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Fixer Upper | Week 2 | Sermon · Rewind

Rock Point Church

52 min

Pastor Bill Bush · Mar 3, 2025 · 4 min read · 52 min listen

The big idea

In every conflict we need to learn to fight the problem, not the person — treating the other side as someone to fight for, not against.

In this message

The big idea
Point 1 of 7We all bring a conflict style shaped by our fears and past hurts into every disagreement
Point 2 of 7The goal is a hiking boot, not a combat boot or running shoe — walking tough terrain together toward a better view and a healthier relationship

Point 3 of 7Say it: be willing to have the conversation with intentional communication and real listening
Point 4 of 7Say it straight: speak the truth in love with self-awareness, not just bluntness
Point 5 of 7Say it supportively: seek resolution, not victory
Point 6 of 7Say it all: get to the real 10% underneath the 90% you keep arguing about
Point 7 of 7Say it soon: don't let anger fester, but that doesn't mean force it right now
Take it into your week
Transcript

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Scripture in this message

Proverbs 17:14
Matthew 18:15
Ephesians 4:15
Philippians 2:3
Proverbs 4:7
Ephesians 4

Rewind AI drafted the Big Idea and some point headings shown here from the sermon transcript. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Pastor Bill Bush · Mar 3, 2025 · 52 min watch · 2 min read

Fixer Upper | Week 2 | Sermon

In this message

Big Idea
Key points
Application

Scripture in this message

Proverbs 17:14
Matthew 18:15
Ephesians 4:15
Philippians 2:3
Proverbs 4:7
Ephesians 4

Big Idea Key points Application

Big Idea

In every conflict we need to learn to fight the problem, not the person — treating the other side as someone to fight for, not against.

Conflict isn't the enemy — avoiding or winning it is. Pastor Bill and Carrie teach that healthy relationships require intentional, honest, loving conversation that pursues resolution rather than victory, using five steps: say it, say it straight, say it supportively, say it all, and say it soon.

Key points

1
1We all bring a conflict style shaped by our fears and past hurts into every disagreement
Pastor Bill describes himself as the 'combat boot' who charges into conflict looking for a win, while Carrie is the 'runner' or 'retreater' who needs time to process. He shows how repeaters and retreaters pair up in marriage and how each style, left unchecked, creates more conflict rather than less.
2
2The goal is a hiking boot, not a combat boot or running shoe — walking tough terrain together toward a better view and a healthier relationship
Pastor Bill contrasts the combat boot (seeking victory) and running shoe (avoiding discomfort) with a hiking boot, which is willing to go through hard terrain but aims for perspective and health rather than winning.
3
3Say it: be willing to have the conversation with intentional communication and real listening
Drawing on Matthew 18:15, Pastor Bill teaches that healthy relationships require going and talking rather than avoiding, and that conflict itself is not bad — it can lead to good resolution if both people commit to speaking and listening without the filter of their own insecurities.
4
4Say it straight: speak the truth in love with self-awareness, not just bluntness
From Ephesians 4:15, Pastor Bill explains that saying it straight isn't about bluntly saying what you think — it means having clarity about yourself and the other person, understanding why you're really upset (since anger is usually a secondary emotion masking hurt or fear) before you speak.
5
5Say it supportively: seek resolution, not victory
Using Philippians 2:3, Pastor Bill warns against 'lawyering up' and turning fights into historical trials by dredging up past evidence. He shares how playing the moral high ground after Carrie 'goes feral' only restarts the cycle, and that humility is what keeps a conflict from becoming a battle.
6
6Say it all: get to the real 10% underneath the 90% you keep arguing about
Citing Proverbs 4:7, Pastor Bill explains that most repeated fights happen because couples never name the real issue hiding under the surface argument, and that good judgment means addressing the true root, not rehashing the same fight three days later.
7
7Say it soon: don't let anger fester, but that doesn't mean force it right now
From Ephesians 4:26-27, Pastor Bill clarifies the verse isn't a command to resolve everything before sundown by force — it's a warning not to let anger sit and build a false narrative about the other person. He tells the story of finally admitting 'I got really sad' instead of fighting, which broke the cycle instantly.

