

We're wired different. I mean, there are you know, personality tests that are out there, they are helpful. They are helpful. Like, you're like, I'm an enneagram seven wing three. I'm an enneagram four wing two. I'm an enneagram know, and and that's great. Personality tests though only describe you. They don't define you.

And if you are trying to live your life and all of your relationships through the lens of your personality profile, I believe that's a great mistake because you are more than just what that test says. It just describes 10 matter of fact, personality profile, the best thing they're for is to help you understand this.

That's what they're best for. But all of this, like I said, this is not where incompatibility originates. You know what these things do? They just exasperate incompatibility. I love that word exasperate. You ever looked up what it means? It means to irritate intensely, to be intensely irritated.

And when you have a lot of these differences, you know what it's like. You get intensely irritated by them. For example, one person in my marriage snores and one doesn't. I'm the one that snores. And I could tell by the power in which my ribs get hit in the middle of the night that my wife is irritated

to a very intense level. And that's like, wow. Wow. You are actually mad at me for something I have no control over. You think that I sit there at night and go, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna randomly while I'm asleep, somehow have the brain capacity to tell myself to go to gasp for air in life. If

you have someone that's snoring, let me tell you something. We are gasping to live at that moment. We are trying to breathe and not die, and she's intensely irritated at my attempts to live.

That's what differences are. They exasperate things, but there's that's not where incompatibility originates. We're gonna see where it originates, and we're gonna go into the story of Genesis three.

In Genesis three, it's you know, God's created, you know, everything. He's created Adam and Eve,

and and and now all of a sudden, you know the story, what happens, is they're in this perfect relationship with God. They they they have the great relation. They have a job to tend to the garden, but everything works in the right balance and all of that. And then the enemy comes in and tempts them

and talks to Eve and basically says, listen. You think you have a good now? You realize you can be wiser and happier. God's holding out on you. So what you need to do is do the one thing he told you not to do. There's a reason he told you not to eat that fruit, and the reason is

you'll be happier if you just don't listen to him and do it yourself, which is basically the heart of all sin. All sin is I believe I'll be happier if I don't trust God because God's holding out on me. I know myself better. I need to make this happen. And so gets in their kitchen.

Eve believes it. It's interesting though when you look at the story because it's called the sin of Adam in the New Testament. Wasn't Eve the one that did it first? But we're gonna see here that that sin didn't just break the relationship between God and man and woman, it created an incompatibility

and a break in relationship between husband wife, if you just read the story. I mean, because they do that and says she took it,

but then everyone hears that story and thinks it's because she was all by herself and then she went and said, hey, eat this. It says right there, she believed it, took it, and ate it, and then handed some to her husband who was there with her. You realize he was there the whole time.

The way you imagine it wasn't he was off somewhere staring at a wall, a rock wall because TVs hadn't been invented yet. He watched this whole thing and he said nothing. He was created first.

Eve was created from a rib that's symbolic of God, not to be the foot to be trampled under not to a team, but Adam's supposed to be a leader. The promise,

the the the thing, the command that God gave in the in in the story was all was told to Adam. It doesn't say it was repeated to Eve, and that was before Eve was created. So he's the one that had probably passed on the the command. Eve actually twist it, messes it up, adds to it, and he stood there

and didn't say anything. He stood there and let her go first. I believe the original sin. Yeah. She did that, but it started when the enemy started deceive. He started to believe it too, and he could have stepped in and corrected what she said and told him he's a liar at any time. But he was just as interested,

and then what he did instead of protecting and leading, he thought, well, you say we're not gonna die if you eat that. I am intrigued, but I'll let her eat it first, and I'll see what happens. Think about it. Once they bought into this lie, they're already breaking themselves apart.

So then when God shows up, and and you know, I think he probably figured if she falls over dead, could say, I didn't do it. God, I need a new one. Think we try this hell hair color this time?

No. So God shows up, and then you know there's something about what Adam did, not Link, is when God shows up, he questions Adam first. And what they did is they hid and they covered themselves. Well, covered themselves before God showed up. They hid from God, but do you realize the shame and the guilt that they felt

from the twist of the enemy? Yeah. You are like God now. You understand what evil is. You sin. You understand what the damage is of it, and now you feel shame and guilt. They covered up from each other. They threw and then when God shows up, God says, Adam, what happened? What'd you do? Classic. It wasn't me,

it was the woman that you gave me. Wow. In one sentence, he blames her and and and actually God, because you know what, it was her, you gave me a faulty model.

Instead of saying, you know what, I should have done something.

