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Fixer Upper | Week 3 | Message · Rewind

Rock Point Church

Pastor Bill Bush · Mar 10, 2025 · 53 min watch · 2 min read

Fixer Upper | Week 3 | Message

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In this message

Big Idea
Key points
Application

Scripture in this message

Ephesians 6:4
Hebrews 12

Big Idea Key points Application

Big Idea

Quoting the message: Parenting is about developing the player, not perfecting the playbook, end quote. — the ultimate goal is discipling your children to be like Jesus.

There is no perfect parenting playbook, but there is a clear goal: making disciples. Drawing from Ephesians 6:4, Pastor Bill and Carrie walk through three roles every parent must embrace — groundskeeper, referee, and coach. The groundskeeper lays the biblical foundation and lives out faith authentically before their kids. The referee disciplines for significance rather than mere success, redirecting children toward Jesus rather than punishing them into compliance. The coach knows each child individually and seizes teachable moments, always pointing them toward a life rooted in God's love and grace.

Key points

1
1The ultimate goal of parenting is to make disciples — to raise children to be like Jesus — not simply to achieve worldly success.
2
2Parents must be groundskeepers who lay a biblical foundation, live out their faith authentically, and let their children see the gospel — confession, repentance, and grace — in everyday life.
3
3Rules without relationship leads to rebellion; relationship without rules leads to chaos. Both structure and genuine connection are essential.
4
4Discipline is about the future — redirecting children toward the right direction — while punishment is merely about the past and making them feel bad.
5
5Parents must discipline for significance, not just success — teaching children the deeper 'why' behind learning, sports, money, and behavior, rather than chasing results.
6
6Effective coaching requires knowing each child individually and looking for teachable moments, because you coach the player, not the playbook.
7
7You cannot disciple your children toward Jesus if you are not yourself walking as a disciple — kids learn far more from what they see than what they are told.

Application

Pastor Bill frames the takeaway around a single, freeing shift: stop chasing the perfect parenting playbook and start focusing on the player — your child's heart and their relationship with Jesus. Practically, that means getting into God's Word yourself, letting your kids see you pray, confess, repent, and receive grace. It means laying boundaries that come from Scripture, not anxiety, and disciplining with a calm, future-focused redirect rather than an anger-driven punishment. It means knowing each of your children as individuals and treating every hard moment as a coaching opportunity. And above all, it means remembering that you cannot point your kids to Jesus if you are not walking with Him yourself. Parenting is discipleship — messy, imperfect, full of grace — and that is enough.

Take it into your week

Made by Rewind AI from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Scripture in this message

From the transcript
“it says in verse four of chapter six, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord”
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From the transcript
“biblical discipline, Hebrews 12 talks about it when he compares God's how he disciplines us. It's really to redirect us. And it talks about he's still there. He still loves you”

Made by Rewind AI from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

7-day devotional

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Pastor Bill opened with a truth that can feel both freeing and a little unsettling: there is no perfect parenting playbook. If you have ever closed a parenting book feeling more anxious than equipped, you know exactly what he means. The relief in that statement is real — because the goal was never about executing a flawless strategy. It was always about a person. Ephesians 6:4 is compact and direct: don't provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That phrase — 'of the Lord' — is doing all the weight-bearing work. The aim isn't a well-managed household or an impressive résumé of accomplishments. The aim is a child who knows Jesus. That reframe matters, because what you aim at shapes every decision you make along the way. When the goal is discipleship rather than performance, you can breathe a little differently. You can parent from love rather than fear. You can measure success by the question 'Is my child's heart moving toward Jesus?' rather than 'Did everything go smoothly today?' That's not a lower bar — if anything, it's a higher and more honest one. But it's also the one that actually matches the grace you've already received.

For reflection

In your honest moments, what does your parenting feel most aimed at right now — and how does that compare to the goal of discipleship?

Pray

Pray for a clear, settled sense of what God is actually asking of you as a parent — and for the courage to release goals that don't come from Him.

