Chasing Bigfoot | Part 3

You know, we're we're in the middle of this series called Chasing Bigfoot. Everybody say Chasing Bigfoot. It's it's the myth of the perfect parent. Like, there's been claims of sightings of Bigfoot but no one's ever really seen Bigfoot

at least, you know, if you're not a conspiracy theorist person for real and it's the same with parenting. I don't think any of us have ever seen a perfect parent. It's just a big old myth and what we're going to do is try to debunk some of the common myths that we so easily fall into

while parenting but if you're not parenting right now, I want you to lean into this because we're going be talking about people in general but just applying it to parenting.

So, it's going to be hopefully helpful for all of us regardless of where we are in life but if you are a parent, like you are in the fray of parenting right now, you have kids at home or kids in college. Raise your hands. Hold it up. Keep it up. Look around. God bless you. God save you. God rescue you. God help you.

It's a it's a big undertaking. If you have a Bible with you, go to the Old Testament, Psalms chapter one twenty seven. Psalm 127 and a lot of the verses I'm going to read here in a few moments are coming from the New Living Translation

and we'll swap out between that and what we call the NIV, just an FYI and the scriptures be on the screen if you don't have a Bible with you. So, just get ready. Psalm one twenty seven.

Our oldest child, her name is Ashley and when she was still about 10 old in diapers, a toddler right before she started walking, Shelly, my wife, and I, and Ashley were at the grocery store and it's a big grocery store

with, you know, kind of like a super Walmart type of thing and we get Ashley out of her her car seat and we put her in the grocery cart. We said, you know, sit her in that little basket on top. You know, you set the bread and stuff. Put her little legs to the little thing and and she's she's in the thing and before

the store scenario, just know that from birth, Ashley came out of the womb just full of energy, screaming like a dickens, and we were like in parenting mode from moment one and Shelly and I have never had an easy season as parents.

And so we're ten months into being brand new parents, trying to figure it all out and we are literally emotionally exhausted and we go to the grocery store this day and Ashley's in the cart. We're pushing around. We're getting groceries. You get too close to the to the aisle.

She grabs stuff off the shelf and pulling it off. It's falling off and she's trying to squirm out of the cart and again, we're just exhausted as parents and finally, we get to the point where Shelly says to me in that kind of that married tone. She says, you need to take her right now because I cannot handle this anymore.

Anybody ever had that kind of conversation? Six of us? Alright. The rest are liars. I'm telling you right now. They're lying.

Take her right now and then she says, take her on the other side of the checkout. I'll be done in just a few minutes. I'll check out. I'll meet you there. So, I I take Ashley and I'm trying to hold her. She's still squirming around and we go out to the other side of the all the big checkout lanes and against the wall, they have benches for people to set and they have these gumball machines kind of spread throughout much like this one on the screen right here. It's kind of right there. There it is and it's kind of like that and

it's right next to our bench and so I sit down with Ashley. Carts are going back and forth. People coming in and out and I sat her down and I'm just like, oh, god, I just can't do this thing. I mean, this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life except for marriage

and god, this is crazy and actually, I sit her down literally like a half a second. She's on the floor and she's crawling around and and I'm just tapped out. I'm like, you know what, kid? You just do whatever you want. Just don't get hit by a cart. Just stay near me and she crawls over to the the gumball machine and

she's fidgeting around the floor and she reaches for something and she she lifts up and this happens within a matter of She lifts up

a chicklet. Remember the chicklets, the gum? Like the little, the drug of the 80s, right? The handful of chicklets and she picks up this little chicklet but we all know that if there's a chicklet on the floor at the grocery store next to the gumball machine, it also comes with toppings.

And it had dirt and dust on it and a couple of hairs hanging down. True story. And in a matter of like it felt like you know two minutes, it was probably four seconds, she picks up the chicklet and she looks at it and I'm sitting on the bench and I just think, you're not. You won't. It's impossible. You did.

