Distorted | Week 7 | Message

the last week of this distorted series. And what we've been looking at is just the most common distorted beliefs that people think this is something that's either in the Bible or what Christianity is that that they it's it's usually a distortion of what the scripture really says.

And they're all the most common ones. And the last one happens to deal with parenting in the home. And and it's this this distortion that says, godly home equals godly kids. Almost as if if if you have the right formula and you'd lay out the right plan, you're guaranteed to have kids that are gonna be godly.

And and if all you have to know that that's not true is is have kids. So, I don't know why this still keeps going around. No. No. We're we're gonna discover the reality. Where does that distortion even come from? This idea that if I raise my kids in this godly home, they're automatically gonna grow up and follow Jesus.

And it really is a distortion of a proverb. Proverbs twenty two six. And it says, direct your children onto the right path and when they are older, they will not leave it. And so that seems to say exactly

what the distortion is. Then it seemed it sounds on the surface like, well, isn't that what it says? If you put them on the right path, they're not gonna leave it. But here's the problem. This is a little the teaching moment before we get into a good q and a discussion is simply this.

You have to understand what a proverb is. Proverbs are is God giving us the way of wisdom for life? They're principles. They're not promises. They're not guarantees. It's just saying this is the wisest way to live. And and and so if we think that's a promise, what happens when we do our best

and it doesn't seem to be working? The flip side can also be true. If we think that it's the plan we did and the fact that we got our kids to just obey or listen to us or they seem to act, it could be a temperament thing. You might think I've done it. And that can create pride and judgmentalism.

Like some of y'all might be sitting here go, well, kids tend to obey me and they're good, so I don't need to listen to what we're talking about. That that we we need to really unpackage what the truth is compared to this distortion.

Because because the the the truth is, like I said, you know, it doesn't always work out the way you think it's gonna work out. And and and the reality is we as parents are called to to faithfulness, not perfection. And there is no perfect formula that guarantees success.

So many of you might be really upset with us and what we're gonna talk about because we like simple answers. We want the formula. We want how to do it, and I'm just gonna tell you parenting, like many things in our walk in this world, can get messy. It can get frustrating. It can get difficult. And through it all, we have to have faith. We have to have focus on the Lord. And we have to understand that that that that that we have to trust him and him alone.

And a matter of fact, you know, God, you know, his first two children, Adam and Eve, he was owing two. You know, it's like there's it's like like, not feel as guilty. Just know, hey, where did I do what God's asked us to do? And and so the reason I believe that this proverb sounds right, the distortion sounds right,

is because I think we like simple answers. We like control. It really relates a lot to last week's distortion. This idea of legalism. We like to know that we can do this and get this. We like to be in control.

And that can create a lot of parenting styles, a lot of parenting pitfalls, and a lot of frustration, a lot of guilt, even some judgmentalism on our part if we think it's going well. And so what we really are gonna unpackage here is what I think the truth is compared to the distortion

is what Proverbs 22 and the rest of scripture when it talks about us as parents is is the big idea is simply this.

We need to raise God seekers, not just good doers. We need to raise God seekers. Now notice I said not just because same thing with legalism. You think, well, I'm raising a Godseeker, then it doesn't matter what they do. Yes. There

you need to have boundaries. There needs to be discipline. There needs to be principles. There needs to be things that you you you do have some control over your kids' lives when they're younger, and we need to. Some of it is you need to help make sure they survive to adulthood.

But the ultimate thing we're gonna unpackage here for a few minutes is simply this, is we are called to make disciples. And it says as we make disciples, we plant seeds, but God's the one that makes it grow. Well, the most ultimate disciple that we've been given the privilege and the responsibility to make

is the very human beings we made. So the same principles apply.

So what does that look like? What does that mean? How it sounds? How do we be faithful? How do we get through that? Last thing to share, because some of you are already shutting us off because you're like, I either don't have kids or my kids already moved out. It's too late. It is what it is.

Or your grandparents and all that. Now you got two generations of it. It is what it is. What we're gonna talk about applies especially if you don't have kids and you want to have them. It's really good to know this. If you have kids of any age, these principles will apply.

Well, even, you know, this stuff goes as far as even if you have grown kids, and it just looks a little different. And if you're a grandparent, and some of the stuff we're gonna talk about, it doesn't matter if you don't have kids, don't want kids, don't expect kids, whatever.

Some of what we see here is what we need to be as followers of Christ anyways. So I'm hoping that that we all will be able to take something away from this. Correct? Yeah. Right. Well, what we're gonna do is we're gonna dive in and handle this by asking some questions, and then my wife's gonna answer them

So I basically get a weekend off. So if I drift off, just wake me up. Okay? No. Just kidding.