Related passage

The groundskeeper role Pastor Bill described is less about building a perfect spiritual environment and more about being present in the ordinary moments. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 captures that same heartbeat — these words are to be on your heart first, and then you talk about them when you sit, walk, lie down, and rise up. Faith gets passed along in the in-between moments, not just in the formal ones. That means the groundskeeper's most important tool isn't a curriculum or a devotional schedule, though those can be good. It's a life being lived in front of your kids. When they see you open your Bible in the morning before the house gets loud, when they overhear you praying through something that's worrying you, when they watch you admit you were wrong and ask for forgiveness — they are receiving something no lesson can fully deliver. They are seeing the gospel in motion. This is encouraging, because it means you don't have to be a theologian to lay a biblical foundation. You just have to be honest about your own walk with God and willing to let your kids see it — the confidence and the struggle, the answered prayers and the ones still waiting. That kind of authenticity tends to stay with children far longer than any rule posted on the refrigerator.

For reflection

What does your child see of your actual faith life — the quiet habits, the hard moments, the grace you receive — and what might you want them to see more of?

Pray

Pray for the courage to live your faith openly in front of your kids, especially in the unscripted moments.

Related passage

One of the sharper observations Pastor Bill made was this: rules without relationship leads to rebellion, and relationship without rules leads to chaos. Neither extreme serves a child well, and Proverbs 22:6 holds both sides together in a single image — train a child in the way he should go. Training implies direction and structure. But training also implies a trainer, a real person who knows the person being trained. You cannot train in the abstract. The word 'train' in that proverb carries the sense of something personal and fitted — it isn't one-size instruction broadcast from a distance. It's someone who has sat with the child, understood their particular bends and tendencies, and shaped their guidance accordingly. That's the balance Pastor Bill was pointing toward. Boundaries matter — they come from Scripture, not anxiety, and they give children a safe structure to grow inside. But those same boundaries need to be held within a relationship where the child actually knows they are loved, known, and wanted. The goal isn't compliance. The goal is a child who understands why right things are right, who has internalized something rather than just performed it. That kind of formation takes both — the structure and the relationship — running together over years.

For reflection

Where does your parenting tend to lean — more toward structure or more toward relationship — and what might it look like to hold both more intentionally?

Pray

Pray for wisdom to know when your child needs a clearer boundary and when they need a closer connection — and the discernment to tell the difference.

The distinction Pastor Bill drew between discipline and punishment is one of the most practically useful things a parent can carry into a hard moment. Punishment is oriented toward the past — it's about consequence for what happened. Discipline, as Hebrews 12 frames it, is oriented toward the future — it's about shaping the person your child is becoming. Verses 10 and 11 make this plain: God disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in His holiness. That word 'good' is forward-facing. Even when discipline is painful in the moment, its aim is not to make a child feel bad — it's to redirect them toward something better. This changes the tone of correction entirely. When a parent disciplines from a future-focused place, the message to the child is: I love you too much to let this pattern continue. That is a very different message from: you have embarrassed me and you will feel the consequences. Kids can feel the difference, even if they can't articulate it. And over time, discipline that is calm, clear, and connected to a direction — rather than driven by anger or humiliation — is the kind that actually shapes the heart. It's also worth noting that Hebrews 12 reminds us we're not alone in this: we have a Father who models exactly this kind of love.

For reflection

Think about a recent moment of correction with your child. Was it more backward-looking or forward-looking — and how might a future-focused redirect have sounded?

Pray

Pray for patience and presence of mind in moments of correction, and for the ability to communicate love even when the moment is hard.

Related passage

Pastor Bill's challenge to discipline for significance rather than success cuts right to the heart of what we are actually teaching our kids when we push them toward achievement. Colossians 3:23-24 reframes the entire category of effort and work — whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. The 'why' behind effort matters. When a child learns to work hard because they want to honor God with the abilities He has given them, that motivation goes places that external reward and parental pressure simply can't follow. It goes into the classroom when no one is watching, onto the field when the coach isn't impressed, into the workplace years from now when the recognition doesn't come. Significance — rooted in knowing that their life and work have meaning before God — is a far more durable foundation than success. This doesn't mean results don't matter or that excellence is unimportant. It means the 'why' has to be bigger than the trophy or the grade. As a parent, the question worth asking isn't just 'Did you win?' or 'What was your score?' but 'Did you give it your best — and do you know that matters to God regardless of the outcome?' That's a conversation that changes things over time.

For reflection

What messages — spoken or unspoken — do you think your child is receiving from you about why effort and achievement matter?