And she shoves the chickadee in her mouth. And I'm like, oh, so I get up off the bed. Now, I'm not saying I did this right, okay? I would do it differently now. I get up off the bench and I pull out the parent hook, which is the forefinger, right? And I go to try to put her mouth to get the gum and she's and

she will not let me and I'm like shoving, trying to get in her mouth and she's she's like flailing like a fish on a hook. She's like, I'm

trying to get my carts are going by. People are watching me do this thing. I finally get my finger in her mouth and I get the chicklet and I pull it out and it's literally, it's already discolored like the the dyes come off of the surface. Phlegm is like going down my hand and there's hairs hanging off the thing

And I throw it aside. I'm like, oh, this is disgusting and I sit down and she stays on the floor and I'm just again, I'm like, I'm done. I failed and Ashley proceeds to while sitting on her diaper on the floor, scream a scream that would shriek the hearts of any human being. I mean, it's just like, just

crazy screaming. Then, she starts to hit her head on the floor. While she's screaming. I mean, it's this is, I mean, just she's banging her head and I'm again sitting here and I'm just like, oh, woah, woah, I'm just, I'm done.

I am done. Well, she's still banging her head on the floor, screaming bloody murder. Two elderly ladies, each with their own cart, come walking by and they look at me. I'm not kidding you and they looked at me like I was the devil from the pit of hell And they're like, CPS, yes, we have an incident. You know, kinda.

And they stare at me and I stare back. And I yell at them with my inside voice.

Thankfully, didn't get to the outside. Here's what I said on the inside in a very angry tone while they're just like staring at me. I stared at them and on my inside voice I yelled, don't you stare at me, woman. You don't know what I've gone through. Don't you be judging me? And I am just,

god, don't you judge me. You don't know what I've gone through. Is that like an extreme story or is anybody else ever had those moments like, I mean, parenting is stinking hard. At least for Shelly and I, it's been. It is super hard and I just want you to know. There is no judging of one another here today in this conversation.

None of us are going to judge the other. If there's anything I have grace and mercy and compassion on, it's a parent in a moment with their kid and it's one of those moments, right? One of those crazy moments with kids. I'm just like, oh god, help em. I know exactly what it feels like to be in that whole moment. That

was twenty one years ago.

Just a couple weeks ago, our daughter Ashley, sitting on the floor in her diaper banging her head, screaming bloody murder because I pulled the chicklet out of her mouth, That that Ashley. She graduated from GCU just a couple weeks ago. Yeah. It's just crazy. And here's a picture. There she is with flowers.

She graduated with a business and marketing major and to the left of Ashley is our son Dylan. Dylan is 17. He's gonna graduate from high school. He goes to Folsom High School where we live in Folsom, California and he's gonna actually, he's made the choice. He wants to go to GCU as well out here in Phoenix

and then his goal after that is to go to medical school. He wants to be a doctor and then over to the right on the other side of Ashley is our daughter Morgan and she's a junior this year in college at a school called Palm Beach Atlantic in West Palm Beach, Florida. She's a marine biology major,

real passionate about marine science and conservation and all that stuff. I can no longer use plastic straws because of my daughter Morgan and all that kind of stuff. And then my wife, Shelly, and I wanna show you that picture for just a couple reasons. One, everything I'm gonna tell you is coming from a non expert

who's felt the pain, who's trying to still figure it out. And then the other reason I wanna show you that is mom and dad, you're gonna make it through. It's gonna happen. You're gonna get through this.

I'm almost all the way through it. So in a very selfish way, can I get a little applause here? Because I've gone to I'm just kidding. No. No. No. Just kidding. That's that it does feel good. Thank you. But no. And in our parenting journey,

if you're anything like me, there's moments when it does us well to just kind of recenter ourself or you know, hit the reset button. Maybe remind ourselves of some very important truths that come from god's word when it comes to parenting

and this is one of the biggest ones that I've had to go to and revisit in all the years of being a dad. Let me show it to you. It's in Psalm one twenty seven and if you've got it open there before you, go to verse three and here's what it says, children are a gift from the lord. Now, just let that sink in for a moment

because it doesn't always feel that way, does it? God says, children are a gift from the lord. They are a a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. Then, he says, how joyful.

