Love Is | Week 2 | Full Service · Rewind

Love Is | Week 2 | Full Service · Rewind

Pastor Daniel Goulding · Nov 28, 2022

Big Idea

Kindness allows us to stand firm in our convictions while being gentle with people, and it's this supernatural kindness — not correctness — that opens hearts and restores dignity to those far from God.

God's kindness toward us was never approval of our sin, but the very thing meant to turn our hearts toward Him. When we extend that same undeserved, covenant kindness to people the world has written off, we become part of how God restores their sense of worth and draws them back to Himself.

Key points

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1Kindness is a third way, distinct from meanness and from niceness.
Pastor Daniel describes two ends of a spectrum: aggression, which has firm conviction but hard edges, and niceness, which avoids conflict but has no backbone. Using Barry Corey's book Kindness and the East Coast/West Coast tire-change illustration, he argues kindness is the middle path — treating people with charity and civility without dropping conviction.
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2David's first act as king was to seek out someone to show covenant kindness to, for Jonathan's sake.
Pastor Daniel walks through the historical background of Saul, Jonathan, and David's covenant to care for each other's descendants. Ten years into his reign, at a moment of peace, David's first move is to ask if anyone from Saul's line is still alive so he can show them hesed — God's covenantal kindness — rather than kill them off as other kings would.
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3David understood a bigger mission was at play, which is why kindness could define him despite his own failures.
Even though David's sins were arguably worse than Saul's, David is remembered as a man after God's own heart because he grasped that being king was about representing God to the world, not building a bigger kingdom for himself.
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4Mephibosheth was introduced as someone with nothing to offer — crippled, named 'shame bearer,' living in 'no man's land' — yet David sought him out.
Pastor Daniel unpacks the details of 2 Samuel 9: Ziba's report that Mephibosheth is crippled in both feet, the meaning of his name, and the meaning of Lo Debar. He connects this to the cultural belief that disability signaled God's curse, and shows how David's kindness ran completely against what Mephibosheth, and everyone watching, expected.
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5Kindness restores dignity because it reminds people of the image of God still in them.
Pastor Daniel teaches that every person, no matter how broken or different from us, carries the Imago Dei, and that simple, sustained kindness slowly restores what sin and circumstance have stripped away — reminding people who they were always meant to be.
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6Kindness eventually produced loyalty in Mephibosheth that David could see was real.
When Absalom's coup forces David to flee, Ziba lies and claims Mephibosheth is hoping David dies. Later David discovers Mephibosheth had actually been fasting and praying for him the whole time, proof that David's kindness had produced genuine transformation and loyalty.
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7Kindness builds the relational equity that earns the right to have hard conversations.
Pastor Daniel returns to his own story with Lorenzo, showing how showing up patiently and consistently over a year and a half built enough trust that he could eventually challenge Lorenzo's habits and share the gospel with him, leading him to give his life to Jesus.

Application

Pastor Daniel's charge is to fight for the third option — kindness — that lets us hold our convictions while being gentle with people.

Ask who you can show kindness to
Like David asking if anyone was left in Saul's line, bring to mind a specific person in your life you have no natural reason to be kind to and let God soften your heart toward them.
Reconsider how you talk about what you believe
Don't change your convictions or water down scripture, but think about the tone and posture you bring when you talk about what you believe with people who disagree.
Build relational equity before the hard conversation
Show up for people consistently and patiently, the way Pastor Daniel did with Lorenzo, so that trust earns you the right to eventually speak truth into their life.
Remember the kindness God showed you
Let the memory of how patient and kind God was with you in your own mess be the thing that fuels your kindness toward others this season.

Take it into your week

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7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

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Day 1

Pastor Daniel opened with a simple but disorienting question: what does it actually look like to love people the way God loves them? First Corinthians 13 is probably the most quoted passage on love in the Western world, yet we tend to hear it at weddings and let it stay there. Paul wrote it to a church that was fractured, argumentative, and gifted — and still missing the point. Love, he says, is patient and kind. Not one or the other. Both together, at the same time, in the same person, toward the same difficult human being. What strikes you when you read that list slowly? Love does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. There is no tension in Paul's mind between holding to what is true and treating people with genuine warmth. The two belong together. In fact, kindness without conviction is just conflict avoidance, and conviction without kindness is just pride with a Bible verse attached. This week we are going to sit with what Pastor Daniel called the third option — neither meanness nor niceness, but something braver and more beautiful than either. It starts here, with the God who is the source of this kind of love, and the people He has placed in your life who need to experience it through you.

For reflection

When you read through the description of love in 1 Corinthians 13, which quality feels most natural to you — and which one do you quietly skip over?

Pray

Pray for an honest, unhurried look at how love as Paul describes it actually shows up — or goes missing — in your closest relationships right now.

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Think of someone in your life who showed up for you in a way you didn't expect — and didn't feel like you'd earned. That kind of moment is right at the heart of what this message is about.

Discussion questions

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In 1 Corinthians 13:4–7, Paul describes love as both patient and kind. Based on what the message unpacked, what's the difference between that kind of love and what the world typically means when it uses the word 'kindness'?
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Pastor Daniel described kindness as a 'third option' — not meanness and not niceness, but something with a firm center and soft edges. What does that posture actually look like when someone is holding a conviction the other person doesn't share?
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In 2 Samuel 9, David goes looking for anyone left from Saul's household — not because it's required, not because Mephibosheth has earned it, but because of a covenant. What does that story reveal about what hesed actually costs the person showing it?
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Romans 2:4 says it is God's kindness that leads people to repentance — not His tolerance of sin, and not His condemnation of it. Why do you think Paul puts it that way, and what does that suggest about how kindness functions in someone's spiritual journey?
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Pastor Daniel challenged the group to think about how, when, and where difficult conversations happen — and to build relational equity before leading with confrontation. What might change in the way a community or a friendship approaches hard conversations if that sequence became the norm?
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Mephibosheth was hiding in a place called Lo-debar — described in the message as 'no man's land' — and David sent for him anyway. How does that image of a king pursuing a broken, shame-bearing person connect to the gospel Pastor Daniel pointed toward at the end of the message?

Pray together

Ask God to bring one specific person to mind, and for the courage and wisdom to pursue them with the same irrational, dignity-restoring kindness He has shown us

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Topics

Biblical Kindness Conviction with Grace Covenant Love Dignity in Christ Repentance and Kindness

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