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COUNTER CULTURE | Week 3 | Sermon · Rewind

Rock Point Church

43 min

Pastor Daniel Goulding · Sep 22, 2024 · 4 min read · 43 min listen

The big idea

You and I can't un-one what God has made one — divorce doesn't undo what marriage's oneness actually accomplished.

In this message

The big idea
Point 1 of 7The Pharisees came to trap Jesus, not to learn
Point 2 of 7Divorce is a practical issue before it's anything else

Point 3 of 7Marriage is God's idea, aimed at oneness, from the beginning
Point 4 of 7You can separate the accounts, but you can't un-one what's been made one
Point 5 of 7The Pharisees misused Moses' concession in Deuteronomy as a command
Point 6 of 7Jesus names the two biblical grounds for divorce and calls the rest sin
Point 7 of 7God hates divorce because of how deeply it wounds people
Take it into your week
Transcript

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Scripture in this message

Matthew 19
Matthew 19:1
Matthew 19:4
Genesis 1
Genesis 2
Ephesians 4

Rewind AI drafted the Big Idea and some point headings shown here from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Pastor Daniel Goulding · Sep 22, 2024 · 43 min watch · 2 min read

COUNTER CULTURE | Week 3 | Sermon

In this message

Big Idea
Key points
Application

Scripture in this message

Matthew 19
Matthew 19:1
Matthew 19:4
Genesis 1
Genesis 2
Ephesians 4

Big Idea Key points Application

Big Idea

You and I can't un-one what God has made one — divorce doesn't undo what marriage's oneness actually accomplished.

Marriage was God's idea before it was ours, designed to make two people one, and that oneness can't simply be dissolved by a courtroom. Divorce is a practical issue we all face in this broken world, but it's ultimately a biblical and moral one — which means, thankfully, it's also one the cross can forgive and cover.

Key points

1
1The Pharisees came to trap Jesus, not to learn
Jesus' ministry is drawing large crowds and setting people free, but the religious leaders, threatened by his countercultural message, try to force him into a statement that would let Rome do their dirty work, referencing King Herod's own marriage scandal and the beheading of John the Baptist for challenging it.
2
2Divorce is a practical issue before it's anything else
Pastor Daniel notes that forty to fifty percent of marriages nationally end in divorce, and locally in Maricopa County the rate is closer to seventy percent, so nearly everyone in the room has been touched by it directly or through family and friends.
3
3Marriage is God's idea, aimed at oneness, from the beginning
Jesus bypasses the divorce question entirely and takes the Pharisees back to Genesis, reminding them that God created Adam and Eve and joined them as one flesh; Pastor Daniel walks through Genesis 1-2 and Ephesians 4 to show marriage was never a human invention but a mysterious, spiritual union.
4
4You can separate the accounts, but you can't un-one what's been made one
Using the picture of a couple splitting bank accounts and custody after divorce, Pastor Daniel argues that lawyers can divide belongings but cannot undo the spiritual oneness marriage created, which is why psychologists say divorce can be harder to navigate than the death of a spouse — there's no real finality.
5
5The Pharisees misused Moses' concession in Deuteronomy as a command
Pastor Daniel explains that Deuteronomy 24 was Moses' concession for men abandoning wives without cause, not a command to divorce, but rabbis twisted it into permission to divorce over trivial things like a wife's cooking or looks — showing how people bend scripture to justify what they already want.
6
6Jesus names the two biblical grounds for divorce and calls the rest sin
Jesus tells the Pharisees that Moses permitted divorce because of hard hearts, not because God intended it, and that remarrying after divorce apart from sexual immorality (and, per Paul, abandonment) amounts to adultery — but Pastor Daniel stresses that naming it sin is good news because sin can be forgiven at the cross.
7
7God hates divorce because of how deeply it wounds people
Quoting Malachi's declaration that God hates divorce because of the cruelty it inflicts, Pastor Daniel cites statistics on children of divorce facing higher rates of health problems, psychological struggles, and dropping out of school, showing the reach of divorce is wider than we admit, while also noting second and third marriages fail at even higher rates than first ones.

you and I, we can't un one what God has made one

Application

Pastor Daniel's charge is that whatever side of divorce you're on, don't settle for the lie that it's simple, easy, or final — fight for oneness, or receive the grace that covers you.