But the first couple questions, we just wanna go through them fast. This last two we really wanna dive into. But to to settle some things because some people might disconnect going, well, what about this? What about you already be struggling with some things and think that this wouldn't apply. And so the first question is simply this.

Well, does raising kids in a godly home even really matter then if it's not a guarantee? Like if you can't guarantee success, why is it important to actually raise kids into godly? Why would it be important to have boundaries and and and try to point them out and and and and and try to teach them?

Yeah. And show them the right path, so to speak. I of course it matters. There's really nothing in life is guaranteed except what do they say? Death and taxes. Yes. But

it's not. I was just actually thinking about this even this week. We got a pool fence put in. We have a pool been in the house ten years. We haven't had a fence. We didn't need a fence for for the kids ages when we moved in. We have the security screen and the lock and all of that. But, you know, we have grandkids.

And our oldest grandkid, he can he's almost six. He can swim. He he can absolutely swim. But he can get through now that he can reach the the security lock and the the screen and all of that. And so we have the littles coming up too. We have three two other little, grandbabies. And actually my daughter is a swim,

teacher and she just said, and she knows all the statistics and her passion is, safety around pools. And she said, mom, you gotta we gotta get another barrier. We need a fence. And I said, write a check. Didn't happen, by the way. He just says things. Yeah. But so we got we got the fence. Of course, we got the fence.

Because, you know, responsible homeowner and a grandma who would do anything to protect her babies. Yeah. So we got And it's the same thing spiritually. The same thing is God says, hey, here's the wisest way. Right. And just like a pool fence is not a guarantee,

but it is your best bet. Yeah. And so in other words, guys, we're called to shape the environment, but you can't force hearts. Yeah. And that's why there's no guarantee. Because we're all created with free will, but we're in a fallen world and have

And and and so, yes, it does matter, which leads into this this next question of quickly to help people settle where they're at is, what about parents who feel guilty because their kids walked away? Like, hey, what about the ones in room that says, but I did do that. I did put the shape that I put up the pool fence in the house. I I I I in the spiritual sense, I kinda made our home a godly place, and we did the best we can. And yet our kids still don't walk with the Lord, And now I feel they feel bad. Yeah. They feel guilty. What would you say Well, to couple thoughts on that.

First of all, any kids walking away from anything that you are believe in and you've taught them, that's hard and that's heavy.

And actually literally just this morning, I I saw a quote from Francis Chan and I thought, oh, that was that was kinda perfect for this. And he said, our sense of weakness and desperation is exactly when God's grace is most sufficient. And, I just think about that when you are heartbroken

because you see your kids going in a direction that you didn't want for them. Know, we can remember that's when God's grace is most sufficient for us. But here's the other thing too, just an encouragement. You know, you don't know the end of the story.

This you don't that just they're walking away right now, they're going down a path you don't love. That that doesn't mean that's the end. That doesn't mean that's that's where it's gonna where they're gonna land. You know, you keep praying, you keep loving, you keep trusting.

And then just kinda something else I was thinking about, you know, when when you feel guilty, that that really means that you feel like you didn't do enough or you could have done more. But we all could have done more, right? I mean, there's just

None of us do this thing perfectly. And even just what you said here with God in the Garden of Eden, I mean, was a perfect God is the perfect father, and he had a perfect home for Adam and Eve, they walked away.

They chose Yeah. Not to kind of the same thing with what we're trying to talk about here too is to help not feel guilty because you never know. Because you never know even when it's going good or apparently good, you never really know. You just gotta trust God because there's a story that Jesus uses a parable

to try to talk to the Israelites, his own people. His the people that they were given the law. Know, they they God made a covenant with Abraham, and he says, I'm

salvation to the world through you. But now they had the temple, and they had all the do gooding. They had all the right ritual and all that. And yet here Jesus shows up, and a lot of them are having a hard time with him. And they're rejecting him. And he kinda tells this story about these two sons that a father had. In the parable, what he's setting up is the father is God.

He has the older brother this story, the older son, he is Israel. He's the one that he's been faithful. He stays home. He's good. Then you got the younger brother, which represents those outside. They didn't grow up. They're not Jewish. They didn't have all the privileges of knowing God in this way.

He rode runs away. It's called the parable of the prodigal son. It's in Luke 15. Right? I gotta confirm with the master and the degrees.