How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them. Now, I've never really dug into that, you know, maybe the Hebrew word in the Old Testament of quiver. I should because I don't think I want a quiver full. I'm like, god, I got three and I lost touch. You know, I only had two hands and three was more than I can handle. So, I'm not sure what a quiver is but whoever has a quiver, if they're joyful, show me em because man, that's a lot of work but god says this, children are a gift from him.

And really the reality is that god is the one who invented parenting. He's behind all of it. So, we can thank him or maybe blame him depending on the day and on the moment, right? But god's the one who invented parenting and if it encourages you at all,

and you're familiar with the Bible, you're reading through the Bible, we realize, well, one, the only perfect parent ever is the one who created us. If you found Christ, you are now trying to grow in your relationship with the perfect parent and you read the Bible and we realize god's kids are jacked up. Right?

They've always have been and if you're not familiar with the Bible, just look at the person sitting next to you. Just real quick. Just glance over. Okay, look back up. Like I said, god's kids are jacked up. Right?

He invented this thing called parenting. However, all through scripture, he doesn't leave us on our own. He gives us goals and ways to parent that if we apply, totally help and in the beginning of scripture, go back to the beginning in the book of Genesis.

God kinda communicates a goal in parenting. Let me read it to you real quick. It's in Genesis two and verse 24. It's kinda coming out of the whole creation stuff and Adam and Eve and all that kinda thing and he says this, this explains why a man leaves. Everybody say leaves.

Leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one. Now, barring a special need, if my son or daughter is 40 years old, living in my basement, surrounded by Legos, Beanie Babies, and beer cans. I

now know according to Genesis two twenty four, I can walk down the steps and say, hey, I have a word from God for you. Here's what it says.

It's time to go because God has a plan for your life and it's not in my basement. It's time to roll on. I thought some of you needed to hear that. So, that's just on inside

but even bigger than that, he give us more goals in parenting and here's the one I really want to kind of camp out on is that as we look at the totality of scripture regarding parenting, god wants us as parents to help our kids grow up on the inside. Now, our kids grow up on the outside with very little help.

All we need to do is get some groceries and shove the food under the door. Open the door in a few years, it's get big, right? But I don't think any of us as parents wanna see the day when our kids are all grown up on the outside but still processing life like a child. God wants us to help our kids grow up on the outside

and the inside to become responsible adults. And that brings up the myth that we wanna kinda debunk today. And it's this myth that we kinda fall into. Is that our kids' happiness is what's most important.

This is not a hard sell. I think most of us would agree with this. That if we make our child's happiness, the priority in life, we're going to be quickly exhausted. Always trying to manipulate the environment and the emotions and the situation to kind of you know, give them that that proverbial pacifier

back through life, keeping them happy. It's just an exhausting endeavor. We want to suggest that god has a different priority than our kids' happiness. We want our kids happy. But what we wanna do is we we kinda suggest that it's our kids' heart that's the priority. That's what's most important. Our child's heart.

Because after all, isn't it true that we want our kids to to grow up emotionally healthy, spiritually healthy, able to have healthy relationships and healthy boundaries in life, really to be to for their overall well-being to be healthy. And I would suggest that it's from that place that we experience happiness.

We want to make their heart the priority. Let me show you some scriptures that show how important this is and it's not just a parenting thing. This is a people thing for every single one of us. Let me show you in Proverbs chapter four. Here's what the Bible says. Proverbs four verse 23.

It says, guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life. Isn't that powerful? God is saying your heart, our heart, the heart of our child is the priority because it's the condition of our heart that determines the quality and the course of our life.

Proverbs 27 verse 19 says, as a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. What we see on the outside is simply a reflection of what's on the inside and

Jesus teaches this in a few different ways in the New Testament. One of which is Matthew twelve thirty five where he says, a good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.