How do we fight the problem, not the and I know what many of are saying, what if the problem is the person

Illustration

Parking-lot conflict video depicting the inner monologue of drivers fighting over a parking space

Application

Pastor Bill's charge is to trade your combat boots or running shoes for hiking boots, and walk the five steps of saying it together.

Say it
Commit to intentional communication instead of avoiding conflict — be willing to have the hard conversation and to actually listen without the filter of your own insecurities.
Say it straight
Get clear on yourself before you speak. Figure out what's really behind your anger — hurt or fear — instead of just reacting, and speak the truth in love.
Say it supportively
Aim for resolution, not victory. Drop the lawyering up and rehashing past evidence, and approach the other person with humility instead of moral high ground.
Say it all
Push past the surface argument to name the real issue — the last 10% — instead of circling the same 90% fight over and over.
Say it soon
Don't let anger sit and build a false narrative about the other person, but also don't force resolution on your timeline; give space, then come back to it.

Take it into your week

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Scripture in this message

From the transcript
“it actually says in Proverbs seventeen fourteen, it says starting a coral is like opening a floodgate. So it's saying starting coral is like like like like you're gonna start to have this floodgate”
Read the whole chapter →
From the transcript
“Matthew eighteen fifteen says this. If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back”
From the transcript
“it says in Ephesians four fifteen, instead we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ who is the head of his body, the church”
From the transcript
“It says in Philippians two three, and this is kinda why we get held up and we don't, Cause we don't choose to do this. He says don't be selfish. Don't try to impress others. Be humble. Think of others as better than yourselves”
From the transcript
“In Proverbs four seven, it says, getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do. Wisdom in the scripture is taking knowledge and truth and actually applying it”
From the transcript
“look, Ephesians four. I told you I'd get to this verse that's often misquoted in the beginning by us combat boot people. Don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry”

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

7-day devotional

A personal reading plan from this message — scripture, reflection, and prayer for each day.

Sign in to track your progress through this devotional.

Day 1

There's a image in Proverbs 17:14 that's almost impossible to shake once you've seen it: starting a conflict is like opening a floodgate. Once the water rushes through, you can't simply call it back. Pastor Bill opened the sermon with exactly this picture — conflict left unmanaged doesn't stay small. It spreads, erodes, and causes damage that takes far longer to repair than it would have taken to address the problem early. But notice what the verse is actually saying. It isn't telling you that conflict is the enemy. It's telling you that unmanaged conflict is. That's a meaningful distinction. The water behind a dam isn't evil — it just needs a channel. The same is true of tension in a relationship. Ignored long enough, it finds its own outlet, and that outlet is rarely the one you'd have chosen. This is the foundation the whole week builds on. Before you can learn how to have a hard conversation well, it helps to sit with the truth that avoiding the conversation altogether is its own kind of decision — one with real consequences. If you've been putting something off, today isn't about guilt. It's about honest recognition: the floodgate is already there. The question is whether you'll open it wisely or wait until the pressure does it for you.

For reflection

Is there a relationship in your life where tension has been building quietly — something you've been hoping will resolve itself? What might it look like to begin engaging it intentionally rather than waiting?

Pray

Pray for the courage to see unresolved tension honestly, without minimizing it or being overwhelmed by it.

Day 2

Jesus is remarkably direct in Matthew 18:15: if someone has wronged you, go to them. Not to a mutual friend first. Not to social media. Not to the back corner of your own mind where the story can grow unchecked. Go to the person. Pastor Bill framed this as the first practical step — say it. Commit to intentional communication that includes both speaking and truly listening. That pairing matters. It's easy to think of 'saying it' as just working up the nerve to talk. But real communication is a two-way movement. You bring your honest experience, and you also create space to hear theirs. What makes Matthew 18:15 so grounding is that it treats the other person as someone worth going to — someone capable of hearing you, responding, and working toward something better together. That's a posture of respect, not accusation. You're not going to win. You're going to them. If conflict has felt like a performance you've been dreading — a speech you have to deliver perfectly — this might be the reframe you need. The goal isn't a flawless delivery. It's showing up. Choosing the hiking boot over the running shoe, as the sermon put it. Hard terrain doesn't require you to be fearless. It just requires you to take the next step.