I gotta be careful. She's gonna get mad at me. And I'm a little nervous because if you've been around here long, we have a process that every time we get up to preach, we fight during the week. And and and and we're not sure if that's part of the process that makes it good, but we didn't fight this week.

So I don't know if that means it's gonna be bad or if you might get to experience the fight right here on stage. Which could be a lot of fun, so buckle up. But these two brothers. And what he's trying to show is that the younger brother,

he's far from that. He leaves. He does something this way. He says, hey, you know what? I want my inheritance. He goes far away. But he kinda knew who his dad was, and when he his life starts to fall apart. So he's the one like you think, he's raised in this home and he runs he goes far away.

Yet he realizes it and comes back and repents and ends up in a great relationship with his father. The father actually wants to celebrate, and in that moment, the older son, the older brother gets really mad.

He's trying to prove a point that Israel is like, you guys are rejecting me because I'm accepting all these. I'm reaching all these people that are far from God. You think that's unfair. We're the chosen ones. What's the deal? They're getting upset. We've stayed. We're the faithful ones. Why?

And he was trying to prove a point to them. And and the reality in the story is it started with the younger brother so far. The one that we're always worried about. I guess I failed as a parent. They're so far away. It ends with him back and really close.

But the brother that never left, the son that never left, the story ends with him outside of the party. He says, I don't want to be a part of this. Now he is out there. See that story in scripture is actually should be called the parable. It's called really theologically the parable of the prodigal sons.

But we by nature think the only prodigal one is the one that went far away. When really this father had two prodigal sons, One just never left home.

Here's the sad thing. Because he did good, he did the right thing, he got offended by it. Dad, you're doing this for me. You never did this, that. He uses the term, when I slaved for you. That's the heart of legalism. That's the heart of the way we we're not God seekers. We're just good doers. And so sometimes if we are that way as parents, we end up with these kids that they stay at home, they do the things we want them to do, and you think you've got it all together.

And the reality is they might be just as far away from God as your child that literally runs far away. The whole thing in all of that is God is saying, this is my own children. So there's hope in that for us. Because if a perfect God has that happened because of free will? We know that we just gotta be faithful.

And don't get prideful if your kids are obeying you right now, because are they really God seekers? Or if you just got a temperament child and you were able to force the situation that they just are the good doers? Because that could be a problem down the road. But we don't have to feel guilty. We just have to be faithful.

Which kinda comes to the third, which is the opposite extreme.

Is is what if, for the people in the room, what if I didn't even try to raise them in a godly home? Is it too late? Like, maybe you weren't a Christian, or maybe you just didn't care. Maybe you didn't try. And now you're looking at the results and you're like, is it too late? They're they're out they're adults now. It's it's Yeah. It's done. No. I I feel like this this whole question could be a message in and of itself.

So just simply to say, it's never too late. It's never too late. And that's the thing about God and his grace and his power and his love. And he he's he meets you where you're at.

Trust trust in trust in that, trust in his love and his and here's the thing, like he loves your kids more than even you do. So never too late. Let them see Your life. That your life, that change in your life.

Yeah. I feel like I I have so many thoughts and would love to talk about that more. But It's never too late. It's never too late. Keep saying is, but don't try to go back and control them like they were a little kid again. You can't force it. Just let them see your life change. Let them see your life change.

This is good spot to say some of you, hey, I'm not dealing with the kid thing, but I'm dealing with being the kid of a parent that caused a lot of hurt in my life. Mhmm. I would hope that what we're talking about here is is is you can see the grace

and and and and maybe grab a hold of the grace of the heavenly father who is the perfect father. And allow that to help you start to walk past that pain and not get stuck in it. Not get stuck in it. And maybe you can just let go. Like, forgiveness is sometimes it's it's a one way street. Forgiveness sometimes

is is not for the other person. It's for you to be able to move past. It's like unchaining you from that because and and and and and in doing so, maybe that can help you as well. Alright. So so so then really, as we looked at these these three questions,

The last two we wanna dive in a little bit more. And and that is okay. So what we're really saying is what does it the ultimate goal really come down to?

Because there is good doing. There is the things It's you not just that. So it's really the order of things. But if we were to just bottom line, we're saying raise a God seeker, not just a good doer. What does that really mean? What is the true goal of being a Christian parent? Yeah. And I I just see it all

throughout scripture, of course. It's really our job as parents is to point them to a relationship to Jesus, not just about following the rules. Again, this week actually, I was in the book of Isaiah and I was just reading, I thought it was it was so perfect.

It was in chapter one in twelve and thirteen. And and in this, God is, he's rebuking the Israelites. Basically, they were just they were bringing, meaningless gifts and offerings.