Single people, count the cost before marrying
If you're entertaining marriage, take seriously the high bar it is; deal with selfishness, pride, or sexual immorality now rather than assuming marriage will fix it.
Married couples, fight for your marriage
If your marriage is struggling, don't treat divorce as the easy way out — get on your face in prayer together, ask the Holy Spirit to help you navigate the conflict, and use the church's resources.
Get safe if you're in an abusive marriage
Pastor Daniel is clear that scripture doesn't require staying in an abusive marriage; come to the church for help getting safe and getting out.
Receive forgiveness if you've been divorced
If divorce is part of your story, know that it can be forgiven and covered by the cross, and refuse to let shame define you going forward.
Don't shame those who've walked through divorce
If you haven't experienced divorce, resist treating divorced people as second-class Christians; remember all of us have parts of our story we didn't get right.

Take it into your week

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Scripture in this message

From the transcript
“The big idea that has really always been from the beginning of time when it comes to this idea of divorce that we're going to see in Matthew chapter 19 today is this big idea”
From the transcript
“Matthew chapter 19, here's how the story begins today. In verse one, it says that when Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and he went down to the region of Judea”
From the transcript
“Verse four, Jesus teaches and he says, haven't you read the scriptures? Again, this is one of those things when you're reading scripture, you've got to really put yourself into these settings”
From the transcript
“Jesus in Matthew chapter 19, he quotes from Genesis chapter one. And he says, remember in the very beginning, God created all of this”
From the transcript
“And then he said in Genesis two, Jesus quotes from Genesis two, and he says, this is the union that the rest of humanity will walk through, where the two individuals will go through the holy process of becoming one”
From the transcript
“The Bible in the New Testament, Ephesians chapter four, Paul says that this is a mystery that we can't understand”
From the transcript
“the two, Genesis chapter two, will become one. And when they walk down this aisle, and for all the gentlemen out there, when they consummate the marriage that night in the wedding suite”
From the transcript
“what Jesus is reminding the Pharisees, the reason you ask a question about how and when can I get divorced is because you fundamentally have forgotten what the original design was in Genesis one and two”
From the transcript
“Look at how the Pharisees respond. The Pharisees verse seven, they say then why why didn't Moses in the law make that he said, why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce”
From the transcript
“They're they're quoting from Deuteronomy 24 and nowhere in there does Moses ever command a man to divorce his wife”
From the transcript
“Deuteronomy 24, here's the verses that they're misapplying. It says, suppose a man, verse one, suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him having discovered something wrong with her”
From the transcript
“Jesus responds to them. Verse eight, and he says, yes, Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard hearts, but it is not what God had originally intended”
From the transcript
“the prophet Malachi told us. Look at what Malachi says in chapter two. It says, for I hate divorce, says the Lord. He says, to divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty”
From the transcript
“Jesus's disciples hear this whole tense conversation. They go, if this is the case, it's better not to get married. Like, amen. Let's close in prayer. Right? Like, that that actually is a very realistic”
From the transcript
“Jesus responds to his disciples, last couple verses, verse 11. He says, it's true, not everyone can accept this statement. Only those whom God helps”
From the transcript
“the enemy is gonna try to keep not conviction, but judgment and shame on us. And father, we refuse to receive any of that because Romans eight tells us there is no longer any condemnation for those who are in Christ”

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

Sign in to track your progress through this devotional.

Day 1

The Pharisees came to Jesus with a test question about divorce — and Jesus didn't take the bait. That alone is worth sitting with. Their question was framed to trap Him in a legal debate, but Jesus saw straight through the argument to the heart behind it. Before He said anything about divorce, He pointed them somewhere else entirely: back to the beginning. Pastor Daniel noted that divorce touches the majority of people in the room — either personally, or through parents, siblings, children, or close friends. If that's you, you already know this isn't an abstract topic. It lands on real people in real pain. And yet Jesus, the one who knows our pain better than anyone, didn't start with the law. He started with love — specifically, with what love was always meant to look like. That's a meaningful first step for this week. Before we press into the hard details of what Jesus taught, it helps to notice how He taught it: with patience, with clarity, and without shaming the people in front of Him. He is the same way with you. Whatever your history with this topic — whether you're married, single, divorced, or sitting with someone else's story — Jesus meets you here with truth and with grace, in that order.

For reflection

How does knowing Jesus responded to a trap question with patience and clarity — rather than condemnation — shape the way you approach your own questions about marriage or divorce?

Pray

Pray for an open and honest heart as you begin this week — that truth and grace would both feel welcome.

