Key points
- 1
1Conflict's real cause is conflicting desires warring within us, not simply the other person.
- 2
2Our God-given desires to have, to feel, and to be become destructive when we try to fulfill them apart from God.
- 3
3Praying with wrong motives — essentially giving God a to-do list to satisfy our selfish desires — will go unanswered.
“You have to deal with the problem within before you try to deal with the problem with them”
- 4
4Refusing to obey what God's Word clearly says sets us up as enemies of God, even as He continues to give grace generously.
Illustration
Roy 'Wrong Way' Regals runs the wrong direction in the 1929 Rose Bowl — used to picture how people run toward pride in conflict
- 5
5The path through conflict requires four humble steps: give in to God, get wise to Satan, draw closer to God, and seek and grant forgiveness.
Illustration
A tractor pull where every stuck tractor must detach its load before it can move — used to picture the weight of unforgiveness
- 6
6You can be right or you can be in right relationship — pride often will not let you have both at once.
“you've politicized your Christianity. And”
“There are so many times that you can be right or you can be in right relationship. And you can't be both at the same time so many times”
- 7
7Unforgiveness is the undetached load that keeps even a souped-up, well-intentioned life stuck in the mud.
“A lot of you are trying to pull through and souping up your You're saying, alright, I'm gonna apply God's word. We're gonna be better, but we're gonna do all this. And you're getting the souped up tractor in your life, but you won't unattach the load of unforgiveness”
“their story only happened because of humility and because of Christ, that they went from dancing to a thirty six years marriage that was a dance of love because it was a dance of humility”
A story from life
Pastor Bill's parents' marriage: from violent fighting and near-divorce, through a commitment to civility, to faith in Christ and a transformed 36-year partnership
“Civility, the ability to Starts with humility”
Application
Pastor Bill calls everyone — regardless of where their relationships stand right now — to stop running the wrong way and start with one honest act of humility. That means getting real before God first: spending time in His Word, praying with right motives rather than handing God a to-do list, and letting the Holy Spirit expose the desires within you that are driving conflict. Then it means going first — saying sorry before you feel like it, owning your part even when the other person's list is longer, and unattaching the load of old bitterness so you can actually move forward. If your marriage, your parenting, or any close relationship feels stuck, the question isn't how to fix them — it's whether you're willing to humble yourself before God and let Him work. There is hope no matter where you are, but it starts there.