And he said that they were just praying through the courts, just and it it was actually disgusting. He called it disgusting. And so here the Israelites were literally following the law of sacrifice and and the way they offered, they performed their offerings. They were they were following the rules.

They were the Israelites. They were God's chosen people. They were doing what they were they're keeping doing what they were supposed to do and and really appeasing God, keeping them on their side. But they were filled with pride because of who God said they were.

And but what they were doing, were their hearts were so far from God, and he literally called it disgusting. And I I think about, you know, that just in

in our lives. So really our kids, the goal is not to raise kids. You just follow the rules and even just Not go to pray in the courts of church. Right. You know, you you can sit you can do all the things and we know that and we talk about that. You can you can do all the things. You can you can behave all the right ways, but when your heart is far from God. But and here's what's interesting about this. If you read further along in scripture, realize in the story of the Israelites, they had actually yeah. At this point, they were doing all the things that they were supposed to be doing.

But that that can only last so long because because their hearts were so far from God, they began to not even follow God. Yeah. And they were doing disgusting actual things in the temple. And they then at that point, then they literally forgot God. So so

doing the things without a relationship with God honestly just leads to you're not even doing the good things anymore because Basically what Isaiah's talking about and what Jesus was trying to point out when he came was they were being the older son. Yeah. They were doing the things, but they didn't

really know Jesus. Yeah. So it was more about not just being well behaved, and as parents, you don't want just well behaved moral kids that can be successful in life. They need to know Jesus personally. Yeah. And you need to know his love first. That's the whole definition of godly. A lot of times it comes down to godly

godly kids. The problem is how we define godly. Most people think when you hear godly, it means we actually, when you say, what do you think that means? What we end up describing is goodly, not godly. Goodly. Hey, they're good. They do the moral thing. They do the right thing.

Godly in scripture just means that you have been transformed by the love of Christ, and your goodly behavior is a natural byproduct and a fruit of a transformed heart that knows that, wow, I was far from God and I don't deserve this, but he loved me and died for me. Therefore, I think the things he wants me to obey him on,

he understands how it works better than I do. So I'm gonna trust him. The trust should come a result of you see his love. In other words, how I always say it over and over, it's kind of a soapbox for me, we need to live from his love, not for his love. Living from his love does produce good faith. You were gonna obey.

Living for his love, you can obey, but you don't even have the love. You don't have the connection. And that's what the older brother was doing. He was living for the love, and then when all of sudden he saw the younger brother walk away, come back. He's like, wait, he didn't do all the right things to get all that way. He never understood.

And so the ultimate goal is to develop a disciple, someone who knows Christ. And here's the hard part, what we're kind of beating around the bush at, is you can't put someone on that path if you're not walking that path. A lot of times I think we're concerned with goodliness

over godliness because that's our relationship with God. We're more concerned with our success. Don't cause a problem for me. Don't do this. And then when we're not, we try to control, and then we use God as an instrument to say this is what God says to do,

and and and and and it kinda throws it off. And then that usually becomes about the control. And when you try to control, we always end up losing control of ourselves. You try to control someone else. You wanna know how to lose control of yourself and lose self control? Try to control someone else.

Just just try. I mean, matter of fact, you have a great example that you wanted to share. You were little bit nervous to share it because you said, hey, people might judge me. And I said, you actually have heard me preach before. Right? Can it get any worse than the things I say? So

go ahead. Well, I need a drink before I no. Of water. Of water. Yeah. It's water. Speak for yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. I did. I so wanted to share a story, and it involves, screaming the f word at my 13 year old son in the parking lot of church on the way into church. And really, you know, back up a bit, 13 year old kid, you know, son, and just hear what was going on really? And he was he was being a little punk ish.

And and honestly, it was fighting about going to church. He would have rather stayed home and played video games. And you know, that's really not even the issue, because what was what was happening, what was going on is what was going on inside of me. And for me, specifically at that time in my life, I was trying to

figure out, you know, raising these kids and making them really my goal was to make them there was a lot of behavior modification that I was trying to put on them. And I was losing control. I couldn't do it. He was he was fighting me and it was He was also six feet tall and two hundred pounds already,

it's not like you can manhandle him into there. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. And I think, you know, in that moment, him fighting me walking into church and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, we're, you know, we're walking into church. We're the pastor's family, like, quit fighting me. Let's go to church. And, you know,

clearly I thought screaming the f word would have made that better. I don't but

you know, you just lose it. You lose control at that moment when you're when you're so trying to control someone else, you you lose control of yourself. And that's literally what happened. And it he you know, I think what it was is his his actions were reflecting back to me, you know, my own insecurities and my own,

deficiencies as a parent I felt at that time. And, and that's what it was. It was just this this and it wasn't in just it was it was that moment, but really for me it was is that kind of that time period. And I had to take a step back and look at like, what's going on?