Basically, what he's saying is, what's on the inside is eventually going to work its way to the outside. So what I wanna encourage us to consider is the idea of shepherding our child's heart. Literally pastoring our children.

Now don't let that intimidate you, thinking oh my gosh, I'm not a theologian, I didn't go to seminary, don't even my, oh my gosh, I couldn't do that. Well, you don't have to be a theologian necessarily to be a pastor. I mean, you know, think look at Bill Bush. But anyway, the no. Just kidding.

I had to get that one in. I was like, oh, shit. But to shepherd our child's heart, now I'm all off track because I threw that in there. But don't let it don't let it intimidate you because I think what happens is let me put it this way. How many guys are really grateful if Rock Point is your home church?

The amazing work that the staff and the volunteers do in the kids ministry and with the students at Rock Point. How many guys are like grateful for the great work they do? I mean, it's awesome, right? It's awesome.

But I can guarantee, I don't even have to know you to say this with confidence. They are at home a lot more than they're at Rock Point. So, how can we as parents shepherd their hearts? Making the condition of their heart the priority

even above their happiness and there's a verse in scripture that I want to give you that I think is really the foundation of it all that I have gone back to over and over in my imperfect journey full of failures and mistakes as a dad that I've looked to kind of as that navigational compass as a parent trying

to shepherd the heart of our kids. Let me show it to you. It's in first Thessalonians. It's in the New Testament. First Thessalonians chapter two and just note that this chapter is written, inspired by god through the apostle Paul to these folks that have come to faith in the city called Thessalonica

and Paul being one that helped birth or launch this church, he is basically a father in the faith to these folks. So, he speaks to them in the tone of a father speaking to spiritual,

you know, folks growing spiritually. He says in this, in chapter two verse 11, for you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children. Now, pause there really quick.

Because I fully realize that we have had different experiences with our parents. Some of us have had wonderful experiences with our parents. Others of us, maybe not.

This scripture's given us the way that god would say, here's the way to go about it. He says this, I've dealt with you as a father deals with his children. How's that? Verse 12, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of god. He says, who called you into his kingdom and glory

and the way that this has really brought me back to center at times, In addition to reminding myself, hey, these kids are a gift from god. Is asking myself that in this moment as a parent, in the good moments, the bad moments, the moments that seem to be indifferent,

which hat should I wear as a dad? Is it the hat of the encourager? Is it the hat of the comforter? Or is it the hat of the one urging them on and kind of challenging them to step out what god's calling them to and

so in those moments where I'm like, man, I, you know what, I need to put the encouraging head on right now. I need to be my kid's biggest cheerleader.

I need to speak life to them. I need to speak words that are going to lift them up and not tear them down and I want to be the one that believes in them when no one else believes in them and I want to be the voice just totally saturates them with encouragement. Other times, I gotta put the hat on of the the comforter.

When they're really having a bad day.

Things are going bad with friends or school or whatever it is. They're sad. They're mad. Maybe they're grieving a loss of someone or something and I just realized, okay, I I think I had to put on the hat of the comforter right now and just come alongside them and try to be a reassuring voice as they walk through this

and then there's other moments where I put on the hat of the one urging them on like, come on. You've got great potential and you god's got things in your life that he's calling you to. You need to step it up, take some risks, walk by faith, and get after it and get going and work hard and all that stuff's kind urging them on and when I talk about shepherding our child's heart, I realize their heart's the priority.

How can I as a dad, as a mom, as a guardian, encourage them, comfort them, and urge them on? So here's just a couple ways that I wanna try to get practical but I gotta be totally transparent with this. Is this is way more of an art than a science. I mean, it it it really is.

If you are, if one of your strengths is a real concrete thinker and you're looking for the 17 specific things to do and put it on a spreadsheet check them off every single hour when it comes to parenting, I'm gonna let you down horribly.

