Love Is | Week 4 | Full Service · Rewind

Love Is | Week 4 | Full Service · Rewind

Pastor Bill Bush · Dec 11, 2022

Big Idea

Trust is the bridge between what we expect from a relationship and what we actually experience in it, and choosing to trust is what closes the gap.

Every relationship develops gaps between what we expect and what we experience, and those gaps threaten our sense of security. Pastor Bill shows from 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 that love chooses to look for the best in others rather than assume the worst, and that trust — a deliberate choice, not a feeling — is what bridges the gap and lets a relationship endure victoriously instead of just survive.

Key points

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1Every relationship forms gaps between expectation and experience, and those gaps threaten security and trust.
Pastor Bill uses the British 'Mind the gap' versus the American 'Watch your step' signage to picture how a gap always exists in relationships and must be tended to rather than ignored. When someone acts differently than we expect, a gap opens, and if we don't mind it, we lose security and then trust.
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2What complicates trust is not only what we see in the other person but who we are — our background and wiring.
He explains that past experiences like abandonment can make someone react far more severely to a small gap than the moment warrants, and that upbringing shapes what we assume is 'normal,' creating gaps that are really just style differences. He illustrates this with stories of fixing his truck mirror with duct tape and a dinner mix-up with his wife, both rooted in differing family backgrounds rather than actual betrayal.
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3Love looks for the best rather than searching for the worst, choosing relationship over being right.
Working through 1 Corinthians 13:6, Pastor Bill explains that love 'does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out' means love chooses to look for the best instead of hunting for what's wrong. He stresses the goal in conflict is not to prove you're right but to build a bridge to the other side together.
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4Enduring in love means more than gritting your teeth — the Greek word means triumphantly making it through.
He contrasts the flat, negative way English speakers use 'endure' (as in enduring a bad flight or a bad marriage) with the Greek sense behind 1 Corinthians 13:7, which pictures coming through victoriously. He notes research shows people with the same relational problems can come through radically differently depending on how they choose to see each other.
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5Trusting love means giving the benefit of the doubt, looking for the most generous outcome, and choosing trust over suspicion.
Pastor Bill unpacks three practical marks of this kind of love, warning that going in suspicious creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where you provoke the very behavior you feared. He shares a personal, emotional story about 'wrestling the bear' with his son, admitting the Holy Spirit convicted him that he often assumes the worst and picks fights to be right instead of trusting first.
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6When trust breaks down, Jesus gives a clear order for confronting the gap rather than avoiding or escalating it.
Turning to Matthew 18:15-17, he walks through Jesus' steps: go privately first, then bring one or two witnesses to help bridge the gap (not to build an army), and only as a last resort involve the church. He warns against skipping straight to 'the big guns' or gossiping under the guise of prayer requests, since that approach guarantees the other person will fight back rather than reconcile.
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7Secular research on decades-long marriages confirms this biblical pattern: love that overestimates the best in a spouse builds an upward spiral of security and intimacy.
He cites a study comparing happy and struggling long-married couples with the same underlying issues, finding the happy couples consistently rated their spouse more generously than reality while unhappy couples consistently rated theirs worse. That generous 'illusion' created conviction, which fostered security, then intimacy, then love — proving, in his words, that the problem is never the problem, it's how you handle the problem.

Application

Pastor Bill's charge is to mind the gap by choosing trust on purpose, before the moment tests you.

Decide beforehand to believe the best
Don't wait until you're hurt or 'hungry' to decide how you'll see the other person — settle in advance that you will look for the best in them.
Give the benefit of the doubt
When a gap opens, resist jumping to suspicion or the 'you always, you never' accusations; give the person room instead of assuming betrayal.
Confront privately and quickly, in Jesus' order
Following Matthew 18, go to the person alone first, keep the issue as small as possible, and only bring in others or the church as a last resort — never gossip under the cover of prayer requests.
Communicate honestly before you break a promise
If you know you might not follow through, get ahead of it and tell the person right away instead of explaining after the fact, so small events don't become patterns that erode security.
Own the gaps you create
When confronted, own your part honestly rather than deflecting, and when others own their part, listen and accept it instead of shutting them down or insisting on being right.

Take it into your week

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7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

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Day 1

Every relationship carries a gap somewhere — a place where what we hoped for and what we actually experienced don't quite line up. Those gaps are not signs that something is uniquely broken in your story. They are part of every human relationship, including the ones that look the most solid from the outside. Pastor Bill opened here because the problem is universal, and so is the answer love offers. First Corinthians 13:5-6 tells us that love 'does not demand its own way' and 'does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.' That small phrase — rejoices in the truth — is worth sitting with. The love Paul describes is not naive or passive. It actually cares deeply about what is real and what is right. But it does not scan the room looking for evidence of failure. It is oriented toward truth that restores, not truth that wins an argument. The invitation here is simply to be honest about where the gaps are in your own relationships — not to assign blame, but to name them. You cannot build a bridge you have not yet located. And the good news Paul is working toward is that love, chosen deliberately, is what spans the distance. That journey starts today with a clear-eyed look at where you actually are.

For reflection

Where do you notice a gap right now between what you expected from a relationship and what you are experiencing — and what story have you been telling yourself about why it exists?

Pray

Pray for honest eyes to see the gaps in your relationships clearly, without immediately assigning blame.

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Think about a bridge — it only works if someone decides to build it before the other side is reachable. This message is about what it looks like when love makes that decision first.

Discussion questions

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In 1 Corinthians 13:6–7, Paul describes love as something that 'rejoices whenever the truth wins out' and 'never gives up, never loses faith.' What do you think Paul means by framing love this way — as something that actively looks for the best rather than watching for failure?
2
Pastor Bill pointed out that the word translated 'endures' in verse 7 carries the idea of triumphant, victorious perseverance — not just gritting your teeth and getting through it. How does that distinction change the way we might picture what healthy, resilient relationships actually look like?
3
In Matthew 18:15–17, Jesus lays out a process for addressing a breach — go privately first, then with one or two others, then more broadly, always keeping it as small as possible. What do you think the goal of keeping it small reveals about what Jesus values most in the restoration process?
4
Pastor Bill described a pattern where going into a hard conversation with a suspicious mind can make the gap bigger than it actually was. What do you think makes it so easy for people to build a case in their heads before they ever sit down with someone?
5
Pastor Bill challenged everyone — whether they are the one who broke trust or the one struggling to extend it — to choose trust before the feeling catches up, and to frame a hard conversation around 'this hurt my heart' rather than 'you always' or 'you never.' What do you think that kind of framing protects in the relationship that a verdict-style conversation might destroy?
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The message described research showing that couples who consistently chose to see each other generously experienced an upward spiral of security and intimacy — and Pastor Bill connected that directly to what Paul is describing in 1 Corinthians 13. How might that upward spiral idea shape the way we think about small, daily choices to give people the benefit of the doubt, not just in marriage but in any close relationship?

Pray together

Courage to choose trust before the feeling arrives, and grace to pursue restoration over being proved right

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Topics

Choosing Love Over Suspicion Extending Grace to Others Reconciliation and Restoration Trust in Relationships

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