And what's going on with me instead of trying to figure out with him what is let's talk about this. Let's talk about why that triggered something so deep inside of me that I had to scream bad words in the parking lot. But

Security tells me there's been a domestic incident in the parking lot, and they're describing you. I'm like, oh, wait. Oh. I know that person. Let's just forget about that. No. That didn't actually happen. That was before we had cameras everywhere.

It's probably recorded, I'm sure.

No. Yeah. And and and so that's kinda what it boils down to. It's like like what you said, is that you felt bad. Like, you didn't that was the wrong way to handle it, but you weren't wrong about how you wanted him to behave. Right.

Because we knew he knows the Lord. It wasn't like he was being walking away from God. It was just like he was playing a video before he left, and he was totally getting a new love, and he just snapped 13. Just go. I I wanna stay here. No. And then he became

a pain. And then but what really flipped the switch for you wasn't that. It was the way it looked to you. The way it was gonna make you look. The way it made you feel. The control.

I let her share because I got I could go on the rest of the week, if you wanna know how many times I've done that, to the kids. Because I naturally I am bigger than six feet tall and two hundred pounds. So I could have solved it a little bit easier. And it probably would have been a problem in the parking lot.

But but yeah. Like, it's same thing. Same same issue that when we we make it about us, it becomes a mess. And you know, we do this a lot. Even take of the spiritual aspect about it. A lot of us dads, it's why watching youth sports is a little bit crazy, especially if you don't have a kid there. Go watch it. What was that?

Is it the Lord?

And and it's a little nuts when you're not connected with your own kid and you watch it from outside. Us, it's like the way we act with our kids in sports, that's our way. So many times we make it about us,

and we're so controlling and so on like, we're trying to live vicariously, and we don't want them to embarrass us. We won't admit it, but that's what we do. I know this because I coach sports. I had to deal with dads and even moms for years

That they're coming at me mad and has nothing to do with what I'm doing to coach their kids. Has everything to do with you want it a certain way because it's about you. That's really what happens when we think there's a formula and when we think it's our job to make it happen, we lose control.

We're gonna miss the greater goal. Last question we wanna talk about for a few minutes then is, okay, let's talk about just a few

simple what is some practical help to help connect your kids to Jesus, not just behavioral modification?

And I'm talking about all ages, but Mhmm. So so what are some of the things we can give them before we get into that? Just just even looking back on my own parenting and things maybe I wish I had thought more about or whatever. But first thing, just to reiterate, remembering it's not about us and and that

that their behavior is I mean, making them be good images for us. Okay. So that's one of them. Secondly, just really the intentional parenting, so walking the walk. So if there's something that we want them to do, if we want them to have, a deep and real and

purposeful relationship with the Lord, we we have to have that. Yeah. We they and and I you know, live that out. Live your faith out. And I you know, we talked about this even the last time I was here, living that out. Even

sometimes how messy that looks, just live it out. And and there was one part of that when I think about that making making your faith visible, praying together, talking about God naturally. And I thought about like normalizing apologizing.

You know, like like just just imagine if your kids saw that every day, like, oh my gosh, sorry, I I didn't handle that right. And I'm not talking about owning things you don't need to own or

I'm I'm thinking that's something.

Just you might have had the right idea what they needed to do, but like in the parking lot. It wasn't wrong that he needed to come to church. Right. He should have obeyed. Yeah. But, you know, dropping the f bomb probably wasn't the best way to do it. Know?

The same kind of kind of and it's okay. You can both can be right. A lot of times we as parents, we don't want to admit any mistakes because we think we're telling them that what they did was fine. You can you can both can be at the same time. You can both say, hey.

I'm still frustrated you disobeyed and and I needed you to listen to me and here's why, but I didn't need to do it this way. I'm sorry I did it this way. Well, and then that another thing that I was thinking about too is when we talked about intentionally walking the walk,

letting them see that in you, there's also an element that I thought too, kids aren't just gonna they need to see that, and you need to be living that, you know, honestly. But it's not just this osmosis thing either. Like you you don't we need to be leading them and guiding them intentionally.