I would suggest it's way more difficult and messy than that because these are little human beings or big human beings. Anybody attests that? It's like, yeah man, it's just a messy deal and it's way more art than science but here's here's something I'll throw it at you and that will unpack a little bit. It's when shepherding my child's heart, here's what I wanna remind myself. As a parent,

I recognize that god is always at work. This isn't just a parenting thing. This is a people thing but recognizing god's always at work all the time. Let me show you this. Philippians two thirteen says it in this way, for god is working in you,

giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. If you're a follower of Jesus, scripture says that the spirit of god lives in you and god is always at work wooing you toward what he's calling you to and our job is to try to recognize it.

I know that we mean well when we say, man, I'm going to go find god or I'm chasing after Jesus or all this stuff and I know what you mean. You want to kind of, you know, like read the scriptures and pray and worship all that kind of stuff but really god's saying, hey, I'm here all the time and I'm always at work in you

to get your trying to get your attention to do what I'm calling you to do and not only getting your attention but once I get your attention, I'm going to empower you to live it out. Philippians two thirteen and I want to try to take that and apply it to our parenting.

Whatever the situation, whatever the moment, let's step back and say, man, let's recognize that god's always at work. How can I help my child recognize this a little more that maybe god's doing something here? Again, art more than science and this gets to be really greater as our kids get older.

Our daughter Morgan, who I mentioned, she's our our marine biology major and she's so passionate about that stuff. Her her whole life, she has wanted to you know, swim with whales and dolphins and do marine research and she's an animal lover and and she just she's so passionate about this. Two January's ago,

she gets a hold of Shelly and I and she's like, hey, I I I want to do a I want to I want to do a an internship

at a marine research institute. We're like, oh, that's so cool. That would be so fun, man. Awesome. Wait, is it out is it out here in Monterey? Was it down in San Diego? What do you think? She's, oh, no. This is in Mozambique, Africa. We're like, what is you? Mozambique? What? You're 19.

You're what? No, don't do this to us. It's just, no, this is really cool. This is what they study. It's in the Indian Ocean, just North of South Africa and we're going be doing diving and research and I'm going go there for six weeks. Can I apply?

And in that moment, we're kind of like, I can speak for myself, not Shelley. I'm like, well, of course you can't. You're my child. I don't want you to to Africa by yourself. That's crazy but I I didn't and we were kind of like, you know, explore it because maybe god is at work in the thing

and so, she explores it. We figure it out and she's like, okay, let's do it and so we we the first big thing, well, she first applied, she got in, and then the next big thing was travel logistics and I am my family's travel agent.

Every single time because I fly so much, I'm always like, get us flights, get us this, get us that, you know, and I, you know, I get to work. I've never got a commission out of it but I should because I do it all the time

and I'm like, okay, international flights, we've got like six months. We're not gonna buy em right now. We're gonna wait, man. I'm gonna keep an eye on it. They go up, they go down, they go up, they go down and they're like, no, just buy it now. Just get it out of the way. Tickets are $1,400

into South to Johannesburg and then a few $100 more for a little bush plane up into Mozambique. I'm like, no, man. I'm telling you. Just wait this thing out. Couple months go by. Shelly's like, have you got the tickets? Are you keeping an eye it? I'm like, don't worry about it. Trust me. It's like the stock market.

Another month goes by, Morgan's like, dad, have you got my tickets? I I want to you make sure we get this. Alright, finally, I give in. I go online and it's like eight weeks before the trip and they're like $2,400 I'm like, oh Jesus. Start the Kickstarter fundraiser, right?

And then, you know, she's applying for a visa and the visas in Mozambique, they weren't allowing Americans to be in for more than thirty days and she had to be there six weeks. That was a big fiasco going to San Francisco trying to get it all worked out. Everything is, let's say it this way, nothing is working well. It's all a big problem and it's a hassle,

schedule, flight cost, visa issues, whole big thing and finally, Morgan FaceTime us one day and says, you know, I don't think I should go and she's all disappointed. You know, I don't think I should go. Nothing's working.

