Peace/Anxiety | Part 2

Hey, know, we're in this anxiety series and I know that anxiety, talking about peace and that, that could actually bring anxiety. So I wanna just open up today to just let's let's start with a little breather.

And one the things I like to do when I'm stressed out is laugh. And like almost just laugh at the very things that you're dealing with. So what I've done is I have a few of some of my favorite memes that have to do with like anxiety and just life in general and how it can be hard. So I thought let's just take a moment to relax before we dive in. So here you go. I got a couple of these. Love this one, anxiety. This is too much. What is all of this? I'm literally not even doing anything. Anxiety, too much.

Then we got this next one here. This is always a fun one. It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my festive Christmas anxiety.

You guys ready for that? Yay. This isn't about anxiety but I think where it comes from in life, going to bed early, not leaving my house, not going to a party. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

Anybody agree with that? That's a good one. My favorite, Smonday. Some of you are starting to hit already. The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in. How many of you anybody having Smonday yet already? See, I don't work on Mondays, so I I get Faturday. It's when Friday starts being Friday and it starts becoming Saturday and I gotta work. So, yeah. So there you go. And then this this is just generally why I think we all deal with anxiety a little bit in life is courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyways. Stupidity is the same thing. And that's why life is hard.

Is it courage or am I being stupid? Well, you'll find out, won't you? And then finally, this last one. This is me. What could possibly go wrong? Anxiety, I'm glad you asked. How many that that last one, that's that's you. That that's like I said last week, I go, you know what? The the insidious thing with anxiety

is we we opened up talking about this idea of peace isn't a place, it's a person. If you weren't here, you gotta you gotta go listen to that because everything builds off that. And and we said what that means is peace is not the absence of problems, it's the presence of Jesus.

And we think it's a place that I can get to. I can just get past all my problems. Well, that's what you think it is, you're never gonna get there. Well, what I shared is anxiety can be so insidious that even if you do have an absence of problems at the moment,

you can still have anxiety. And I shared how for me that happens a lot. Sometimes my worst anxiety is when there's nothing going wrong. Because you know what I'm thinking? There's always problems. So now I'm all freaked out about what's going to happen next.

When is this going to fall apart? When is this like I can get more anxious when things are going well? That's the problem with anxiety. And last week I was so anxious about starting this series because I thought I don't want to say the wrong thing. I know that so many people deal with anxiety and stress and depression.

And I didn't want people to hear what I'm not saying, such as I'll say it again. Some of us in this room, what we're going to apply here helps us manage

getting through what anxiety is like and doing it the way the Lord wants us to live. But some of us, you have some of you have an actual medical condition that drives it. And and you might have heard churches or you just the implied idea was if you love Jesus or love God enough, you don't need that.

You don't need the counseling. You know, you don't need that medication. And that's not necessarily, that's not true. So I just wanted you to know that that that's okay. So what I stressed about that. Well, then last week went really well. I got a ton of feedback. I literally had people talk to me from age eight to 80.

And and and and I think the eight year old I related to better than anyone else. But So I thought it went well. So now what's there to worry about? And anxiety said, yeah, funny you should ask.

So I sat there this week trying to study to get together for this talk. And I started freaking out. The the voices. I didn't follow it. I did what we're supposed to do with anxiety. But the voice in my head wanna say, well, that went so well. It's only downhill from here.

It's like you're you you will, Bill. You know what my fear was is, this is gonna be like that TV show that the part one, the pilot, number one rated show in the country. Everyone's talking about it. And by week two, you're like, what happened to the show last week? And by week four, it's canceled.

And and and that's kind of the voices that were going through my head. Had to deal with that. And then to be honest, what was driving that? I always try to go back to the source of what would I even make me go down that thought process? And the source of that is what I want to talk about today.

I can get that way and start to feel I'm not going to be good. I'm not going to do this. Is when I start leaning into the wrong place to find my identity. It's when I start misunderstanding

what my identity is. Who am I? Where am I really? What what am I called to be? Who is God says I am? And all this stuff. And I believe a lot of us that struggle with anxiety, what we're gonna talk about today could be the source of a lot of it. It could be an identity issue. Because because if I struggle with my identity,

even if I follow God, and I go after the things he wants me to go after, I could have a whole bunch of anxiety and depression through the whole process. As we'll see today. Because here's what we're gonna talk about for the next few minutes. The big idea is this. Is is

I I won't I won't ever have peace where I am until I have peace with who I am.

I I will never have peace where I'm at in life. I'm never gonna have that peace that surpasses all understanding if I'm always wrestling with who I really am. Who is my identity? And we live in a world that finding our identity is so convoluted,

so weird. Even in the church people argue about it. And we try to find it in so many things. As I was born into it, as this and that, it's my success,

it's it's something that's expected of me, it's my gender, it's my sexual identity, it's all these. We throw so many things that we say is our identity and if we lean into the wrong identity and the wrong thing, even if we go after the right plans, we're gonna have a lot of anxiety as we walk through life.