And I as you know, when you think about it in scripture too, there there's some very godly men, David and Samuel and and even, Moses' brother Aaron. These again, these were very godly good men. In fact, God talks about David being a man after God's own heart. He calls him a man after his own heart.

But it also talks about that their children, weren't weren't weren't good. They weren't following the Lord. And it says specifically that they didn't guide their children. They didn't lead their children. They didn't direct them in the Lord. So again, of course, it's not a guarantee that if they had, they would turn out

well, but they just they didn't. And they And one of the best things that that we discover well, you discovered more directly that can be more intentional in helping you do that would be to have a team around you that that that That's And

I I it did. It sort of for us, it came organically because I think just the nature of Phil and what he does, and so we had people, always praying for us. But I had a I had a handful of people who just who for twenty years have been, praying specifically for our kids. And, in fact, one in one

in particular, I was just talking with, this week, and she said, know, I I remember there were times I would pray over one of your kids here and there at different times, something I didn't fully understand and there weren't any details in in what God had given me to pray about over them.

But I was praying and then she said we'd meet up and you'd, you know, maybe even months later we'd meet up and you'd kinda tell me what was going on and she'd say, oh, that's what I was praying over.

And I I just thought how powerful was that? And so again, for us that happened a little more organically, but that can happen very intentionally. Find people in your life to pray over your kids. Pray specifically for them. And but here's the thing, and I would wanna say too, and maybe even you might be somebody

who is either done raising kids or you're not in that place, you know, you don't have kids or you don't want kids or whatever it is, you could be that person for somebody. Or if you're a grandparent. That's one of the good roles of being a grandparent. You can do two things.

Spoil the grandkids rotten and undermine your kid's parenting to get back at them so it feels good. And then pray for the damage that you're causing and pray for their lives. So see, it's kind of a it's a good combo there. That's what we do. Oh, I know. She doesn't. That's what I do. But no.

But yeah. But then a few other things just real quick before we wrap this up. We were talking and I just wanted to we just wanted to leave you with like maybe just what's a one first step you can do

to wrap all this up? Like, what's one thing that maybe I could focus on for each age if you depending on the age you have kids. For example, the first one, littles. If you have littles, I think one thing you could just here's a real practical step you can do to start doing this is tell them who God is,

not just what to do. And not just use God as the threat to tell them what to do. You know what I'm saying? Is tell them who God actually is.

And and and for example, I just had my son was here last night. And and and and you need to make it natural. It's just always should be talking about when they do something good. But just talk about who God is. Not just always, this is what God wants. Let get them to know who he is.

And and and he remembered. He texted me right after the service. Goes, dad, I remember that is so true because there was a time when I was little and I don't know if mom wanted a break or whatever, but you were coming to church early in the morning on a Sunday to do the run through, and you brought me with you. Probably because get him out of the house

or profanity might fly. Just kidding. Alright. Fight didn't start. We're good.

And

he goes, he was sitting there front row and I'm listening. I'm talking. I just looked down at him and just to encourage him, just smiled. Go we're talking about who God is. I was just running through my message and I said, hey, Jaden, to let him understand what I was just saying. I go, do you know that God is greater than ice cream and pie for breakfast?

And and and I just said it. He lied. He's you know? And then he just wrote and said, do you realize that changed my life when you said that? Because, know, six six feet tall, two hundred pounds by 13, he would like ice cream and pie for breakfast. But but the idea was in his level

to understand that God is greater than and he thinks ice cream and pie for breakfast would be the greatest thing ever. It was a simple little, but it was natural. I'm always saying stuff. We're always saying stuff like that. So he actually knew who God was at his level.

Rather than so he didn't hear about God being, you know, God's not happy when you do that. He's not blah blah blah. And a lot of pastors, the mistake is, you know, I'm a pastor. You need to act like a pastor's kid. And and and that's not a good thing to do. So yeah. So let's do that. With with teens.

With teenagers, one of the most priority things, you still need to do each of these at each level. But with teenagers, I think the thing you should really we should really focus on, what I try to do is affirm their identity in Christ, not just their behavior.

Like, even when they do good things, even when they have successes, don't just say, hey, good job. Look what you did. Like, hey, you know, this is cool. That's what Jesus is like. That's what's affirming. Because guess what? There is a war out there in this world

where people think identity comes from somewhere else in. Or it's something you do, something you believe, it's your sexuality, it's it's the money you have, it's the career you choose, it's the it's your hobby. It's like we look we we feel like the the world tells us you have to go find an identity.