You know, I and I I I said to her in that moment, I said, you know, I kind of agree with you. This is nothing seem to be working out. It's just maybe another time and then I kinda had it maybe a good moment. I said, but hold on. Don't make a decision. You pray about it for a couple days and then make the final decision.

Because I'm thinking, maybe God, you know, God's at work, God, give God space to do something here. She prays about it. Less than twenty four hours later, she FaceTimes us back and says, hey, I'm going. I think I'm supposed to do this thing. I mean, with this resolve. Look, alright. Awesome. Thank you, god.

Sending my baby to Africa all by herself. Oh, it's all, you know what I mean? And and so, it does. She goes, she gets there. Mean, it was a still a big hassle. She gets there. She's two weeks in and she FaceTimes us. She gets some WiFi coverage and and she's like, on the phone crying. She's like, my phone.

It was just today and today was family. You know, mean, like, literally, like, totally worked up. We're like, are you okay? Like, yeah. I'm okay with today. Why? She's like, and then she sends us this photo. And here's the photo she sent, and it came from her her GoPro. It was her lifelong dream,

as young as she is, to swim with whales. And she's like, it's the humpback whale. Goes by right by us.

And it was when Shelly starts crying, know, oh, no. Like, oh my gosh. The whales. The whales. And and the reality is and this is a success story. I realized they not, they're not all success stories all the time

but we just had enough wherewithal to go. You know what? God's always at work. Let's give him space to move and here's the big thing with this, is that she now looks at challenges with an entirely different mindset because I think what was accomplished in that was she became much more independent

and here for Christ follower is what independence means in the life of a child in my opinion.

She became independent in this that her dependence on us was transferred to her dependence on god and she trusted him with this process

because he's always at work and now, she said, she's just a few months ago, she's like, I'm going do an internship again this summer and I'm to go to this really world renowned research institute. It's in Oahu

and I know I'm not going to get in dad because thousands of people apply and they only let seven in every year. I'm not going to do it. I'm like, but I put on the Encourager hat. Yeah, but you got this, man. You can do this. I mean, look what you did in Mozambique and just go after it. Who knows? We'll see. Maybe god will, you know, is in on this thing. She applies a couple weeks later. She's like,

I got in. I'm in. This is awesome. I'm gonna be in Oahu for six weeks this summer and what they specialize in is diving with sharks without a cage.

Thank you, God.

But when it comes to shepherding our child's heart, making it the priority over their happiness, just recognize god's at work. Give him room. More art than science. And here's another thing I learned the hard way that I hope is helpful, that requires a little bit of explanation. As a parent, I respond more than I react.

Just think about it from what you would assume I'm gonna talk about. Well, here's how I describe it. When I react as a parent, what I do is I try to rescue my kids from their unhappiness or their moment and I try to solve the problem and resolve the tension for them. That's my knee jerk reaction.

I think dads might have a little more of a struggle in this than moms though maybe maybe you're different but it's like, oh, that's your problem? Oh, that's bad. Let me jump in. I got this. Got it all taken care of for you. I react

and this becomes more important as they get older to do less of that and we're not talking about kids running out in the street chasing the ball kind of thing, right? But when it comes to responding, what I try to do is a parent, you know, with the encourager,

the comforter, and the one urging them on, trying to shepherd their heart. I try to respond by coming alongside them, helping them process the situation, see the big picture, and try to find the wisest decision. And I encourage them, it's your decision.

It's your decision. Let me try to coach you, counsel you on trying to process this and coming to the best decision. You kind of respond more than react. Yesterday,

I had a super fun time. Some friends invited me a couple weeks ago knowing I was going to be out here to go out for a plane ride from Falcon Field and they're going to put up this picture right here. It's the plane that I got to ride and I took these pictures yesterday in the morning and the gentleman on the bottom, his name is Tony and he's a pilot for American Airlines.