And we're gonna look at a story of a character in the bible that kinda unpackage this for us. Before we get there, I want to explain this a little bit more. Last week I had my own little, I shared with you my loop of what I shared is this this anxiety depression loop of how we get in these loops. Today I want to talk about how what I call the identity anxiety cycle of how we get into this. And so so there's this this process, the steps of how we struggle with identity. Like I said, we we get identities from the weird places. And there's two primary ways that we kind of get the wrong identity formation from. And the first one is, I struggle with who I'm supposed to be.

That's kind of the expected. A lot of young I talked to. When I was youth pastor, this came up all the time. It's like when you're young, you live in a home, you kind of struggle with who you want to be and who you're supposed to be. But then you feel like your parents have an expectation.

This is who you're supposed to be. And you wrestle with that. You're like, is that who I am? And then you know, and say, can I be that? What's going on? But then you add on to this other layer that a lot of us really come from where identity comes from, is the next one is I struggle with who I'm afraid I am. That's like the inherited identity. It's the stuff that you're born like. And sometimes they happen the same thing. Mom and dad expects me to be something that you know they're actually not themselves.

You ever noticed that? And you're like, we're all trying to be something. But you know what? In our family, we inherited these traits like everyone's an alcoholic. There's always divorce. There's history of abuse. And you're struggling with this fact that you think that this is who I am. And it might not even be a bad thing. There might be something like, well, was born this way. It's kinda like that idea that I'm just born this way, this is who I am, and I have to be true to that.

And and that And some of you is like, well isn't that how it's supposed to be? And here's the thing. We often wrestle with both of these. Both of these. Think about it this way. You struggle with who you're afraid you are. Stuff you inherited. Issues that you are, you grow up. Then you get married.

I guarantee your spouse doesn't want you to be who you're afraid you are. They have an expectation of what you're supposed to be. Right? Well, you're wrestling with this and you know, and you're struggling with this, you you you have this other stage here that you end up doing making decisions.

I start making decisions out of fear instead of faith. So when I struggle with this identity,

I and I and I don't know. I'm not I I I have what I'm afraid I am, but then I have what I think I'm supposed to be, and that doesn't work. You end up with all kinds of anxieties. You're trying to make decisions, And then all of sudden you're you you you you like I said, you go to get married. You're gonna start making decisions out of fear. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna try to act certain ways that make you look like what you're supposed to be. And then you're gonna try to hide the things and keep them out of sight, the things that you're afraid you are.

We call that dating.

Then you get married. You realize a lot of the fights you have and the struggles you're having in marriage aren't really about what the fight's about. A lot of it is about your identity issues colliding.

Your own identity running into them and this false identity, and then there's the expected identity. And this is what makes it so complicated when you talk about identity. Pop contrary to popular belief, men and women are created equal in God's eyes. We we are equal and and value and all that, but we are not the same.

And you know what? People wanna say that, but then you walk out your door and you live life and you know it. We know men and women are wired differently. And especially when it comes to way our brains work.

They're they're they're pretty much got kind of a standard how guys tend to think, how their brain works versus how women brain works. So think about it. You take these identity wrestle. You're wrestling with who you're afraid you are versus who you think you're supposed to be, the expected versus the inherited. And you're wrestling with all that, and now you're married. And and here's the thing, the guy's brain works like a a big giant tool chest with all the drawers.

It means our brain's very compartmentalized.

We can put stuff in the drawer. Hey, I'm in the work drawer. This is great. Close the drawer. I'm in the at home drawer. You know, open that. I'm in I'm in the giant sex chest over here. You know, you have all this stuff. And and and guys, we have a nothing drawer. There's one empty drawer in the middle of this thing that is like nothing. We we we get into that drawer when we're on long road trips. You know, we just kinda drive and then your wife says, do think about? Nothing? Women don't have a nothing drawer. So when you say nothing, they assume you're lying.

See? Told you we're wired different. And and so here's the problem. We can be very comarmanized. We can close doors and we even have this junk drawer.

That's where we keep all the things we're afraid we are that we And we know our wife doesn't want us to be that, so we hide it in that drawer. And then your wife goes, what's in that drawer? Don't open that drawer. The drawer stays locked. Nobody goes into that drawer. Well here's the problem.

Women are wired with a brain that works more like a walk in closet. Everything is organized. Everything has its place. But you see everything all the time. And here's the thing, it could be super organized and neat and clean. But if there's one mess in the corner, there's that pile of laundry.

It doesn't matter how organized, how good everything else is.

What's the only thing you see every time you walk in? You see that. What's the only thing you feel disappointed about? You're not celebrating how organized and good everything else is. You're stuck on that one thing. That's all you see. That's all you see. And then if you see one of the drawers of your husband, you see something popping out you don't like, guess is what's all you see.

And and so you try to have these discussions. And you try to talk. And you're you can see everything, but you're worried about one thing. And then you get in. So as you worry about one thing, you start throwing in all this conversation. And the guy's brain is like, okay, which drawer are we in? So you start opening all these drawers, and then what happens is you get too many drawers open on a big cabinet like that, what happens? It collapses. The CPU locks up. A guy's brain literally stops working.