I didn't love her in that moment because I wouldn't trust you. I believed the lie too. Then he turns to Eve. What did what did you do? It wasn't me. The devil made me do it. Turns to the devil. The devil said it was the cat. No.

Think about what that does to your relationship. You're throwing each other. You're hiding from each other. You're covering up because you already feel shame and guilt. You're it's not just a separation from God. It creates an incompatibility between us. Sin is the heart of incompatibility,

and we all live in this brokenness. We inherited that brokenness. We inherited this natural desire to wanna go around God and find our happiness our way and trust ourselves over God, and if you marry off two people that are incompatible with God that way, guess what you're gonna be like with each other? We have an innate selfishness

and a brokenness

that we feel the shame, we feel the guilt, we wanna do the right thing, but in the end, it's about self preservation. So in the end, at the very nature of two people trying to become one, you have two people that also wanna be the one. There can be only one. We become Highlander there. There's an old movie reference. And we go, yeah, there can be one. It needs to be my way. We have two people that want control, and two people want to maximize what they get out of the marriage

and minimize what they give. Differences only exasperate that, but that's the heart. And so where I wanna pick up the story, it says right in the middle, so he says that, and then he says here's the result. He says it's this curse.

And everyone reads this to think that means I'm doing this to you. I honestly believe when you read this and look and then I talk about real life, I don't think God says I have to do this to you. He said this is the result now of this brokenness, that this is what it's gonna be like to live life and to be married and to have kids in this world now. It's going to be very hard to live in an incompatible world with our incompatible hearts.

But before he says that, right in the middle of this, he plants the seed of hope.

It's a prophecy. Genesis three fifteen is the first time Jesus is mentioned. He's not mentioned by name, but it's the first time the gospel is presented. Because as he's talking to Satan, he says this, and I will cause hostility between you, Satan, and the woman, between your offspring and her offspring.

And we're gonna see by this next statement, he's not talking about all the offspring. He's specifically talking about a particular offspring. There is gonna be an offspring of a woman, and notice it didn't say between the man and the woman. He talks about an offspring that has no physical father. Sound familiar?

There's gonna come a day where there's gonna be a a a an offspring, a a human being born of a woman, no mention of the offspring of a man,

and it says that this is gonna come, there's gonna be hostility, there's gonna be a battle, and he says, he will strike your head and you will strike his heel. So now he uses a snake illustration. He's saying, yeah, you're gonna attack, but you're just gonna bite the heel. He's gonna crush your head.

It's that stomping snakes.

And and and, you know, it's like it's like it's like if you wear boots, you're used to being in a land of snakes, they can bite, they get you, they might get the boot, they might get through, you might feel a little bit of the the tip, but you're not gonna get the venom. And it's like, oh, okay. Alright. And then what do you do? As its its fangs are stuck in your boot, you just wrap it up.

He's saying you think you're gonna attack, you're gonna try to bite him, he's gonna destroy you.

Chapter three of the bible. God already knew what we were gonna do. Jesus already knew what the plan was. Right in the middle there, he plants the seed of hope. It's Jesus. So if we're ever gonna deal with incompatibility,

if you're gonna understand and be able to apply anything we're gonna say from this moment till the end of this sermon, the first thing is you have to surrender to the love of Christ. If you don't surrender to the love of Christ, if you don't say yes to Jesus, if you don't do what actually

three fifty hands went up last week of people saying yes to Jesus.

And then I did our We Are Rock Point last night and 10 more. If if if you don't have that moment, you can try to do everything else we're gonna talk about. You can sit in church all you want. You will not have the power in which to do it, and if you don't really understand the love of Christ,

you'll probably hear some of the things we say, and you're gonna hear them with the world's definitions of things like love and leadership and submission. You're gonna hear the wrong definition, but you have to surrender to the love of Jesus. That's the hope.

And then after sharing that this hope is coming, he says, but here's the reality. Here's the reality, look what it says is gonna happen. He said he said to the woman, I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy and in pain you will give birth.

God and the word of God is the master of saying more than what you think it just said. Yes, it'll be more painful to birth a child. So all of you moms out there, thank you, Eve. And all you dads like me that one of my kids was born so fast there was no painkillers, my left hand still doesn't work the way it should.