Day 2

When the Pharisees asked about divorce, Jesus didn't go to the law first. He went to Genesis. That move tells us something important: to understand what marriage is, you have to start where God started. Pastor Daniel pointed out that in Genesis 2, God doesn't just perform a ceremony — He performs a miracle. He takes from one person and forms another, and then He joins them back together as something entirely new. The phrase 'one flesh' isn't a metaphor for closeness; it describes a real, supernatural union. Two distinct people become a new entity. That is the design. This matters because it reframes what marriage actually is before we ever get to questions about when it ends. It isn't primarily a legal contract or a social arrangement, though it includes both of those things. It is a God-initiated, God-sustained bond. That's why Jesus says, 'What God has joined together, let no one separate' — the word 'joined' is doing heavy lifting there. It points to an action God takes, not just one humans perform. For those who are married, this can actually be an encouraging word: you are not holding your marriage together on your own. For those who are single, it reframes the seriousness of what you'd be stepping into. For everyone, it's a reminder that marriage belongs to God first.

For reflection

In what ways does thinking of marriage as something God initiates and sustains change how you pray about it — whether for your own marriage or someone else's?

Pray

Pray for a fresh sense of reverence for what God designed marriage to be, and for eyes to see it as His before it is anyone else's.

Day 3

This passage is the one the Pharisees pointed to when they pushed back on Jesus. 'Moses permitted divorce,' they said. 'Why?' Jesus' answer is one of the most direct things He says in the whole conversation: because of the hardness of your hearts. Pastor Daniel was careful here. Moses' provision in Deuteronomy 24 wasn't a green light for no-fault divorce. It was a concession — a reluctant accommodation to protect women who were being abandoned without any legal recourse. Men were walking away from their wives with nothing. Moses required a certificate, which at minimum gave the woman legal standing to remarry and survive. This was mercy within a broken situation, not an endorsement of the breaking. There's something worth sitting with in the phrase 'hardness of heart.' That's not primarily a legal category; it's a spiritual one. It describes people who have stopped being moved by what should move them — the covenant they made, the person in front of them, the God who was present when they said their vows. Hardness of heart is something that happens gradually, not all at once. Which means it can also be reversed — not by willpower, but by returning again and again to the One who softens what has gone rigid. That's a word for all of us, regardless of our marital status.

For reflection

Where in your own life — not necessarily in marriage — have you noticed your heart starting to harden toward a person or a commitment? What would it look like to bring that to God today?

Pray

Pray for a softened heart — toward God, toward the people in your life, and toward any commitment that has started to feel like a burden rather than a calling.

Day 4

God hates divorce. Those three words land hard, and they're supposed to. But Pastor Daniel was quick to point out that God's hatred here is not arbitrary — it isn't the reaction of a rule-keeper whose rules got broken. It's the grief of someone who sees the damage. Malachi 2 describes God as a witness to the marriage covenant. He was there. He heard the vows. And He sees what happens when they are broken — not just to the couple, but to the children, the families, and the wider community. The word 'violence' in verse 16 is striking. Divorce isn't described here as merely unfortunate or regrettable. It is described as something that covers a person with violence, like a garment. That's strong language, and it's meant to be. The harm divorce causes is real, it's lasting, and it reaches further than most people expect in the moment of the decision. This passage is not here to shame anyone who has walked through divorce. It's here to tell the truth about why God cares so much about protecting marriage in the first place. He hates divorce because He loves people — the spouses, the kids, the community. The hatred and the love are not in tension. They are the same thing, seen from different angles. Understanding that can actually make the grace He offers afterward feel even more remarkable.

For reflection

How does understanding that God's hatred of divorce comes from His love for people — not from a rulebook — change the way you think about His character?

Pray

Pray for anyone in your life currently in the pain of a breaking or broken marriage — that they would know God's love is present even inside the wreckage.

Day 5

Jesus names two exceptions in this passage: sexual immorality and — drawing on what Paul develops in 1 Corinthians 7 — abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Pastor Daniel didn't spend a great deal of time on the mechanics of these exceptions, and that's worth noting. The point Jesus was making was not 'here are the escape hatches.' The point was that these situations represent a fundamental, unilateral breaking of the covenant by one party — not a mutual decision to walk away. Even within those exceptions, Jesus' framework is clear: divorce is not the goal; restoration is. The exceptions acknowledge the tragedy of a covenant already broken by someone else's choices — they are provisions for the wounded, not permissions for the hard-hearted. For anyone sitting in a complicated marital situation right now, this is not a passage to navigate alone or in a vacuum. The specifics of your story matter, and there are real people at Rock Point — pastors and counselors — who can help you think through where you are with wisdom and care. What this passage does offer to everyone is this: Jesus takes marriage seriously enough to engage its hardest questions honestly. He doesn't look away from the painful parts. He walks straight into them, and He brings both truth and compassion with Him every time.