You thought, wow, he's finally listening to me. And then after about five minutes, you look in his eye goes, he's not listening to me. He's not even here.

And then you get mad at that. They're like, why are you not even listen? I've been quiet, haven't I? And they know they know that you being quiet is not the same as listening. You do and and if or if it shuts down, just jump into the nothing drawer. And there you are. Does that make sense?

I just proved that we're different. Imagine those kind of processing things with both people handling the struggle with our their identity bouncing back from inherited versus expected. Inherited versus So here's the thing. You become a Christian. I'm supposed to be like Jesus. And you know what I did?

I just made that an expected identity. I have to go make that happen even though I know that this is who I really am. And your walk with God becomes this identity crisis battle of me thinking, this is who I am, but I'm supposed to act like that. So even if I act like that, I still have all this anxiety. All these things.

Guys, we try to hide it all in that one drawer, the junk drawer. Ladies, you try to make everything else clean and neat, but you know you got that pile in the corner. And it causes anxiety, tension, fights, issues because we start making decisions out of fear instead of faith.

We start trying to even go about in other words, we can be we can follow God, but we don't actually trust God. You can follow God and not be trusting God. Never thought those two were separated, did you? And a lot of us come to church week after week, and you are great at following God.

But because of your identity anxiety, you're not trusting God. You start making decisions. Even if it's a decision to try to do what God wants you to do, out of your identity, out of what you perceive as your strengths, out of your plan, out of your way to make it happen. And even if it works, you still carry the anxiety.

And here's the dad. Here's the end of the cycle. If you do that long enough, you actually start identifying with your anxieties. You start becoming your anxieties. And that's when you have people start to saying, I'm an alcoholic. I think that's a wrong way to say it.

Is that really who you are or is that something you struggle with? I'm someone who's gotten into the grips of alcoholism. But if I start identifying as that, that's what I am, I can never get past it.

If I'm I identify as this I'm the warrior. I'm the this. I'm the that. You name it. Matter of fact, what what if you were to if that was your name, if your name was to be your anxiety,

would that really be how you identify? When you think about yourself, do you start thinking about yourself through the lens of all your anxieties? If you've gone there, then that you're at that stage four. And it all comes back to how we see who we are. Who am I?

So now I wanna look at this story of a guy that had this he had a struggle

that, you know what? He realized he couldn't have peace where he was because he didn't have peace with who he was. And so his name is Jacob. We're gonna be in Genesis chapter 32. But I gotta give you a little setup because 32 is where his whole life comes to crisis.

Jacob is a guy that actually followed God. Pretty faithfully. He had visions where God talked to him. He trusted, you know, he followed God, but he often didn't trust God. He made decisions to go after the things that God said he should go after, but he always did it through the lens of his identity.

And in in chapter 32, he's gonna land him where his past is catching up to him, and it's getting in the way of his future, and he has a very anxiety filled night we're gonna see here. But it starts off with his name. First of all, I gotta go give you a little bit rundown so we can set the stage of how he got First, in Hebrew culture, your name is a part of your identity. They would name you something that really meant something about you. Well,

God had talked to his parents before he was born and said, hey, he's gonna be the younger of a twin, so he'll be the second born. And in that culture, first first born gets the birthright and the blessing. He goes, but the younger one's gonna have it.

The younger one's gonna be the one that God's gonna bless and grow this whole nation of Israel through. Not the older brother. Well, when he's born, it says he came out second, but he was actually grasping, grabbing his his brother's heel. So they named him Jacob. Jacob, I'm sorry if that's your name.

That's a cool name, but we don't means deceiver, cheater, grabber. It means someone that just goes after what they want, just grabs it, and manipulates, and does whatever they need to get it. And so, that's what they name him. And he lives up to that name.

So even though he goes after the things he wants, which God said he's supposed to have, he does it in a cheating, manipulative way. So he ends up cheating and manipulating his brother out of his birthright and his blessing. So the last we see him, the last he sees his brother, Esau, his brother wants to kill him. So he has to run away. He burned the bridge. He got what he wanted. He got what God said he would have. But he did it in a way that now he's burning bridges behind him. So now there's anxiety. I can't go near my brother. He runs away. He then goes off to live with his uncle and he finds a wife. He marries a, you know, but he gets cheated by a cheater. His uncle's pretty good at the manipulating.

When it all comes around and said, he kinda cheats him back and manipulates back. So he gets great wealth. He gets this. But now he's burned the bridges with his uncle. He takes off and now has to run from his uncle, who's now mad at him.

But he has a vision where God says, you need to go home. You need to go to the land I promise because I have this mission for you. I wanna do it. And you know what? He didn't fight it. He said, okay. So

he heads back. And that's where we catch him in thirty. He's heading back to where God told him to go. But he knows he's caught between a rock and a hard place. He burned the bridges behind him. His uncle's mad at him. And he has to go past his brother to get where God's called him to go, and his brother wants him dead. Like, at least the last he talked to him,

he wanted him dead. So now he's in this anxiety that even though he's following God, he's struggling with where God's called him to go, and he's trying to figure out how to make it work the way he's wired.