But he's saying something more. He's saying in pain as a mom because now we're incompatible with sin, and guess what we birth? More incompatibles. Our kids are born with that natural desire to sin. It's gonna be so much more painful to be a mom

because you care about the safety of your kids, you care about the security, you care about their hopes, you care about them getting somewhere, and you are always worried because of the brokenness

of not only them, but the rest of the world. Is it a safe world? Is it a secure world? Are they safe? Are they secure? Are they making good choices? Right? You are gonna always fear for that. Now let me tell you something. I believe strongly that when God says this is an issue with you, it actually influences the dad too, and what the

main thing he's gonna say is the problem for the dad is still a problem for the mom too. It's just the same thing with men and women. We often, like in a needs list, the core needs that men and women have, that the top 10 needs, when you interview

women of these top 10 emotional needs that we need met that we can't get met, someone else has to meet them, Do you realize that men and women give the same 10 answers, but their top five are reversed? So the top five for a woman is the bottom five for a for a man and vice versa. Same 10,

and I believe the thing it says for the woman, it's gonna be painful to be a pet mom. I think it's also painful to be a dad, but mom's gonna put pain of being a parent as number one, and then we're gonna see what it says to the dad,

we put that number one and this number two, and she puts it number one and number two. Does that make sense? So he says, it's gonna be hard. And if don't believe me about the pain of being a parent, just go a few page later. One of her sons murders another one. In a non broken world, that wouldn't have happened.

That's difficult to be a parent in a world of incompatibles. It's hard. And he says that's a result of this brokenness. So now all of a sudden, the goal of being a parent, to be a good parent, it's gonna be so much harder. It's gonna break your heart.

And then what you're gonna wanna do in all of this pain and worry, it says, and you will desire to control your husband,

but he will rule over you. So now it's kinda talking about kinda the handoff, the woman, and then it starts to say what the man's gonna do. What it's saying is in all of that uncertainty and pain and brokenness, you're gonna wanna control. That's what Eve did. That was her main sin. I wanted to control the scenario.

And in a marriage, in a parenting, moms, you're gonna wanna control everything. You have a natural tendency to control. And then the desire for your husband, that means doesn't mean, oh, baby, I wanna because you're like, my wife doesn't actually always have desire for me. It's talking about you desire to have it your way,

and then it says, but he'll rule over you. What it's saying is both of us want control. But how it's typically gonna work out is the woman's gonna manipulate, the man's gonna dominate. Makes sense. Women are better with words. Guys are just bigger.

And it describes that that's gonna happen. It's not supposed to happen that way. So when you hear words like what we're gonna see in a minute that the wife should submit, the wife should respect her husband, you hear, oh, I allow myself to be dominated. No. That's the fallen definition of love and lead and respect.

This is the broken version. So then it says to the guy, look what it says to him, he says, since you listened to your wife and you ate from the tree

whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, The ground is cursed. The ground and you notice how it says I commanded you not to eat it? Doesn't mention that with the word because Adam's the one that got the command directly. And he says since this happened, the ground is cursed because of you.

The fall didn't just affect us and God, it affect us and each other, it affected the whole planet, the whole solar system, the whole galaxy.

It says, the ground is cursed because of you. All of your life will you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It'll grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow, you will have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you are made, for you are made from dust, and to dust you will return. What does he say about the guy?

Making a living is gonna be way harder. Now like I said, this is for both of them. Now they use farming as an an example because they were a farm based society,

which is kinda great because a farm based society actually relates more to us today because do you think he's just saying like, how many anybody here grow up on a farm? There's always somebody. Alright. Was it only the dad that worked? When

you grow up on a farm, everyone has a job. So it's not describing this, You're just the mom that stays home with the kids, and then there's the dad that goes and conquers the world. It says, we all work, but the dad is usually the one that's organized and all because the mom's usually paying attention to the kids. They tend to have an ability to do something and notice them. Guys tend to get locked into what they're doing like, I forgot I even had a child.

And and that's just the way it's wired. So as you're all doing it, guys tend to lead the way guys tend to be the one that wanna go out and get a job. And it doesn't say why lives aren't working and don't have goals to that. It's saying that you are all gonna work, but guys, it's gonna be a bother for you. You're trying to support a family and trying to live it, and then you add in your desires, your selfish desires of why you're working, finding your identity in what you do, finding your status in the income you have, finding all of that broken things that we apply to work, we don't apply it to the right thing. All of a sudden, we become workaholics,

and it's not really to take care of our family. And so what it's describing

is see if this is relatable. You get married. You have kids. It's hard. Everyone's working, and all of sudden you have some kids, and all of sudden the wife's like, I'm frustrated. I'm working too, but I work harder, And I know, but I got the kids and juniors acting like an idiot because they're incompatible also. So now the kids are raising, having problems. You have parent teacher conference. You have all the sports you put them in. You're trying to work. He's trying to work. He feels overwhelmed. Thought he should've got a raise, but it's so tough to by the sweat of your brow, you're gonna make a living. Careers are harder. Work is more difficult. And you come home, and you're like, I need you to be here for me on this. Well, I can't. I have this. But I had this you play the game of who had the harder week. And whoever wins, then they get to relax, and you gotta suck it up. And it goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Sound familiar?