Pray

Pray for the right words to help your child understand that their value isn't tied to performance, and for those conversations to happen naturally.

Related passage

Pastor Bill's coaching metaphor carries a specific and important idea: you coach the player, not the playbook. Luke 2:52 offers a brief but telling window into Jesus' own development — He grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. That fourfold growth is personal and particular. Jesus grew as a specific person, in a specific family, in a specific community. And every child you are raising is also a specific person — with particular fears, particular gifts, particular ways of hearing love and particular ways of shutting down. Good coaching starts with paying attention to that particularity. It means noticing what makes one child come alive and what shuts another one down. It means recognizing that the conversation that opened everything up for your older child might land completely differently with your younger one. And it means treating the hard moments — the defiant afternoon, the frustrated meltdown, the unexpected question in the car — as coaching opportunities rather than interruptions to the plan. Teachable moments rarely announce themselves. They show up sideways, in the middle of something else. The parent who is paying attention to the individual child in front of them is far more likely to recognize those moments and be ready for them.

For reflection

What is one thing about each of your children — their personality, their fears, their way of receiving love — that should shape how you parent them specifically?

Pray

Pray for eyes to see each of your children clearly as individuals, and for wisdom to meet them where they actually are rather than where you expect them to be.

Coming back to where the week began feels right, because the whole sermon circled this single verse from every angle. The groundskeeper, the referee, the coach — all three roles flow from one source: a parent who is themselves walking with Jesus. Pastor Bill was direct about this: you cannot disciple your children toward Someone you are not following yourself. That isn't a guilt trip — it's just true, and it's actually an invitation. Because the call to be present with your kids in their faith journey is also a call to deepen your own. Getting into God's Word, letting your kids see you pray, confessing when you've been wrong, receiving grace with humility — these aren't performances for your children's benefit. They're the real thing, and your children will know the difference. The freedom at the center of this whole week's reflection is this: messy, imperfect, grace-filled parenting is enough. You don't need the perfect playbook. You need a living relationship with Jesus and a willingness to let your kids see it up close. That's discipleship. That's what Ephesians 6:4 is pointing toward. And the same God who is patient and persistent with you as His child is the One walking alongside you as a parent.

For reflection

As you look back over this week, what one shift — in how you see your role, your goal, or your daily habits — do you most want to carry forward?

Pray

Pray for a renewed sense of your own walk with Jesus as the foundation of everything you hope to pass on to your children.

Made by Rewind AI from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Think about a coach or mentor who really knew you as a person — not just your performance. This message explores what it looks like to bring that same kind of intentional, grace-filled attention to the work of parenting.

Discussion questions

1
Ephesians 6:4 calls parents not to exasperate their children but to bring them up in the 'discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.' What do you think it looks like, practically, to make that the north star of parenting rather than raising a successful or well-behaved kid?
2
Pastor Bill described the groundskeeper role as living out faith authentically — letting kids see confession, repentance, and grace in everyday life. What do you think makes that kind of visible, honest faith so different from simply telling kids what to believe?
3
Pastor Bill drew a contrast between discipline and punishment — saying discipline is future-focused and redirects a child toward the right direction, while punishment is past-focused and aimed at making them feel bad. How does Hebrews 12 shape the way we might understand that distinction?
4
The message made the observation that rules without relationship leads to rebellion, and relationship without rules leads to chaos. Where do you think families — or communities in general — tend to drift, and what might it look like to hold both together well?
5
Pastor Bill said that as a coach, you coach the player, not the playbook — meaning every child needs to be known as an individual. What kinds of things might help a parent actually learn how a particular child is wired, rather than assuming one approach fits everyone?
6
One of the closing ideas in this message is that you can't point your kids toward Jesus if you're not walking with Him yourself. How might that reality shape the way we think about our own discipleship — not just as individuals, but as a community that supports parents?

Pray together

Grace for the gap between the parents we want to be and where we actually are — and trust that God's work in our kids is bigger than our imperfection

Made by Rewind AI from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Fixer Upper

Week 3 · 3 messages

Where these passages are preached

Ephesians 6 Hebrews 12

Explore related topics

Authentic Christian Living Biblical Foundation in the Home Discipline vs. Punishment Knowing Your Child Parenting as Discipleship

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