That might be you and I. You might be hearing God call us to do something. It might be, hey, I need you to serve me. I want you to give. I want you to share. I want you to love your family. And in your own mentality, you go, how am I gonna make that work with who I am and what I have? Anxiety.

And in that context, we go into chapter 32 and share the story. So it says, as Jacob started on his way again, angels of God came to meet him. When Jacob saw them, he exclaimed this is God's camp. So he named the place Mahanaim.

And and so but think about this. He starts going where God wants. Angelic messenger shows up. So he knows he's doing the right thing. He's excited. And

then he does this next. Then Jacob sent messengers ahead to his brother Esau, was living in the region of Seir in the land of Edom. He told them, give this message to master Esau. Humble greetings from your servant Jacob. Until now, I've been living with uncle Laban Laban.

And now look, he says, and now I own cattle, donkeys, flocks of sheep, goats, many servants, both men and women. I've sent these messengers to inform the Lord of my coming, hoping that you will be friendly to me. Do you see what he said in this message? He was very deferential, falsely,

and then arrogantly bragging about how rich and powerful he is in order to impress. He is literally thinking, have to manipulate my brother into not wanting to kill me. Well, then look what happens after delivering the message, verse six, the messengers returned to Jacob and reported,

we met your brother Esau. He's already on his way to meet you with an army of 400 men.

Well, that's not good. It says Jacob was terrified at the news. Anxiety sets in. He's going where God wants him to go, but now his past is catching up. He's got this anxiety.

And you know, what did we say last week? You can't avoid feeling anxiety, but what we have to do is not follow it. Right? So what we talked about out of out of Philippians

four last week was what it said to do in order to have a peace that surpasses all understanding. Which means if it surpasses all understanding means you don't get away from the problem, but you can see Jesus through it. You can get through it. And there was three things you need to do. What was it? Ask God for help.

Remember I said, talk to God first, not after all your own plans don't work.

Acknowledge his goodness and adjust what you choose to focus on. Don't focus on the anxiety. Don't stare at the problem. Stare at the Lord and his promise and trust. So that's what we should do. Well, he already went into this land and said, God will go where you want to go. I'm excited you're with me, but I gotta figure out how to manipulate my brother into not killing me.

You ever do that? Oh, we never do that. So let's just humor Jacob. Okay? None of us ever, you know, say we're gonna follow God and then continue to try to figure out how to do it our own way.

And so he starts well then he founds his it's starting to be his fear. The voice hey, he's already on his way. He's got 400 men with him. And and he's he's he's freaking out. He's terrified. And so what does he do? Does he pray first? No.

He does this. He was terrified. He divided his household along with the flocks and herds and camels into two groups. He thought if Esau meets one group and attacks it, perhaps the other group can escape. So he makes a decision.

And if you know anything about tactics, anything about the terrain, and anything about what's going on here, that is a stupid decision. Even if you do think you're going to have to fight it out, they should have stuck together. He made a decision out of fear. That was a dumb decision.

He didn't make a decision through faith. And I think he kinda realizes when he does that, he's probably like, god, god, this isn't this isn't gonna work. I don't know. So then what he decides to do? Finally, he goes, maybe I should pray about it. He's already made two decisions.

Now he stops in prayers. And this is what's crazy. You know he's a man who who loves God.

His prayer is actually really awesome. It's a great prayer. It's just missing one thing. And you'll see. Look what it says. Then Jacob prayed, verse nine. Oh God of my grandfather Abraham and God of my father Isaac. Oh Lord, you told me, return to your land and your relatives. You promised me I will treat you kindly. He's like, you said it would work out for me. You said I won't die.

And and he and then he says, I'm not worthy of all the unfailing love and faithfulness you have shown me. He starts acknowledging God's goodness. He says, yours to your servant.

When I left home and crossed the Jordan River, owned nothing except a walking stick. Now my house household fills two large camps. Should be one large camp, but he was the dumb one that split it. Oh, Lord, please rescue me from the hand of my brother. Now he asks God for help. I need you to rescue me. I am afraid he's coming to attack me along with my wives and children. But you promise me I'll surely treat

kindly. I will multiply your descendants until they become as numerous as the sands along the seashore too many to count. So his prayer acknowledged his goodness. He asked for help. He even leaned into the promise and said, you promised that my family is gonna produce all these errors. If we die right now, that can't happen. Right?

He's trying to remember God's he does he asked God. He acknowledged his goodness. But what do you leave out of the prayer? And what he does next? He doesn't adjust what he focuses on. He says, amen. And then he goes right back to being

He goes right back to, okay, I asked God for help, but now I gotta go figure this out myself. That's what he does. Because look what he does right after he he says this. It says, Jacob stayed where he was for the night.