When when we know that the we get our identity from the God who made us and love us. Do they know that? That's the first step. Just hammer that as much as you can. And then with adults, because now you think it's too late, with adults, you release control but stay present. You can't parent an adult

the way you did when they're kids. You can't argue them. You can't keep nagging them. You can't do any of them, which you shouldn't do those things anyways. But you you can't control it. You never could.

And if you try to control but not be present sometimes we use our presence like, if you're gonna live that way, I'm not gonna be around you. I wouldn't be that It's like, no. Stay present in life. Let them know that you love them. Do what Jesus did. Love Bottom line is love them the way Jesus loves you.

And and you the way you live and the way they see your story and the way they know that you're present and love them anyways, anyways, that's probably the way God's gonna use to turn them back.

Matter of fact, I had a 16 year old come up to me after last service and say, hey, I'm a 16 year old. It's my parents that I'm trying to get to clock in more. I come all the time, my mom a little bit, my dad doesn't really show up. What do I do? And I said, everything I said that you should do with an adult child,

reverse engineer that. You got adult parents that you're trying to point to Jesus. Do the same thing And honor them. If you honor them even when you feel like they're not being honored, they're gonna notice that in your life. And then you can have a conversation with them. The same thing with your adult children.

Be specific to each child because children are different. Sometimes the path, the conversations are gonna be different. And in all of that, be humble. Because we need to be surrendering to God if we want our children to surrender to God. And we need to surrender our children to God. Humility says,

God loves me more than I can love myself, and God loves my children more than I can love them, and be humble in that. And you have a good, like, little wrap up story that kinda ties us all together about you and our youngest daughter. Yeah. I don't know if anyone remembers about four years ago,

and you had shared this from Sage, we had taken our daughter to, drop her off in London for school, 18 years old. And that was, you know, that was hard leaving our our baby, 6,000 miles away. But what we didn't really talk a lot about of course was

the months leading up to it were really, really difficult. And not only because,

you know, you're preparing to take your kid and drop them off. Also it was COVID and we were dealing with schools overseas and and all that. It was really a difficult time. But what it was is Sarai actually had been going through a really difficult time personally. There was a lot of things going on. It had actually been for a year,

and it really kinda culminated in these few months before we left. And it was just a probably one of her most difficult dark times in her life. And so much so that we there was even times where it was like, is she going, is she not going kind of thing. But what I saw in her in this time

was her really just surrendering to the Lord and like very actively trusting him, and and, talking about her faith in him, and knowing that he had her in this time. And that was really powerful to me because, you know, we have we have three kids, and and we laid the the faith foundation for for all of them.

You know, didn't do everything right. Screwed a lot of things up really. I I I say, I feel like we got the big rocks right. There's a lot of things in between that that we didn't do so great. But for my older two, I never I just I had a confidence with them that even as rotten as they got at times,

and as far off the path and trail that they they went, I I just had this confidence that that they were rooted in the Lord. And no matter what happened, they they would come back. I had that confidence in them, and not that it was always gonna be easy or all of that, but Like for instance, Jaden,

who we always tell the crazy examples about. Mhmm. He always had the most sensitivity. He he yeah. He he was probably actually outwardly the most difficult child as Hence the f we've shared. Hence the f word.

But but he really did. He he had a he has such a sensitive spirit to the Lord. So so as crazy as he drove me at times, I knew. I I had that confidence, with that. But from my perspective with my youngest daughter, I didn't I didn't have that confidence. I did not know where she stood with him.

And there and so much so that there was a time where I was like, you know, I I'd be surprised but not surprised if she looked at us and just said, I don't believe what you believe. And I don't believe in the God you believe in and just walked away. So

going through this really difficult time to hear her say this, she's like, oh my gosh, Lord, thank you. Thank you for this. Like, what what a gift. It it made this the hard part of this, these these the last year and especially these last months, worth it.

And and it gave us such peace as we we we left her, we took her, and we just dropped her off, and we just left her in London.

So I was like, thank you, Lord, for that. So she she went school. She finished up that year, came home, and honestly, was a couple weeks before she was supposed to go back. And she looked at us and said,

you know, just I don't think I'm actually supposed to go back. I don't think that that is the direction in life I'm supposed to take. And so obviously, was selfishly, was thrilled. Wanted So was our bank account. Yes. This is this is true. But,

you know, of course, wanted to pray about, make sure it was the right decision and and after much prayer and all of that, you we knew it was the right decision. So I was so happy. And then like about three months in, I was not so happy anymore. And I was like, do you wanna go back? And Like, I'll take you back.

I don't like, I don't what happened? This was all of a sudden, this girl it just I was so confused because that year that she was home, that first year she was home, was just like, who what happened? Like, she was, what I saw was just someone who was just like angry, just pushing us away.