For reflection

What does it mean to you that Jesus engages the hardest questions about marriage with both truth and compassion, rather than avoiding them or softening them beyond recognition?

Pray

Pray for wisdom — yours and that of anyone walking through a genuinely complicated marital situation — and for the courage to seek counsel from people who can help.

Day 6

Marriage is a place where sanctification happens — sometimes painfully and slowly. Pastor Daniel described marriage as two people dying to self and serving each other sacrificially, after the pattern of Christ and the church. That is a high and holy calling. It is also, on many ordinary days, simply hard. Ephesians 4:32 was among the scriptures Pastor Daniel referenced, and it reads like a description of what that dying-to-self actually looks like in practice: 'Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.' Notice the order — kindness, then tenderheartedness, then forgiveness. And the basis for all of it: the forgiveness you have already received. You can't manufacture that kind of love on your own. It flows from being near the source of it. Which is why marriages that are struggling don't primarily need better communication techniques or a stronger will to try harder — though those things can help. They need two people who are both, separately and together, staying close to Jesus. The grace you've received becomes the grace you can offer. The forgiveness extended to you becomes the forgiveness you're capable of extending. This is not a formula. It is simply the shape of a life shaped by the gospel.

For reflection

In your closest relationships right now, what would it look like to let the forgiveness you've received become the source of the forgiveness you extend?

Pray

Pray for the grace to be tenderhearted — toward your spouse if you're married, toward the people closest to you regardless — and for your heart to stay near the source of that grace.

Day 7

This week we've walked slowly through a passage that touches some of the most personal territory in all of human experience. Jesus engaged every question the Pharisees raised — and every question behind those questions — without flinching and without shaming. That's worth returning to one more time as the week closes. Pastor Daniel ended with a word to three groups of people. If you're single, the call was to count the cost honestly and enter marriage as the high and holy covenant it is — not a finish line, but a beginning. If you're married and struggling, the call was simply: don't quit. Get help, get on your knees, and let the church come around you. That's not a failure; it's wisdom. And if you have already walked through divorce, the call was the clearest of all: receive the grace Jesus offers. Your past is not your identity. The blood of Christ covers this sin as completely as it covers every other. The church's job, Pastor Daniel said, is not to heap shame on the broken. It is to put its arms around them and love them back toward wholeness. That is what Jesus does. It is what He has always done. Whatever your story is as you close this week — whole, healing, or somewhere in between — you are not outside the reach of that love.

For reflection

Which of the three groups Pastor Daniel named speaks most directly to where you are right now, and what is one real step you can take this week in response to what Jesus is saying to you?

Pray

Pray with honesty about where you are — and ask Jesus to meet you exactly there, with the same patience and grace He brought to every person in Matthew 19.

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Marriage and divorce are topics that touch nearly every family in some way — and in Matthew 19, the Pharisees try to trap Jesus with a legal question about divorce, only to find Him reframe the whole conversation around something much bigger.

Discussion questions

1
In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus doesn't answer the Pharisees' question directly — He takes them all the way back to Genesis. What do you think He is trying to show them by doing that?
2
The message described marriage as two people being supernaturally forged into a single new entity by God. How does that picture of marriage as something God makes — rather than something two people simply agree to — change the way we might think about what marriage actually is?
3
Pastor Daniel pointed to Malachi 2:14-16 and noted that God hates divorce not arbitrarily but because of the measurable, lasting harm it causes to spouses, children, and the wider community. What stands out to you about that framing — that God's grief over divorce is rooted in the damage it does to real people?
4
The message described marriage as an invitation to sanctification — two people dying to self and serving each other after the pattern of Christ and the church. What might it look like practically for a community like ours to support couples who are trying to live that out, especially when it gets hard?
5
Pastor Daniel was clear that because divorce is a sin issue, it is also a forgiveness issue — and that the grace available in Jesus covers it just as it covers every other sin. How does that shape the way the church should respond to people who have walked through divorce?
6
Pastor Daniel challenged singles to count the cost seriously before entering marriage, calling it a high and holy calling rather than a finish line. What do you think it looks like for a community of faith to help prepare people well for that kind of commitment?

Pray together

Ask God to give your group and your church a heart that reflects His — one that takes marriage seriously, grieves what divorce breaks, and wraps grace around everyone who is hurting

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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COUNTER CULTURE

Week 3 · 4 messages

Where these passages are preached

Matthew 19 Genesis 1 Genesis 2 Ephesians 4

Explore related topics

God's Design for Marriage Grace and Forgiveness Marriage and Divorce Sanctification Through Marriage

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