Then he selected these gifts from his possessions to present to his brother Esau. 200 female goats, 20 male goats, 200 ewes, 20 rams, 300 female camels, they're young, 40 cows, 10 bulls, 20 female donkeys, and 10 male donkeys, and a partridge in a pear tree.

He divided these animals into herds and assigned each to a different servants. Then he told the servants, go ahead of me with the animals, but keep some distance between the herds. He gave these instructions to the men leading the first group. When my brother Esau meets you, he will ask, whose servants are you? Where are you going? Who owns these animals? You must reply, they belong to your servant Jacob, but they are a gift to his master Esau. Look, he's coming right behind us. Jacob gave the same instructions to the second and third herdsmen and all who followed behind the herds. You must say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. And be sure to say, look, your servant Jacob is right behind us.

See, he split in groups. It's kinda like you ever you ever I don't know what you were like. I know with my kids is is is when they were little, they would want something really expensive, but they had two choices. If I got them, expect that's the only thing they got. And then their brothers and sisters,

we would spend the same amount of money. So they'd get one thing to open, and then their their sister or brother would get like 11 things to open. And it doesn't matter even if that one thing was better, they wanted it so bad they were still bummed on on Christmas. You know why? It felt like their brother or sister

got more. He's kinda using that psychology. I'm gonna give him this massive bribe, but I'm gonna send it wrapped, individually wrapped, one at a time. He's just gonna keep getting plastered

with gifts from from his brother. And he even says what he was trying to do. Jacob thought, I will try to appease him by sending gifts ahead of me. When I see him in person, perhaps he'll be friendly to me. That's a nice way of saying, then maybe he won't kill me. So

the gifts were sent ahead while Jacob himself spent that night in the camp. You see, he he prays.

He asked for help. He acknowledged God's goodness. And then he goes right back into trying to get everything to happen through his identity, through who he thinks he is, through his way, his power. So even though he's going towards what God wants him to do, he's doing it through this identity, which is causing him all kinds of anxiety.

And that's when God shows up. Because look what happens.

It says, first during the night, Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servants wives, his 11 sons, and crossed the river with them. After taking them to their side, he sent over all of his possessions. He took everything he loved, including his stuff, and and put them on the so if if his brother shows up, at least there's a river between them. And he thinks maybe he'll kill me.

They can go. And at least the river will buy them time, so he won't go after them. But you know what that means? He spent the night by himself, which physically happens, but it also kind of spiritually and emotionally happens to us. Whenever we try to go after even good things, we try to follow God but not trust God.

We invariably always end up alone in our anxiety. Some of you are right in the middle of this right now. And you're sitting in this room, a crowded room, but you feel like you're all by yourself. Matter of fact, you feel like I've been following you around,

taking notes, and it creeps you out when I get eye contact with you because you think I know it was just for you. I don't follow you around. I have people that do that for me. That's what happens. And why he was alone, this is what happens. It says during, it says, this left Jacob all alone in the camp.

And here's where this story takes the weirdest turn ever. People that don't know the Bible go, I don't get this. It's it's it's worse than a Cohen Brothers movie. It gets so weird. It says,

he's all alone, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. Wait. What? This whole story is building, and then all of a sudden, as he's sitting there alone, I imagine him by this campfire just and all of sudden, some guy comes in one of those onesies.

Let's wrestle. And apparently, Jacob goes, alright. Let's do it.

And then they wrestle all night. You're like, I'm not gonna go through the whole story. So but the end, you realize he realizes as he's wrestling this guy, it's God.

It's Jesus. Just like last week, there was another in the fire. Anytime in the Old Testament when when when someone says, saw the face of God. I was in presence of God. Jesus is the God we can see. He did a theopian. He hadn't been born yet in his body, but he showed up in the in the form of a man.

And and and he literally wrestles. He shows chooses to show up as a wrestler. Why does he he wants to and you know what? You've probably heard this this this passage, and sometimes you might have heard it mistaught.

People wanna teach this as if Jacob's the hero and it was his tenacious nature that he wrestles with God and he won't let go until God gives him what he wants. That is not what this is saying at all. Because first of all, Jacob didn't go find God and wrestle with him. God's the one that says, hey,

we got some things to wrestle out. God's the one that wanted to wrestle something out of Jacob, not the other way around.

And so he shows up to wrestle in a very physical real way. And it's interesting in the Old Testament, all these stories that physically really happen are also metaphorical symbolic of what God will do in our life. And it's interesting that God showed up several times. Jesus showed up in the Old Testament in the form of a person. And it's funny how he shows up. Abraham, he shows up to him on the road. Abraham was a traveler.

And guess how God showed up? He showed up. Jesus showed up as a fellow traveler. A traveler shows up to talk to the traveler. A guy named Joshua who led God's people into the promised land as they were on the way to Jericho to do the first battle. Jesus wanted to deal with Joshua's

heart to make sure he was settled. He wanted to talk to him about, hey, you're worried and praying about, I hope God's on our side, God's on our side, but that's not how it works. God is a side. It's not am I with you, you just have to decide in your heart, are you with me? Period. And how does he do it? He shows up on the road as a mighty warrior. Matter of fact, so impressive it stops an entire army, one guy. And Josh is like, better go talk to him. So to the traveler, he shows up as a traveler.