That's his plane, not that he flies American but that's his plane and it's it was made 1943 literally used to be to train fighter pilots in World War two and it's a very

rare plane. It's all wood and it's just really unique and we went out for flight in this and my my seat was right there where that picture is, that's the back seat and you could fly the airplane from both the front and the back seat and what Tony does with that plane is he he loves on veterans

and he what he does, he takes them out for a day flying, giving them the time of their life, loves on em and thanks em for serving our country and he does it in the name of Jesus. Super cool stuff, isn't it? Mean, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Really cool stuff. Now,

I'm not a veteran but he just want to take me up in the flight so I got to enjoy the benefit of what he does and so we're up flying and he used to also be a stunt pilot like aerobatics stuff in the air and and I'm kind of sitting in the plane and I'm like, yeah, you you can talk with the headphone things on and and you know, can this thing do somersaults?

Not that I was wanting to but he says, oh yeah, I've done all that stuff. He said, but we can't legally because we're supposed to we're supposed to have parachute time. When you start doing that kind of stuff and I'm like, thank you Jesus. We didn't wear parachutes. All good. He said, but let me do a couple, you know,

basic elementary maneuvers for you and he says, I wanna take you in like a two g turn.

Now, that's not a whole lot but I'm telling you, two gs is a lot more than what you're experiencing right now. So he goes, alright, here's what let's go. So he kinda takes the plane up like, and then he just dives to the right like, and I'm back and I'm like, and

then he goes to the level. He straightens straightens it down. I'm like, oh man, it's better than Disneyland. Mean, was awesome. It was awesome. And the whole time he's flying, there's this big joystick that you can't see in the picture

in front of me while he's steering, it's moving around by you know what I mean? From the front. And when he went into the dive, intuitively, I wanted to grab the joystick. I'm like, I got this Tony.

I got this American Airlines pilot for forty years. I got this Tony. Stunt pilot. I'm gonna stable this. I can don't worry about it, Tony. I got it. I'm gonna make it all easy for us. I mean, intuitively, wanna grab the joystick and steady her out. And I've done that too many times as a dad. When my kids

earn a moment in life, a two g moment, where life takes a radical turn

and I just freak out as a dad and I react and I wanna solve the problem and resolve the tension and grab the joystick and stabilize it for him but how many of you are followers of Jesus and god's taking you on some two gs turns in life and you wrote it out and on the other side, some pretty cool stuff came about. Now, raise your hand if that's happened to you.

Why do I do that with my kids? Like, why do I react that way? I think the reason we do that is because we had to sit in the front seat with the joystick in our hand when they were little. But as they get older, it's time to hop in the back and let go. And let them put their dependence on god.

Let's respond more than react. You know, some ways of reacting are are like this. Oh, well, you you don't worry about that, honey. I'm going go right down to your school on Monday morning. Imma talk to your teacher myself. My god, I'm going take care of this.

Because it's the teacher who's always wrong, right? Yes. And all the educators say, amen. Or Jimmy, don't, Jimmy, don't don't you worry this year, Jimmy. I got this. I'm talking to the coach tomorrow night at practice and you will be starting on this four year old soccer team.

They are not keeping my little prodigy off the field. This is my retirement package right here. I got this for you Jimmy. I'm your parents. I'm gonna rescue you from real life or give me, what's your professor's email address?

Your professor's harassing you because you're a Christian? Give me their email. I'm gonna send them the YouTube link to God's not dead. I'm gonna show them he's alive.

You don't worry about that because you know what? This is the last time you'll have relational tension in your life because when you grow up in the real world, there is no relational tension. We

want to train our kids how to grow up on the inside so that when they get out there, they can be responsible adults having navigated these things at a young age so they're relatively trained and used to it. Another thing is that when our kids are going through pain, I say it this way, help our kids sample the bad and

savor the good and what I mean is when bad things happen, This is a suggestion. Even if you disagree, just please hear me for a moment. When bad things happen, they lose a loss of a friendship, tragedy of loss of someone that we love,

you know, minor things of failing an exam, different things that kids that we all get sad about, we have a very bad day or more. Let our kids sample the pain by coming alongside them, putting on the hat of the comforter and just being that presence, calm,

loving on them, and sitting with them in the pain. Don't try to rescue them from it. And here's why I suggest this. Because when they grow up, they're gonna realize that real life, reality, is full of ups and downs, disappointments, losses, and pain. And if they never learned how to process it before they were an adult,

they kinda tried to deny it when they become an adult and it festers and it hangs on. But if we can sit with them in that pain and acknowledge it just long enough, not forever, man, that sucks. I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's gotta hurt. I'm gonna be praying for, let's pray and just sit with them in that long enough

so they can process it and get healthy.