For reflection

When you think about a difficult conversation you've been avoiding, what has been the bigger obstacle — finding the words, or actually deciding to go to the person? What does that tell you?

Pray

Pray for the willingness to go to someone directly — and for a genuine desire to listen, not just to be heard.

Day 3

Speaking the truth in love sounds simple until you're actually in the middle of a hard conversation and realize you're not entirely sure what the truth is. You know you're upset. But are you upset about what just happened, or about what it reminded you of? Are you reacting to what was said, or to the story you immediately built around it? Pastor Bill called this self-awareness — doing the inner work before the conversation so you can bring honesty instead of a narrative. That's the heart of Ephesians 4:15. Truth and love aren't opposites to be balanced; they belong together. But truth requires knowing what you actually feel, not just what you're performing. And love requires enough care for the other person to ask what they're actually expressing, not just what their words triggered in you. The sermon described this as having situational awareness — reading the room, and reading yourself. Some people default to heat: volume, intensity, certainty. Others default to retreat: silence, withdrawal, a tight smile. Neither one is the same as honesty. Honesty means slowing down enough to ask, 'What is actually true here, and can I say it in a way that keeps the relationship as the priority?' This kind of self-awareness isn't a personality trait you either have or don't. It's a practice — one that gets more natural the more you return to it.

For reflection

Think of a recent conflict or tense moment. Were you responding to what actually happened, or to a narrative you had already constructed? How might more self-awareness have changed the conversation?

Pray

Pray for honest self-knowledge — the kind that lets you enter a hard conversation with clarity rather than a rehearsed story.

Day 4

Philippians 2:3 sets a high bar: do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves (ESV). In the context of conflict, that's not a call to be a pushover. It's a call to change your objective. Pastor Bill put it plainly: if your goal is victory, you've already turned the conflict into a revolution. But if your goal is resolution, humility becomes not just a virtue but a strategy. Bill and Carrie's own story ran through this sermon, and one of the clearest things it illustrated was this: two people can both be right about their own experience and still be talking past each other entirely. Humility is what makes it possible to stay in the conversation long enough to actually understand the other person's experience — not just wait for them to finish so you can make your point. This is where the 'say it supportively' principle lives. Supportive doesn't mean soft or conflict-averse. It means you're fighting the problem, not the person. You're on the same side of the table, even when the conversation is hard. That kind of posture doesn't come naturally to most of us. It's chosen, usually deliberately, usually more than once in the same conversation. But it changes everything about where the conversation can go.

For reflection

In your recent conflicts, have you been more oriented toward being understood or toward understanding? What would it look like to lean further toward the latter?

Pray

Pray for genuine humility — not the performance of it, but the real thing that lets you prioritize the relationship over being right.

Day 5

Proverbs 4:7 says that wisdom is the principal thing — and though wisdom costs everything, get it. It's a verse about going all the way in the pursuit of what actually matters, not stopping at the comfortable threshold. Pastor Bill used this as the foundation for one of the sermon's most practical challenges: say it all. Get to the last 10%. Because 90% of the recurring problem in a relationship often lives in the 10% that never gets said. We manage the surface. We address the symptoms. And then we wonder why the same argument keeps cycling back around. The last 10% is usually the thing that feels most vulnerable to say — the real fear underneath the frustration, the need behind the complaint, the thing you're most afraid will change how the other person sees you. That's exactly why it keeps getting left unsaid. And that's exactly why it needs to be said. This isn't about weaponizing vulnerability or oversharing. It's about bringing the full truth of your experience into the conversation, trusting that the relationship is strong enough to hold it. Wisdom, Proverbs tells us, is worth whatever it costs. Sometimes what it costs in a hard conversation is the willingness to say the thing you were most tempted to leave at the door.

For reflection

In a recurring conflict in your life, what is the 10% you've never quite said? What would it take to say it?

Pray

Pray for the courage to surface what's really underneath a long-standing tension — and for the trust that the relationship can hold the full truth.