To the warrior, he shows up as a warrior. Well, shows up to Jacob as a wrestler. What does that mean Jacob's doing? He's a wrestler in his heart. He's wrestling with his identity. He's wrestling with this. I'm gonna go for what God wants. But he's always stressed in doing it his way.

And every place he goes, he gets the thing he was wanted and was supposed to go after. But he's just throwing matches behind himself, burning bridges. And now, the burning bridge isn't behind him anymore. It's right in front of him.

He's got nowhere else to go. And so God shows up and says, we're gonna wrestle some things out of you. And so what happens in this wrestling match?

It says, when the man, Jesus, saw that he he he would not win the match. Now, that mean he could not win the match? No. That meant this guy's wrestled all night and he won't quit.

So he touched Jacob's hip and wrenched it out of its socket. That's your first clue that this guy's not just a normal guy.

All he had to do is like, alright. He's like Neo and, you know, and just fighting one hand. Now you're old if you laugh. I realize that's I thought that was a more contemporary illustration. That movie's over 20 years old. But he's John Wick. Okay. There. There's a famous

he's not Theodore Ted Logan. That's not who he is. That's too far back.

Only old people got that one. So he's sitting here wrestling with him. At any point he could have won. He finally goes, alright. He will not surrender. That's the point. I need you to surrender.

And like I said last week, if if you I don't care how much experience you are at church. But if you wanna know something about Christianity, I don't care how many times you come to church, how many good deeds you do, how much bible how many bible verses you know. You have to know and live this. You will never have victory as a Christian without surrender.

You never win without surrendering. And he wouldn't surrender. So he finally goes, alright, it's getting daylight. I gotta go. He just goes literally wrenches. Jacob limps the rest of his life, which is kind of funny because Jacob's go to thing is manipulate, get what he wants, and then run away. Well, now physically,

he can't run away. He let if his brother tries to kill him, he can't run from him. He literally can't get away now. And as he does that, as he wrenched it out, it says, the man then said, let go of me for the dawn is breaking. So his he must have been in great pain. But he still held on again to to to Jesus.

But Jacob said, I'll not let you go unless you bless me. You have to understand. He's not being this bold, arrogant, nope. You're not going anywhere till I get what I want. It's more of a broken, hurt man that now realizes,

I can't run from my problems. I can't manipulate my way out of this. I can't make it happen my own way. I am stuck. He's more of saying, please. It's not I won't let you go. It's more of a please, I can't let you go. Because I got nothing left.

We know that by what God then says to him next. So in that moment, he's ready. He's like, I can't. I know you've been with me. I know you've been there, but I can't let you walk out on this. I I I'm gonna die here. And so in that moment, God says, what's your name? Isn't that interesting? He says, what's your name?

In this culture, he knew that basically what he was asking him is, who do you think you are? Who are you? You realize that God will wrestle you. He will fight you. He'll throw your hip out. He'll give you a limp. And some of you are limping right now, and you think, why does God hate me?

And you either wanna run from God or you gotta go, I I better fight harder to please God because then he'll stop making me limp. Have you ever thought maybe he's wrestling with you and giving you a limp because he loves you?

And he's trying to give you he's trying to wrestle something out of you that you don't need. Let go of something. So then you can really be blessed. Because what he's trying to get you to admit is, who are you? Who do you think you are?

And guess what? The last time this is really cool. Go back and read this week the whole story of Jacob. Because when when when he tricks his brother, the way he gets the blessing, which is a big deal back then, he gets his older brother's blessing

by pretending to be Esau. His dad couldn't see, so he fools him. So the last time in scripture he was asked who he was, he answered Esau. He hid his identity, basically. He put it in the junk drawer, pretended to be something else so he can get what he wanted even if it was what God wanted for him.

So he says, well, who are you? And he answers Jacob.

I'm the grabber. I'm the deceiver. I'm the manipulator. I'm the one that's used what I thought was my best gift to get what I thought you wanted for me and what I wanted for myself the whole time. That's who I am. And God says to him in that moment, your name will no longer be Jacob. Because that's not who you are.

He goes from now on, you'll be called Israel because you have fought with God and with men and have won. That last phrase makes it sound like he's saying, fine. You can be Israel because I'm just sick of fighting with you. You wore me out. You win.

That's not what Israel means. He's saying, you've persevered because you finally surrendered and you realize your name's not Jacob. That's not who you're supposed to be. It's not this inherited thing. And a matter of fact, identity is not something that you inherited.

It's not something that was expected. You thought you had to go make yourself do my will. You're Israel. Israel means God contends. Means God will fight you. He'll continue. It also means God contains.