I guarantee I just described a lot of people in this room. I definitely described almost the source of every fight you have.

It's funny that thousands of years ago, God already called it and said this is what's gonna happen. This is the real source of incompatibility, and we all have it. And the only way the only way to beat it is through Jesus. Because you know what? If we don't deal with it, if we if if if we don't deal with our differences

and we don't deal with this incompatibility, we're gonna end up in a world of hurt. Because you know what'll happen? I wanna show you my favorite Far Side comic, one of my favorite, Gary Larson, he's hilarious. And it should go up on that screen too. There you go. Inadvertently, Roy dooms the entire earth to annihilation.

When in attempt to be friendly, he seizes their leader by the head and shakes vigorously.

Inadvertently, we're gonna doom our marriages to failure through our incompatibility and our differences. The thing we think we're doing is good, the other person thinks of it as assault because his head looks like a hand, and we're gonna end up in this scenario, only not so humorously. So what do we need to do?

Well, through the love of Christ, the first thing is for the differences part, it's simple. You need to understand, forgive, and celebrate your differences. You need to understand that differences aren't wrong, and then you need to understand that sometimes though the differences can cause you to hurt one another,

so you gotta be willing to ask for forgiveness and be willing to forgive without saying you have to stop being that way, unless it's sin, but if it's a basic makeup of difference,

and if you really are able to do that through the love of Christ, you can learn to start to celebrate your differences, and sometimes differences start to become strengths when you get it in right order, but that doesn't deal with the incompatibility. How do we overcome it? First, surrender the love of Christ,

but then secondly, you need to play the position God gave you. Sports illustration. We have to understand that we're on the same team, but we play a different position. God's the coach. So when we submit to playing the position we're called to play, we're actually submitting to the coach,

but we have to play our position. What does that look like? Let's go to the New Testament now, spend the rest of the time here looking at that answer, and that is I'm gonna be in Ephesians chapter five,

and let me just give you a little layout of Ephesians. Whenever Paul, you know, inspired by the Holy Spirit, his letters always start with the theological truth, the biblical truth. He lands principles,

and this book is all to us. Christian church, he's trying to say, does it mean to be a Christian and how do you live in that way? And what he starts off with is, first you gotta understand you don't earn God's love, you have to surrender to the absolute love of God. Ephesians two eight, for we know that we are saved by grace through faith alone, so you can't brag about it. You didn't do it. You can only surrender to that love of God, and when you do, you now have the power of the Holy Spirit, and he goes on to explain that. And also he gets into chapter five, and that's what he transitions. His letters always transition from this theological truth, the principle, and then he goes, and this is what it's gonna look like in whatever scenario he's talking about. In Ephesians, he transitions, go, this is what it's supposed to look like

and he starts off with what I said, the family is the building block. He starts off with what it should look like for a husband and wife.

But right before there, he starts off at chapter five. He goes, because now because of Christ and when you embrace love, you now can live in the light. It's like in the sports illustration, we're trying to play a game we don't understand, and the stadium lights aren't even on.

Christ turned the lights on. Now we can see the field, and now we have a coach in the Holy Spirit. We have the power of God now to go out onto the field and play, but we have to play. He goes to live in the light by the power of the spirit,

and then he says, and with that, here's what you should be doing. This is the position you play, and he tells the wife and the husband what their position is, how they should be playing it, and I just wanna read it. So he says here, verse 21,

and further you need to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Okay. So who's supposed to submit? Both. You always hear sermons, wives you submit, wives you submit, nothing about guys submitting. It's a mutual submission. We submit to one another as we submit to Jesus. Submitting to one another means

I'm committed to this team. I'm committed to the goal of what it's supposed to be, and I'm gonna play the position I'm supposed to play in order for us to win, because that's the strategy the coach gave us. And so then it says for wives,

this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. We're out of time. Let's just stop there today. Go home and discuss.

But then he explains what that is. He is the savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wise should submit to your husbands and everything. That word for submit, it's a it's a word for to to respect, to give to give deference to, to to honor, to let lead,

but in there, there's already the plant, the seed of just like but it's supposed to look like Christ in the church. Christ, yeah, he led and he led in sacrifice. He led in being the savior. He led in that, so it asked the wife to just basically respect and honor your husband. Let him lead.

