Fixer Upper | Week 3 | Message · Rewind

Fixer Upper | Week 3 | Message · Rewind

Pastor Bill Bush · Mar 10, 2025

Big Idea

Parenting isn't about perfecting a playbook of tips and hacks — it's about developing the player, coaching your actual kid toward becoming a disciple of Jesus.

Good parenting isn't found in the perfect hack, book, or playbook — it flows from a relationship of love that points kids to Jesus. Parents are called to be groundskeepers who lay a biblical foundation, referees who discipline for significance rather than mere success, and coaches who know their particular child and look for teachable moments, all so their children become disciples, not just well-behaved or successful kids.

Key points

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1The goal of parenting is to make disciples, not to perfect a playbook.
Pastor Bill uses a sports illustration — his son's frustration with NFL teams forcing talented players into a rigid system instead of building around their strengths — to argue parents should focus on the player (the actual child and the goal) rather than chasing every new parenting hack or trend. He roots this in Ephesians 6:4, noting fathers are told not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up with discipline and instruction from the Lord, making the point that leadership here means responsibility, not authority.
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2Parents play the role of groundskeeper — laying the foundation and boundaries of life.
Drawing on the sports analogy, Pastor Bill describes the groundskeeper as the one who marks out the boundaries of life from Scripture, and notes that boundaries actually give freedom rather than restrict it. Carrie adds that this means living out your faith in front of your kids — praying, studying, confessing, and even apologizing to your children — because kids learn more from what they see than what they're told.
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3Rules without relationship leads to rebellion; relationship without rules leads to chaos — and the two can look identical in a teenager.
Pastor Bill warns that boundaries given without relationship become a noose that provokes rebellion, while an unstructured, 'be your kid's friend' approach produces chaos, and both can look the same from the outside. He stresses that discipleship requires walking with your kids the way a rabbi walked with disciples, not just teaching a class.
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4Discipline should aim at significance, not just success.
Carrie shares how she used to parent reactively, chasing obedience and results, and Pastor Bill admits he disciplined out of being inconvenienced and disrespected rather than out of love. They apply this to grades, sports, and jobs, describing how his mother never asked about grades but asked what he learned, and how he failed to teach his son to steward money from his first job, leaving him only with an 'earn, spend' cycle instead of stewardship before God.
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5Discipline is about direction and the future; punishment is about the past.
Referencing Hebrews 12, Pastor Bill explains that God disciplines to redirect us while still loving us, and that even earthly parents who do their best are commended in Scripture. He contrasts punishment, which makes a child feel bad, with discipline, which shows them a direction is bad, and warns against empty threats like 'you're going to military school' that teach kids a parent's word can't be trusted.
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6Coaching means knowing each individual child and looking for teachable moments.
Pastor Bill tells the story of texting his adult kids for encouraging parenting memories, and his oldest daughter's still-sore memory of being made to come home from trying to see One Direction — revealing a missed teachable moment where he reacted out of inconvenience rather than driving to get her himself. Carrie contrasts how she had to parent her three children completely differently — easy conversation with her oldest, reverse psychology with her contrarian son's clothes, and mirroring her dramatic daughter's exaggerated self-talk back to her until the ridiculousness became clear.
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7You can't disciple your kids toward Jesus if you aren't living as a disciple yourself.
Pastor Bill closes by tying the whole message together: parents can't just tell their kids to do something they aren't modeling and living out themselves. He shares how their own stressed, loud conversation preparing this very message was overheard by their youngest daughter, who texted back a paraphrase of last week's 'tough conversations' outline — showing she'd absorbed what they modeled, not just what they said.

Application

Pastor Bill's charge is to coach the player, not the playbook — knowing your actual kid and pointing them to Jesus by loving them like Jesus.

Make discipleship the actual goal
Stop measuring parenting wins by grades, sports, or a job and start asking whether you are pointing your kids to Jesus in everything you do with them.
Live your faith out loud in front of your kids
Let your children see you pray, study Scripture, confess when you're wrong, apologize, and extend forgiveness — modeling the gospel rather than just stating rules.
Check your discipline for insecurity or inconvenience
Before you correct your kids, ask whether you're reacting out of your own frustration or hurt pride rather than genuinely redirecting them toward a better direction.
Discipline toward significance, not just success
When it comes to grades, sports, or money, teach the deeper purpose behind the activity instead of just chasing results or obedience.
Learn your specific kid and look for teachable moments
Recognize that each child needs a different approach, and don't let a busy or stressful moment cause you to miss a chance to walk through something with them relationally.

Take it into your week

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7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

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Day 1

Pastor Bill opened with a truth that can feel both freeing and a little unsettling: there is no perfect parenting playbook. If you have ever closed a parenting book feeling more anxious than equipped, you know exactly what he means. The relief in that statement is real — because the goal was never about executing a flawless strategy. It was always about a person. Ephesians 6:4 is compact and direct: don't provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That phrase — 'of the Lord' — is doing all the weight-bearing work. The aim isn't a well-managed household or an impressive résumé of accomplishments. The aim is a child who knows Jesus. That reframe matters, because what you aim at shapes every decision you make along the way. When the goal is discipleship rather than performance, you can breathe a little differently. You can parent from love rather than fear. You can measure success by the question 'Is my child's heart moving toward Jesus?' rather than 'Did everything go smoothly today?' That's not a lower bar — if anything, it's a higher and more honest one. But it's also the one that actually matches the grace you've already received.

For reflection

In your honest moments, what does your parenting feel most aimed at right now — and how does that compare to the goal of discipleship?

Pray

Pray for a clear, settled sense of what God is actually asking of you as a parent — and for the courage to release goals that don't come from Him.

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Think about a coach or mentor who really knew you as a person — not just your performance. This message explores what it looks like to bring that same kind of intentional, grace-filled attention to the work of parenting.

Discussion questions

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Ephesians 6:4 calls parents not to exasperate their children but to bring them up in the 'discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.' What do you think it looks like, practically, to make that the north star of parenting rather than raising a successful or well-behaved kid?
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Pastor Bill described the groundskeeper role as living out faith authentically — letting kids see confession, repentance, and grace in everyday life. What do you think makes that kind of visible, honest faith so different from simply telling kids what to believe?
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Pastor Bill drew a contrast between discipline and punishment — saying discipline is future-focused and redirects a child toward the right direction, while punishment is past-focused and aimed at making them feel bad. How does Hebrews 12 shape the way we might understand that distinction?
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The message made the observation that rules without relationship leads to rebellion, and relationship without rules leads to chaos. Where do you think families — or communities in general — tend to drift, and what might it look like to hold both together well?
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Pastor Bill said that as a coach, you coach the player, not the playbook — meaning every child needs to be known as an individual. What kinds of things might help a parent actually learn how a particular child is wired, rather than assuming one approach fits everyone?
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One of the closing ideas in this message is that you can't point your kids toward Jesus if you're not walking with Him yourself. How might that reality shape the way we think about our own discipleship — not just as individuals, but as a community that supports parents?

Pray together

Grace for the gap between the parents we want to be and where we actually are — and trust that God's work in our kids is bigger than our imperfection

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Topics

Authentic Christian Living Biblical Foundation in the Home Discipline vs. Punishment Knowing Your Child Parenting as Discipleship

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