Meaning you contain God. Retains God. It means you are now at this moment where you have formed, you're ready, you're submitted. And now I am pouring my true blessing into you, my grace through you, and you could be who I've actually made you to be now.

The final meaning of it, continues all through scripture, what I think is the most accurate thing he's trying to say when he calls him Israel, is it means princely son, child of God.

Your name's not deceiver trying to be like me. Your name's not this guy that has to go through this identity, force yourself to be a follower of mine. And your name is not you're stuck for this. You are a child of God. That's your name. How about you? What's your name?

Is your name really this identity of who you think? Who do you think you are? Do you think you're this thing you inherited? Do you think you're just fighting super hard to be this thing that you're supposed to be?

Or are you Israel? Are you a child of God? You see, our identities aren't inherited. You can't just say I was born that way. Our identity is not something that's expected. It's something that's created and gifted. It says in in second Corinthians

that when we know Jesus, when you look to Jesus, when you follow Jesus, when you have him, it says that you are now a new creation. That you've become a child of God. Israel, you are now that prince or princess of the king. And here's the deal. A prince or a princess doesn't have to go earn the right to the throne.

They don't have to go earn it at all. It's been given to them. Not and as the as the son of God, as the daughter of God. You don't have to go try to force through who you think you are this expectation.

You just gotta look to Jesus and and and agree with him and find your identity. Not in all that other stuff. What are you trying to find your identity in? Your past, your brokenness, your anxieties,

your dysfunctions? Are you trying to find it in in in in what you've expected and build on? Hey, I've been successful. I follow God. I do all the right things. I know all the Bible. I do these things. I'm a good person. Are you trying to find it in your sexuality, in your gender, in your social standing, in where you live, in in your family structure?

Where are you trying to find your identity? Because all of that's wrong. Well, we should find our identity is in Jesus Christ. We are Israel. We are sons and daughters of the king if you know Jesus. And we know that we've been created to be something different. And you don't have to earn it. You don't have to inherit it. You just get to be it. You just you you you get to step forward and go as he's saying, hey, start living as if that's who you already are.

Live through that. And if you do that, you won't create all this anxiety. That's what he's saying. You don't have to live down to this name Jacob. You can live out. You don't even have to live up to this name Israel. You just get to live out it. Live it out. That's what he's saying to do. How about you? What's your name?

I understand this. I get this. Because I really feel like I relate with Jacob in my life. I really feel that way. Because my name is Bill. Bill Bush. You know what my dad's name was? Bill Bush. I got handed a name. And my dad, he never gave me pressure like I felt it expected, but I felt I needed to live up to that name.

And I realized that trying to live up to that name is the source of a lot of my anxiety. I'm not good enough. I won't make it. And here's what's weird how I figured this out.

I've I I host in my house these barbecues whenever we have our Celebrate Recovery Ministry. A group graduates from they finish the the step study, the 12 steps.

They come to my house because they're they have to get up and share their testimony in front of the whole group. So we thought, hey, rather than just get up in front of some strangers, why don't we make it easier on you by have sit in the pastor's living room and let them stare at you from five feet away?

No. It works really well, actually. And every time they're sharing their stories, it always starts off with, I came here because I needed to stop drinking. I needed to stop looking at porn. I needed to, you know, start stop something or start something. It always started with that hurt or that that habit.

But then their story always goes back to they discovered who they thought they were.

And how all this dysfunction and stuff felt made them feel trapped. But they found out they had a new identity in Jesus. So a lot of them would share. And here's the crazy part. I'd listen to these stories, especially the men.

The men that so many of them had so much brokenness in life because they grew up with no father or a terrible abusive father. And I go, I don't relate to that at all.

My dad was amazing. My mom was amazing. I had great parents. My dad was awesome. And but what got me weirded out was then they would start talking about how having this bad father experience

really built into them this idea that I can I don't think I can ever get away from this? So they started describing how their brain works and where the anxieties like, you're not good enough. You're not gonna make it. You can't ever do this. Who do you think you are? And I go, wow. That's exactly how I think. But

I came from this direction. And it's weird. I had a great dad. No dad or terrible dad. And we ended up in the same place with the same anxieties, the same proper the same weirdness. And it took me a while to figure this out. I realized, oh, they got there because they said, I can never get away from this.

I got there because I came from the point of, I can never be this. You see, my dad's been a hero of mine. If you've been in this church, you've heard me tell stories. He was a professional athlete. He was an awesome he wasn't just a good athlete. He had that knack that he always won.

He was the guy that you wanted up in the nineties. The one you wanted the last one in the game. You wanna and you know what? I grew up with it. I love that about him. But I realized I didn't think I was that because because you know what? You every every son, if you had a good father,

you still have that moment where your dad beat you at everything, and then that proud moment somewhere in your teens, you finally beat him back, and then you're like, yes. I'm a man. Never did that with my dad. Never beat him. He was old when I was born.