And then it tells the husband, for husbands, which goes on a lot longer by the way, guys. And he goes, for husbands, this means love your wives.

How? He defines love. Love is more than a feeling. He goes, just as Christ loved the church. What does that mean? He gave up his life for her. For what? To make her holy and clean,

washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it just as Christ cares for the church and we remember his body. So you lead by loving,

and loving like Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church by sacrificing all he was. His whole goal was the goal of what we needed as his body. And so he says, husbands, you need to have the same goal. Your family, your wife, your kids need to be found complete and whole in Jesus Christ and his love. That's where you lead. That's why you lead. That's how you lead,

by loving and being willing to sacrifice your life. And that doesn't mean I know guys go, I'll take a bullet for him. Yeah. He'll take a bullet, but will you take a knee for them? Will you take a knee for them and show them the way to Christ?

Will or will you always have, I have my career goals. I have this thing that, I have that. It's saying guys, leadership means you go first. It means you lay down your desires for the sake of your families to get them to be where Christ wants them to be. It means you have given up your right to yourself.

That's what it means to lead. My dad always said, leading means you go first. It doesn't mean you push everybody else to go where you want them to go.

And then look what it says, it says as the scripture says, a man leaves his father and mother and has joined his wife. He's going back to Genesis, but what is he going back to? Right before the fall. He's going back to what he originally said why men and women were created to be together. This is why,

and then it's interesting, a man leaves. He puts it in the context, says, guys, what he just said to lead and love, that's why you should be getting married. Marriage is for holiness, not happiness. Here's the thing, you pursue happiness, you miss holiness, and your happiness is very controlled by your circumstances.

You pursue holiness, you will be happy, and you will have a joy that is not controlled by your circumstances. That's why he says when you love your wife this way, it's like you're loving yourself,

and then he goes, he goes, they're united into one. This is a great mystery, but it's an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. You know what's interesting about that?

How many times did it tell the guy how many times did it use love in describing what the man's supposed to do? Love is used eight times in that passage. Eight times. Interesting note, how many times did it tell the wife to love her husband? None. Not one. What's going on here?

I read this and most women pucker up like this is an unfair passage. Ladies, you have it completely wrong. This is the royale throat punch of all throat punches. You know in this day and age, women were considered wives, were considered property.

To say just respect your husband and not love, like, that's actually okay. That's what we're already forced to do. He's saying, but keep respecting. The big shock to the world was when it told the husband over and over and over, you love, you sacrifice,

you throw yourself on the tracks, you give up your hopes and dreams. In this culture, it was like, no. The woman is here just to make sure I get what I want. The word helper, they didn't think that was the same word as the holy spirit. They thought helper meant servant.

Guys, we are the key in this. Now both people need to play their position no matter what the other one does because you're playing for the Lord, which means, ladies, don't manipulate.

If you're the more Christ like one in your home, don't be throwing bible verses at it. Don't be always arguing with him. Don't be always doing that. Show him love and respect. That's your best chance. Now don't hear what I'm not saying. A whole another sermon is not about this. You never submit to abuse.

If there's any way physical, emotional, spirit abuse, you separate from that. It doesn't mean you have to always end it, but you at least gotta back away and be safe until you can work on it. But it is saying, in other words, which I've seen so practically, like God knew what he was talking about with the way we are,

if you treat a man like the man you want him to be, he will usually kill himself trying to be that man. If you berate him and yell at him and tell him this is what you ought to be, he won't do it. That's my job. Why do you think I'm yelling at the guys right now?

It's saying you submit, but here what it tells us guys, man, you gotta give up your right to yourself. And you know why it doesn't have to tell the wife to love? I don't care what the world says. I've seen this for thirty years straight in marriage that are messed up. I have seen wives

love their husbands like there's no tomorrow and him not love back. I have rarely seen a husband truly love his wife in this way, that she didn't just automatically love him back. It's your choice, guys. You can beat your head against the wall, or yeah, ladies, you respect no matter what. But guys, you're the key. You know why?

Adam was the key in the first place, and what he's asking us to do here is basically do the opposite of what that fall makes us naturally wanna do. Ladies, give up the control and don't try to manipulate. Guys, sacrifice your desire and don't try to dominate. Do the opposite.

You can only do that through the love of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. Let me let me let me give you a couple of illustrations to that. In other words, he's basically telling us both to be Jesus to one another. He's asking the wife to be Jesus in the Garden Of Gethsemane.