Day 6

Paul's instruction in Ephesians 4:26-27 is startlingly practical: be angry, but don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the devil a foothold. The verse doesn't say anger is wrong. It says unresolved anger becomes an opening for something worse. Pastor Bill named this 'say it soon' — the principle that being bold early spares you from being brutal later. Delay doesn't neutralize conflict; it gives it time to calcify. The longer something goes unaddressed, the more the story we tell ourselves about it hardens. What started as a misunderstanding becomes evidence of a pattern. What could have been a ten-minute conversation becomes a defining grievance. The foothold Paul describes isn't dramatic. It's quiet. It's the slow accumulation of unchecked narratives, small resentments that never got aired, and the growing sense that the other person couldn't handle hearing the truth anyway. None of that serves the relationship — or you. Saying it soon doesn't mean saying it instantly, without preparation or self-awareness. It means not using 'waiting for the right time' as a permanent deferral strategy. The right time is usually sooner than comfortable, and later than reactive. But it is a time. Name it, and go.

For reflection

Is there something you've been waiting to say until 'the time is right'? How long have you been waiting — and what has that delay cost the relationship?

Pray

Pray for the boldness to have a conversation you've been postponing, and for wisdom about what 'soon' looks like in your situation.

Day 7

Looking back over the week, it's worth naming what this sermon was really about at its core: relationship. Not conflict management as a skill set, but the belief that the people in your life are worth the hard work of honest, humble, timely conversation. Every principle — say it, say it straight, say it supportively, say it all, say it soon — only makes sense inside that larger commitment. Ephesians 4 holds this whole vision together. Speak truth in love. Don't let anger fester. Put off the old self and its patterns. Build one another up. It's a picture of community that takes the messiness of real relationships seriously — and refuses to pretend that love means avoiding difficulty. Bill and Carrie came back to their own story throughout the sermon not to present themselves as a model to replicate, but to show that the work is real, ongoing, and worth it. The hiking boots image is a good one to carry with you: conflict will always involve hard terrain. The question is whether you'll bring the right footwear. These steps don't make conflict disappear. But they make it possible to come out the other side with a better view and a healthier relationship — which is exactly what you were hoping for when you started.

For reflection

Which of the five principles this week felt most personally challenging — and what is one concrete thing you can do this week to begin practicing it?

Pray

Pray for the relationships you're carrying right now — that they'd be marked by honesty, humility, and the courage to go through hard things together rather than around them.

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

Small-group discussion guide

For leading a group conversation about this message.

Open

Think about a hike you've taken — or heard about — where the terrain was rough but the view at the top was worth it. This message uses that image to reframe what healthy conflict can actually look like.

Discussion questions

1
Pastor Bill opened with Proverbs 17:14, comparing unmanaged conflict to a flood. What does that image suggest about the relationship between timing and damage when it comes to conflict?
2
In Matthew 18:15, Jesus gives direct instruction to go to someone personally when there's an offense. What does that kind of direct, one-on-one approach make possible that other responses — like venting to a third party or going silent — do not?
3
Pastor Bill described the difference between bringing honesty into a hard conversation versus bringing a narrative. What's the difference between those two things, and why might the narrative feel easier to carry in?
4
Philippians 2:3 calls people to consider others more significant than themselves. Pastor Bill connected that to approaching conflict with the goal of resolution rather than victory. What does it look like in practice to fight the problem together instead of fighting the person across from you?
5
Pastor Bill talked about the "last 10%" — the real, underlying issue that people most often leave unsaid — and suggested that's where the recurring problem actually lives. What makes that last 10% so hard to say out loud?
6
Ephesians 4:26-27 warns against letting anger linger in a way that gives a foothold to the enemy. Pastor Bill summarized it as "be bold now so you won't be brutal later." How might that principle shape the way a community — a family, a friendship, a team — handles tension before it hardens?

Pray together

Courage to step into hard conversations with honesty and humility, and wisdom to fight for the relationship rather than against the person

Rewind AI contributed study material from the sermon transcript; church-authored wording and verified sermon quotes keep their own source. Always trust the sermon itself over anything here. How Rewind uses AI

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Fixer Upper

Week 2 · 3 messages

Where these passages are preached

Proverbs 17 Matthew 18 Ephesians 4 Philippians 2

Explore related topics

Conflict Resolution Healthy Communication Humility in Disagreement Marriage & Relationships

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