This is what big kids, big adults do, right? And then when they win, celebrate the win. Savor the good. Like, be the put on the encourager hat. Be the big cheerleader and let them know, I noticed that something good has happened in your life. Teach them to celebrate. I'm of the opinion. Life's hard enough. Let's celebrate the moments

and let's learn to do that. Let's cultivate the ability to celebrate the wins in life. Life just tastes better when we do that. So, what we're doing is we're making a priority of their heart over their happiness by recognizing god's always at work. Give em space to move and

then we're trying to we're trying to respond more than react. We're not gonna take the control of the joystick and try to stabilize everything and rescue our kids from everything and here's the final thing. I'm gonna pray for us in like two minutes.

Is this whole series you've heard this week one with Bill and Carrie and ways in week two through Bill is that the key to healthy parenting is a healthy parent I can read 10 parenting books on discipline, on this, on that, on whatever.

Like the best parenting book I ever read is called Boundaries with Kids. If you're interested, check it out. I could read Boundaries with Kids, but if I'm not healthy as an individual, I cannot execute on that wisdom for any sustained period of time because I'm just a mess.

And I would suggest the greatest thing that you and I can do for our kids is to care for our own soul and become emotionally healthy. Learn how to do relationships well. Create healthy boundaries in our own lives. And if you're married, strive to have a healthy marriage because our kids are learning by watching.

Let me read a scripture to you. Say a couple points or thoughts and then we're going to pray. Here's what it says in again, the apostle Paul, Philippians four nineteen. Again, speaking kind of like a spiritual father. He says, whatever you've learned or received or heard from me and then he says the big one or

seen in me, put it into practice. He was so confident that his walk with Christ was a good role model. He goes on and says, if you do that, the the god of peace will be with you. You know, our kids are influenced by a whole lot of things. I'm of the opinion that we as parents are the primary influence in our kid's life.

The reality is none of our, we have three kids, different personalities, different strengths, weaknesses, different passions, interests, all that kind of stuff and there's no one way to parent every child

but the reality is that for Shelly and I, none of our kids are gonna be exactly like us, but every single one of our kids are gonna be much like us. So the scary question I ask myself every now and then that I don't ask too often because it scares me, is do I want my kid to be just like me? I, yeah,

no, yeah, yeah, no, right? Not today. Yesterday, yesterday. You know what I mean? Like, let's be healthy. Let's pursue relationship with Jesus. Let's be in church learning how to be healthy on the inside. Let's keep growing. That's the best thing we can do for our kids. Give them the gift of a healthy soul in a parent.

Can I pray for us? Let's pray. Father god, thank you so much for just our time to to look into your word and thank you god that you haven't abandoned us to this journey of parenting. Lord, we may be look to you as the only perfect parent. So, lord, for every everyone of us here who

know we failed as parents, we've messed things up here and there. God, would you just not allow us to walk out of here ashamed but to forgive ourselves realizing we are imperfect, we can be messed up, and we need you to help us in this parenting quest that we're on.

God, help us to to to make our kids' hearts the priority, lord, to recognize when you're at work. Help us to shepherd their heart, to pastor our own kids, god. To respond more than react and and give you space to be their god in their life and not me trying to be god in their life

and god help us to be healthy so we can model as you said in your word, follow me as I follow Christ and god, we thank you for this. Thank you for the moms today. Please bless em and just refresh them in heart and soul. In Jesus name, amen.