The night before he got crucified when he was praying, sweating blood, he says, man, if it's your will, may this cup pass from me. Basically,

God he knew as God the Son what was gonna happen. He knew it was gonna be a painful plan. And he was saying, hey, in his humanness, you know what, if there was another way, that'd be great, but then what does he commit to?

Not my will, but thy will be done. He just submitted to the father. Do you realize God the son is equal, co equal? Jesus is just as much God as the father. They're equal, but he chose to submit. That's what he's asking you to do, ladies. Be Jesus in the garden. But guys, he's asking us to be Jesus at the cross.

Jesus got up on the cross and said forgive them for they know what they do, and he gave up his very life. His whole point was to come to serve, not be served. His point was to die so they can live. His point was to make us have hope and us to clear the way. In other words, guys, we jump on the barbed wire and we let our family pass by. That's

our mission. And that's why in most of our hearts as manly, I wish I could be a hero on the battlefield. You know why? We were built to be that way. Not just heroes that we it gets used in sports and on the battlefield, but that quality, that desire for us to be heroes was meant to be husbands and fathers.

That's where we're supposed to bring it,

and that's what we gotta decide. But if that doesn't make sense for the guy, let me give you a sports illustration so you guys will understand what I'm saying.

We are two positions on the same team, but we have a different position. I was a pitching coach. I believe husbands and wives are like pitchers and catchers.

They're pitchers and catchers.

You know, the pitcher stands in middle, they do the pitch, they get the win, they get the loss, they get all that, but then the catcher, you know, he's the one wearing the mask, it's a dirtier job, he's squatting down. He's taking the bad pitches and all that, but it's it's hard, but they you know, it's but they're they're pitchers and catchers have the same goal. Make sure they don't get hits, shut down the opposing team so we can win the game.

Well, in this illustration, who do you think is the pitcher? Oh, man, you guys are the smartest service. Messed because you slept in. Every service, people said the husband. The wife is the pitcher. Guys, we're the catcher. Catcher is the dirtier, harder job. The catcher is more mass. He doesn't get the glory.

He's he's not raised up on the pitching mound. But you know what the catcher is on a baseball field? He's called the field general. He's actually the leader. And you know why the catcher is the leader? Is he's the only one of the nine that's looking the opposite direction.

He has a different perspective because he has a different mission. And with a pitcher and a catcher, the other positions are kids, the pitcher and catcher out on that defense,

they have a link. The catcher might be the field general, but he's not really the boss of the pitcher. They work together, But the catcher is the one that calls the balls. At a higher level of ball, it's the catcher that's calling the game. And at the highest level, the catcher is usually calling the game with the coach's input.

Like when I was a pitching coach, I called the game. The catcher looked to me. I made the call. They looked. But in the major leagues, the catchers, they they they study more. Because then the pitcher has so many things on their mind. There's guy in first. I gotta think about him. I gotta think about this. I gotta think about my mechanics. The catcher's just sitting there watching the whole thing. He studies more. He understands, and he has the the little they even have little things on there as they can, like, remember their thing. Pitcher can't wear that, so he's the one that's supposed to be in this words,

squatting down, watching the field, and then calling pitches that make his pitcher look awesome. His goal is to make that pitcher successful and the whole team successful, the whole defense successful.

He's in charge. He's the leader, but he's not the boss. The coach is. He's just playing his position, and his position is usually very underappreciated.

And and it's dirty, it's sweaty, it's masked up, and you are the one down on your knees and squatting lower to the ground. But you're doing it so they could be successful so the team can win.

And you know what? If you ever watch a game, little insight. If you ever see the but the pitcher, you know, they're not totally so they're they're not a servant. They're a teammate that that shows honor and respect

towards the catcher calling the game. But every now and then, if they see something, they'll go, he'll call the pitch and they'll go.

And you can do that. But if you ever wondered why every now and again right in the middle of a game, the catcher runs out to the pitcher mound, no coach comes out, and they just talk, it's usually they gotta get back on the same page. And he's like, covering them. Dude,

why are you not throwing the pitches I'm calling? And it's usually something like this. Well, I just don't feel this pitch right now. He's like, yeah, but look at how the defense is. We need the guy to pull the ball if he's gonna hit it. That's why you need to throw oh, okay. Then you need to do that. Or the pitcher will then say, I know that this is the pitch to throw in this scenario, but my curveball is terrible right now.

Okay. Then we need another plan. It's not, I am the catcher. You shall submit to me as the caller of the game, and I said curveball, and by God, it's a curveball.