I saw no relationship with the Lord. I I saw no spiritual, movement. I saw, she didn't want anything to do with church. And I was just like, what is happening? Like, God, we went through this whole thing and you made it really clear that like like you had her and we took her and then like now she's this is really

this is hard. And I actually it was funny, a couple months ago we were talking about it, and I was like, oh my gosh, Sarai, you sucked during that whole year. And she goes, so did you. I was like, fine. Well, we were on the same page on that then. But,

no, it was just rough. I I whatever. So anyway, she'd been home about a year. And I was getting ready to go on a mission trip, one that was very much out of my comfort zone. And I was kinda getting ready for that and God so rudely asked me, told me to ask her to go with. And I literally was like, I'm gonna ignore that.

Pretend like I didn't hear. And he was like, no, I need I need you. Ask her. Ask her to go with you. And God, I was so frustrated with God. I was like, are you kid are you kidding me? Like, don't know if you've paid attention much the last, like, year, but she's not really into you,

and I'm not really into her right now. Like, this is a hot mess waiting to there's like, other people would be involved in this. Like, I don't there's collateral damage that could happen if she goes, I wait a I think you got your communication crossed and like, can you call me back when you have a better connection?

K. Thanks. Bye. So I wrestled. I wrestled for, like a month over this. And finally, just I've walked to the Lord long enough to know like, stop wrestling and just do what he says. So I asked her, Shrey, do you wanna go on this mission trip? And she was like, yeah, I actually really want to. And I was like, wait, sorry.

I this is a mission trip. Like we're not going on vacation. Like this is hard gonna be hard work. These are late nights and early mornings and we're working with kids and there's probably snot involved. Like I and she goes, no. I really wanna go. I think this is what I'm supposed to do. And so we went. And I

went with trepidation, but when we were there, I I I literally watched God do a miracle. I watched God I this my daughter did a one eighty. And I just by the end of that two weeks, she looked at me and she's like, this is what I wanna do. I wanna serve. What I didn't realize the year prior

was that she decided when she came home from school, she felt a little out of control and she's like, I don't like that. I'm gonna be in control of my life. I'm gonna go, do the things that I wanna do. I'm gonna live my life. And when I had asked her to go on this trip, is when God

was getting ahold of her heart and telling her, no, I have a better plan for you. And so I just, you know, what do you I just think about that and I'm just like, Lord, okay. Here's what I wanna say and here's how I wanna encourage you. You don't know. I knew in that year, like whatever it was she was doing,

she was not being encouraged in the Lord. She was not being pushed towards anything spiritual. She was she was walking away, but I didn't know actually, I didn't see that God had his hand on her the whole time. And that he was getting ahold of her heart and preparing a different way for her. So you never know.

You never know God got he cares for her even more than I do, even more than we do. And Full Circle, she is on staff here. Did I say that already? No. She is on staff here. She's getting her degree, master's degree in Christian thought and practice. And actually, we're leaving Thursday for the same mission trip. Yeah.

Again, together. And that's really that really summarizes the whole story. You never know. And the reality is we we wanna raise God seekers, not just good doers. Because if you truly seek God, the other part takes care of itself. But you can't force it. And the the best way you can do it is to choose to be one yourself.

And hey, there's a lot of young people in this room too. Maybe you actually like seeking the Lord more than your parents. Just do the same things we just talked about. Let your parents be your kids. Paul says to Timothy when he was a young man, don't let people look down upon them because of your youth. Set the example.

Honor your mother and father. Show them the love of Christ and see what happens as well. Because God is, He is better than ice cream and pie for breakfast. Amen? Let's

pray. Father God, I just thank you, Lord. I thank you for how you do love us more than we love ourselves, and you love our kids more than we can love them. So Lord, I just pray that through all of this, even if we don't have kids in this room or if we're watching online, that you would speak to us about how much you love us

and how much you seek for us to know you, that we could accept that love and seek to know you back. So Lord, I pray that for our children. I pray that for ourselves. I pray that for our parents. I pray that for our grandparents.

And Lord, I really do specifically pray for any parents in this room right now that are just struggling, and even some grandparents who have become parents again. Lord, I just I just pray that if it's a tough time, if they feel like they got prodigals, that they could just pray.

They could surrender, and they can be present. They can look out there, and they can just not try to control, but surrender to you. And Lord, I pray that they would see miracles. They would see you do incredible things in the lives of their kids. And I pray this all in the mighty, incredible name of Jesus, amen.