When I when he was 60, I was in high school. And and I was going out for the basketball. Says, I was out practicing in the park, trying to do layups. He showed up and he goes, you're you're not doing that right. Let me show you. And I go, do you know about basketball? And he goes, I was all state for four years in a row in high school. I go, how come I never knew that? He goes, you never asked. You just asked baseball stories, football stories, and stuff like that. I go, really? And he goes, here, we'll play one on one. Let's try. Just try to beat me.

He had one eye. He had retired a few years ago because he had quadruple bypass heart surgery. And I had never seen the man touch a basketball my whole life. The game ended 15 to seven. He won. A month before he died, I we went bowling one last time. He one eye could hardly walk.

The last game we bowled, I shot at two forty five. He shot a two seventy nine. Last game he ever bowled was almost a perfect game. Came waddling back into the house. Yep. Still can't beat the old man.

If I ever raised my voice to him, my dad got mad. You know what my mom would yell? Bill, which meant him. She'd call me Billy. Don't hurt him.

It's like 75 years old. We raise our voice. Bill, don't hurt him. Mom's supposed to believe in her son more than anything on the planet. And she's like, sorry son, I love you to death, but you he'll go through you like a warm knife through butter. That's just the way it is.

He was great at that. I never got to beat him. He literally is a certified war hero in multiple wars. And you're a man, and you watch movies and go, that's a great representation. I look up, that's heroic to me. That's that's what my dad was. And

I realized I got it. He never put an expectation on me. He never tried. But I always felt like I can't be that. I'm a sickly little asthmatic kid. I I don't know about it. Don't know. I'll never be as good at sports than him. I'm not gonna that. And I started to wrestle with this identity that says, I'm Bill Bush. I'm supposed to be this, but I don't know if I'm gonna get there. And it was certified. There was one moment that happened when I was a kid that that landed it to me. But my dad, I never gave him a chance to explain. I never told him. I know it was me, not him. But we were playing as in baseball game. He's helping coach the team. There was two outs, ninth inning. We're out on the field. There's a man on second and third. We're up by one run. We just need one more out. We win the game. I'm at shortstop. Routine ground ball comes to me. I pick it up. I throw a nice line drive straight at the first baseman. The problem was it was 10 feet over his head.

Both run score. I lost the game for us. And I remember I looked at my dad for some reason. I just happened to look through the crowd. He was off in the corner where he didn't think anyone was looking at him. And I saw his face do this. And he turned. And that was it for me.

He walked out and said all the right things. He always encouraged me. He didn't try to make me feel stupid. He rallied the team. He said these things happen. But I saw that face.

And I've lived my life with a dad I love who didn't do this to me. But I have this voice in my head. Says, you will never be that good. You will never be that brave.

So you better manipulate and grab and be good at what you can be good at and and force and fight and hide the rest. And that builds anxiety in my life. And that's what leads me towards unhealthy coping mechanism where I just want a moment to forget about the voices. But then the voices come back stronger

after I do something out of fear instead of faith. How about you? What name are you afraid you'd never get past or you'll never live up to? Because Jesus wants us just to know him.

He's changed our name. We're supposed to live it out. Not live up to it. Not be stuck in something that's bad, but live out the name he's given you. You see, I'm not supposed to be Bill Bush.

I'm supposed to be a child of God. That's something that God handed me. He died for it for me. He created it in me. How about you? What would happen in your life right now is even if you're chasing after God, you actually started trusting God? What would happen if right now you just decided to say, I am who he says I am?

Well, what happened to your life right now? We're about to sing that song. We're gonna close with this song. I hope you just stay. Don't leave. Just stay here and shout out. What if you choose to make these words of this song the cry of your heart, the prayer of your heart that says, I am who you say I am. I am a child of God. Could you say that with me? Just say it with me. I am who you say I am. I am who you say I am. One more time. I am who you say I am. And who he says you are, if you look to Jesus, is you are his son, you are his daughter,

you are a child of God. And how would that change your heart right now? Change your life right now if you just held on to that? You held on to God with that said, I won't let go of that. I will never let go of that, God. I am who you say I am. Amen.

Midst of

we're God speak into your heart that you're not forsaken? You were an orphan, you were a slave, but Jesus has purchased your freedom and God has adopted you as a child of his. You have a new name and a new identity when you put your faith in Jesus. You become a child of God, and we can declare this with joy.

I am chosen not forsaken. I am who you say I am. Come on. Let's lift it up. I am chosen not forsaken. I am who you say I am. You are for me not

you.

Thank you.

I thank you, Lord, that we are who you say we are, that our identity is found in Christ. We are no longer slaves. We are no longer orphans. We are the sons and daughters of God. Thank you. Thank you, Lord. I just pray that in this moment, Lord, that God, you would encourage

and lift the spirits in the hearts of your children with this truth. And as we go into our week, God, we would hold tightly to it, that we would be to

We would

Lord, that that today, they would receive that, God, and they would step into the family of God, that they may know the peace and the joy that comes from being a child of God. Lord, we love you. We thank you, and we praise you because you are good and awesome and worthy.

And it's in Jesus' name we pray all these things and all God's people say. Amen.