That's like the Christian man who goes and goes, you get in a fight and he's like, well, this this is why. Well, I'm the man. You must submit. That's like, I'm the leader. You realize if you have to look at someone and say I'm the leader, you stopped being the leader long ago.

Guys, if you tell your wife, you must submit to me, I'm the leader, you're not leading. Sorry. You're just not. Ladies, you still should respect anyways.

Be the catcher that gets down and will do the hard work. We'll get on your knees for your family. And when they're throwing the ball bad and it's not working, you're the one that throws your body in front of it and takes it off the shoulder and other sensitive places on your body even though it's their bad pitch,

because that is your job. That's your position, and all that desire for glory out there in the world to be the greatest at your job, to be the best athlete, be all that, it's misplaced. It's supposed to be targeted at your home.

Be the hero of the home, and how you be the hero is be the catcher. That's how it's supposed to work. Is that how it's working for you? Bottom line, that means what the answer is surrender to God's love and submit to God's ways,

and here's the problem. We have the same fear that they had in the garden, like, maybe I'm missing out on something. And you're like, what if I respect but he doesn't love? What if I love and she won't respect? That's not your job.

As my dad used to say, we would start yelling at each other when we're having a bad game and he's coaching us. He goes, stop telling each other how to play. You worry about your position. I'm the coach. Let God take care of that. Just play your position. You know why it asked submit

and then love the way it does? First Peter talks about the same thing, but it uses these words for submit and and to love, and it uses a word that submit

literally, the word means to bow before. So it tells the wife, bow down before your husband. What? But then the word it says to love and and cherish is a word that's almost a worship word. It means to put up on a pedestal, to raise up. Have you ever noticed that when a pitcher follows through,

their head's the same height as the catcher's? As you bow in respect and he lifts up on a pedestal in love, you're eye to eye. That's how it works. And that's how you can actually get through the differences. And that's how you can have this incompatibility. Instead of making you inoperable, it'll make you unstoppable.

Even with your differences, your differences can now start to help you if you understand it's playing a game of catch. It's pitching and catching, striking out the enemy.

And how that works is not getting so defiant. Forget that catcher's calling. Know what, hitter? Here you go. I'm just gonna throw a fastball right over the middle of plate. It's not like, fine. You won't call the pitches on con and let them go by.

You think you're getting back at the other player. You're just letting the whole team lose. Let me give you example to close this down. I've told you last week, I'm not gonna tell you the details of what's going on as well, but I'm gonna tell you what happened a little bit around what happened.

Phase two parenting has been very difficult for my wife and I right now. I tell you what if you've been around the church, phase two is your kids are adults. I just entered the phase. My last one is an adult now, trying to go off to college. So I I'm now fully in that phase.

And and and phase two, what they don't tell you, and those of you that have already done this are laughing at me, is you think phase one's so hard because they're they're totally dependent. They cry, it's exhausting physically,

but phase two, what happens is your kids grow up, but they don't stop making you worry about them. They don't stop making you question their decisions.

Then only now, they're on their own in many ways, but they're not on their own. This is the worst part. I got one that wants to be on their own, but is still dependent on me. So the problem with phase two is you still have all those same problems, but you don't have as much leverage anymore unless they want something.

That's the only leverage you have, which can make it awkward. The other problem about phase two is the dumb things they're doing that make you worry. You're questioning yourself, is this because of their own sin and stupidity,

or did I do this? Because you're like, I helped raise this child, and so you have this weird seesaw. Alright. I'm mad at them. Why don't they do here's what they need to do, but wait. What if I actually made built that? And I mean, it's my fault. Now what am I supposed to do? So you feel really kinda bipolar, really.

And we've been going through the last six, eight weeks. It's been really difficult with some of the transitions. And there was an element of how my wife and I were built different in our personalities

that early on in our marriage, we thought it was a pure gift, but we were living it out through the not pitcher catcher analogy. We were living it out through the lens of the fall, but it just seemed to work. That only planted the seeds for the middle of our marriage to cause a lot of major fights,

but then we got through it, and it really helped us solve what's going on recently. Let me explain. My wife, in her personality profile we took early on when were married, is one that analyzes what do you do when you're under great pressure, crisis, and it says her natural bend is to just acquiesce.

I, on the other hand, could not be any more further on the other side of that spectrum. Under great crisis, the sergeant that raised me comes out at me, and I just see the plans like the matrix. I see all the numbers.

Here's what we do. So I'll just immediately take over. And in my leadership style, normally, I'm like with the staff here every day. I'm like a team player. I'm like, blah blah blah. But if there can't be made a decision, there's a crisis I see that, hey, that we don't have enough time, I will just take over, which the only time that causes problems with the staff is if I see a crisis that's not there. I'm seeing a ghost. All of sudden, I'm like, oh, hands on battle stations. You get there. You got that. We're doing this. And I'm like,

we're in harbor. What's going on? Well, that seemed early on in our marriage to work beautifully. So we never fought about those major things you fight and are like, financial crisis. I don't know what to do. Here's what we need to do. Okay. Done.

The problem is as my wife watched, she wouldn't say anything because she wasn't a plan builder, but she is a point seer.

She always sees into something, but it doesn't have a plan, so she wouldn't say anything at first. She goes she had she called it a feeling. That's part of what caused fights. So early on, she didn't say anything. Then she started to realize the problem with me just saying the plan even though she saw something is I can make a plan fast, but it doesn't mean it's always a good one.

So sometimes it would turn into more of a mess, and then she would think inside, I think I saw that. I think I saw a point that he missed, and and so then she started saying it.

And as she said it, she would say it this way, I have a feeling. Well, then I would not listen to her because it's a feeling and we need a plan. And then when it would go wrong, she would get a little bit bitter because it'd go wrong because I didn't listen to what she said. And then every time she'd build that resentment. In the middle of our marriage, every time this would happen, there'd be a huge blow up. She's like, I told you just like the last time, I had a feeling, I had a feeling, and I'd be like, yeah, you had a feeling, but I had a plan.

They wrote a song about it. It's more than a feeling. And I wasn't listening to her. I was the catcher that said, just shut up and throw the pitch I told you, but I have a feeling the curve ball is not working anymore. I feel that's not a plan. And it would cause lots of fights until I finally understood

she may not see a plan, but she always sees a point that when I shut up and listen to her wisdom and her spidey senses, usually the plan should probably be centered around that one piece of information. That point is the one fulcrum that the whole plan should be developed, and it'll win the day. I got smart.

I stopped being stubborn, And so we do that. So all of sudden, we get to the last six weeks. This could have easily been the type of things that would make us think we signed with the wrong team.

But instead, we're going back and forth on stuff, I keep coming with This is what it needs to be. This is it needs to be. And finally, my wife just goes, you know what? I don't know what we're supposed to do, but I just have this feeling. And I go, what do you mean? She goes, I see something. So she's learned, see something, say something. She goes, I don't know what we need to do.

I just know that there's this one thing I think we should look at. And at first I go, that's dumb. Probably because money was involved.

And I walked away. She didn't yell at me, didn't I? She just let it sit. She showed me respect. I went away. God punched me in the throat and said, do your job. Get back down.

Alright. Throw the pitch. It turned out that piece of information unlocked everything.

She didn't make the plan, but when I believed that, that led to me being able to use my gift, and we came up with a plan. That wouldn't have worked if we didn't just do what I just preached. In other words, if you've ever seen that first Wonder Woman movie,

at the end, there's a part Steve Trevor, the guy that she's in love with. He has this moment where he realizes a lot of people are gonna die if he doesn't sacrifice his life blowing himself up in a plane,

and when he goes to say goodbye to her, she realizes he's about to do a plan that's gonna involve him sacrificing himself, and she wants to stop and say she'll do it, And he goes, no. And he says these words, I can save the day, but you can save the world.

Catchers. That's what we're supposed to do. We save a play, but the pitcher saves the game. And you need to think about it. I'll blow myself up for my family, but my wife's insight and our love and respect for one another, what she noticed, I am not exaggerating without going into details, saved our world. Saved our world.

Your job is to make your wife Wonder Woman.

And ladies, let them. Father, I thank you. I thank you for your word and its clarity. And God, a simple prayer. I pray that everyone of us in this room, especially anyone who's struggling with any of this right now, struggling in their relationships, that God, that first we would embrace your love.

If anyone still hasn't surrendered your love, pray that they would just cry out to you right now in their own heart and turn from their sin and ask for forgiveness and put their faith in you and what you did on the cross. But Lord, for all of us that know you,

some of us maybe we're not throwing the pitches, we're throwing a temper tantrum, or Lord, we're not willing to squat down into the dirt and take the pitch that bounces off our shoulder, Lord, I pray we would just, through your power, through your love, we would submit to you and play our position with all of our hearts.

I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much for joining us this weekend. Let us know if we can help you in any way. Make sure to follow us on social media and connect with us on rockpoint.io for everything happening here at Rock Point.